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Every so often, I get an e-mailwith some form of internet myth or copypasta that contains what I like to call an “Internet Myth”- that is, a commonly held concept on internet forums and chatrooms that seems to be taken as “fact”. Of course, most of these are anything BUT fact- they are usually fiction, if that at all. With that being said, allow me to get rid of some common myths- and try to inject some reality in the process.

Myth 1: No girls will like you, you are a geek.

Truth: Yes, if you are too geeky, you will repel girls. But in moderation, the right girls will not mind.

This is probably the most common: if you are a geek (be you a gamer, anime fan, or whatever the hell, depending on the forum), you immediately are a social pariah. You will have poor social skills, girls will scorn at you behind your back, and they will always stand you up when you talk to them. They will be able to “smell” the geek on you- and they will ostracize you because of it.

The truth is actually different for two reasons, but like any myth, there is some truth embedded in the fear. Fundamentally, if you are a “super geek” (that is to say, if you basically live and breathe some sort of nerdy passion, such as LARPing or something like that), you will indeed have a hard time finding women- if only because you will not come into contact with them often, and thus you may develop some social anxiety issues. This hits you in two ways, really- not only are the women less available (well, except for your typical wannabe-queen crazies who hang around geeks to feel “special” and be “the girl”), but because these women are unavailable, you tend to develop awkward concepts of dating, social interaction, and generally screw up socially.

The second aspect of this myth is that “all girls” will hate you, which is a massive lie- it all depends on the girls you are using to develop this grandiose assumption. Typically, these kinds of posts will hurt because it will remind the reader about being ignored on an attempt to date a specific girl (a current or past crush) and it will dig in like a knife- thus providing the effect desired.

The truth to all of this? Yes, if you do hole yourself up and do nothing but play video games all day, you will have an issue finding women. Your hygeine and ability to socialize in modern society may deteriorate. However, this does not mean you are lost- in reality, if you moderate your habits (key word: moderate), you will be as attractive as anyone else.

Another bigger issue is that of your “sample” for your decision- that is, that most guys who make decisions like “All girls hate me” usually do so because of one or two specific examples, which is ridiculous (and painfully unscientific). When I get e-mails along these lines, they usually reduce to this issue in one form or another, usually something like this:

• Searching far outside of your social group. A nerdy, geeky guy will probably have a hard time dating “the cheerleader”. It’s not impossible, but if he constantly compares himself far outside of his social group, he will screw up.
• Searching for the impossible or the unlikely. If all of the girls you look for are married or currently dating, you will not fare well. It just doesn’t work that way.
• Searching for the nonexistent. “No 3D girls understand me” is a common variant on this. You will not be able to date if you constantly look for the physical incarnation of some moeblob from Clannad or something like that.

And that’s about it. The key lesson from this myth is simple: every hobby should be in moderation (even guys into “normal” stuff like sports can go overboard) and you should always keep reality in your crushes- because there’s no reason you should make ridiculous determinations like “all women hate me” when you use one or two samples of girls who don’t even exist.

Myth 2: The best way to get a girlfriend/get laid is _____

Truth: There is no surefire algorithmic way.

This myth is just ridiculous for a huge number of reasons.

First and foremost, all girls are different just like all guys are different- this is obvious. There is no easy formula to get a girlfriend- while you can generally make yourself the best person you can and do things in order to facilitate getting one, there is no algorithm that equals girlfriend. Some girls translate certain actions (such as holding doors) in one way, others translate it a different way- and that applies to virtually everything you can do. Dating books/guides can only (pitifully) attempt to prepare you to pick up specific types of women- not always the kinds you want.

There is no best way to “get” a girlfriend- it’s always different depending on the girl. No, wearing a certain kind of cologne, going to a certain restaurant, or driving a certain car will not mean instant-girlfriend. Sure, doing well at a date will be better results-wise- but nothing will be a sure-fire way. Sorry to shoot down your plane.

Myth 3: Everyone is having sex but you.

Truth: Very few people are like you may think. Many are going completely without.

You can thank popular culture for this one, but the Internet has done nothing but expontentially exploded this rumor.

Okay, let’s get this straight: everyone is not having sex. Many couples do not have sex today and operate just fine. Many college students are not having sex- even if they may say they are doing so. Sure, there may be those who go out and party and screw themselves- but that’s a separate group. Even those who you might presume are heavily sexually active may be complete virgins- you are not guaranteed a thing.

This is not a bad thing. Our insanely strict Western Judeo-Christian roots aside, sex is not something you absolutely need- the media tells you so erroneously. You do not “need” sex. You do not have to have it by a specific time. Just because you hold off now does not mean you will become a “40 year old virgin”. In fact, many couples who hold off for sex until marriage (or just don’t go overboard with it quickly) have better relationships, because they built up a solid relationship outside of physical contact and used that as a medium later, not immediately.

This is generally the reason why worrying about the “common male worries” (penis size, potency, etc etc) is ridiculous. You are not expected to be a pornstar in your lifetime.

Stop being a sheep when it comes to issues like this- a lot of the reason most guys assume this is such a big deal is because the media (predominantly movies and music, but other forms as well) stresses it so much. TV shows and movies constantly reinforce the concept that sex is something everyone is having- and it’s always sexy, awesome, and, according to most hyper-sterilized movies, all of about two seconds of choreographed naked grunting. It’s not that, and it’s not necessary. Relax.

Myth 4: You are ugly, everyone else is beautiful.

Truth: Everyone is pretty normal.

One would think the existence of Photoshop would help people understand the falsehood of most photos online.

Sure, there are people in the world who are ridiculously good looking- but those are few and far between. In reality, most people are remarkably normal (thus reinforcing the term normal)- and chances are, you are normal too. You are not ugly, but neither are you model-like. Hell, even models aren’t model-like- if you take a look at any normal model shots (say, undoctored shots from runway shows), actual tangible beauty isn’t a major player anymore.

Yes, magazines such as Men’s Health doctor their photos. Everyone does in that business. Girls obsess over this stuff, and statistics are showing that men are beginning to do so as well- but in most cases, it’s ridiculous. Remember- with a team of talented photoshoppers, cameramen, and lighting professionals, you could look awesome too. It’s all about the money put into the project and the amount of effort put into making you look amazing. If you’ve seen photos of celebrities walking around without makeup on (like, on tabloid websites), you can see this in action.

And on this topic, ignore those who post themselves online in a bragging way. It’s just being harassing and ridiculous. They will grow old like everyone else.

In Closing: For myths I have not covered-

Stop believing what you read online.

Seriously. Stop taking everything for face value. Just because some forum online says that no women will like you does not justify you going overboard. Remember, this is the internet- home of crazies of all brands, who believe all sorts of strange crap. Are you really going to take advice from some anonymous idiots online?

Scrutinize everything you can. Test it for yourself. Don’t believe it on face value. Hell, don’t believe me instantly (I can be wrong often). Don’t stress out over past relationships and make jump decisions or otherwise try to change yourself drastically over small issues.

Just treat everything like politics- always assume there will be some truth, but not until you wade through a whole hell of a lot of bullshit.

This was asked of me some time ago, so I should probably answer it now.

Is fantasy online dating, like on Everquest, cheating?

This probably comes as a result of an article in the Wall Street Journal, debating Second Life marriages. I personally have no idea what the hell has possessed the WSJ and MSNBC to give so much attention to Second Life over the last few years, but I digress- to the question.

The answer is yes, it is cheating. Here’s why.

First off, let’s cut the bull. Ivory tower PhDs in the social sciences rarely understand the “real” face of the internet, mainly because they do it from such a stand-offish perspective. When articles like the WSJ article above pitifully try to grasp at the idea of “popular” MMORPGs, they tend to lose focus on a lot of the little eccentricities of the online realm. That being said, let me speak from not only a column writer, but someone who has played a ton of games- and MMORPGs- in his lifetime.

Games like There are not just blank fantasy. Reading the WSJ article above, it’s clear that they picked a somewhat extreme example- but it’s nonetheless fairly accurate. No matter how you spin it, games like Second Life are taken seriously by a huge number of participants, often to the point of obsession. It’s stupid to act as if this kind of stuff isn’t real, and even worse to pretend that players don’t get seriously involved in it.

In any case, I think it is. If you have a girlfriend, I know the fun of MMORPGs is often based on social interaction, but nonetheless, real life fidelity trumps online crap. Hell, virtual sex online is lame anyway, the real stuff is much better.

As will be the standard for all Sex Q&A articles, we encourage you to comment below- give us your opinion on the situation. Is fantasy online dating cheating?

Yahoo seems to think women need to “win back” gaming boyfriends/spouses with, among other things, dressing like a night elf. What a joke. For some reason, there seems to be a common belief that gamers are like crack addicts, injecting themselves with token amounts of World of Warcraft and Resident Evil to survive life. We know that’s far from true (and if it is, that’s odd, because both games aren’t THAT great). So, in retort, it’s time for us to give OUR 7 tips- to help girls get into gaming, rather than encourage them to be scared of it.

7. Lay off the overbearing systems and equipment.

Okay, we all know what we secretly want: 50″ 1080p flatscreen LCDTVs with all of our next-gen consoles hooked up with HDMI cables blasting on a 7.1 Bose-quality speaker system. Most of us are probably working toward this goal in some direction, in almost a very stereotypically male fashion. Virtually every gamer in the world wants to be able to have the top notch quality equipment for their “gaming experience”- so you really can’t blame them.

Unfortunately, no surprise here, it comes off as a little bit much. Having a huge LED tube lit PC may be cool to your highschool buddies, but it doesn’t work as you get older. If you get a larger television or better PC, make sure to not place it as the center of the entire world and consider the general surroundings. It may pay off to stock up on good movies to watch as well- no-one said girls didn’t like technology, it’s just when you basically worship it that they get a bit scared.

6. Keep the discussion off the games.

Yes, this sounds boring, but avoid ranting about video games. I have personally experienced this as a friend of mine tried to, in detail, explain the story and mechanics of Final Fantasy 8 to a girl who had never played a game before- and, needless to say, she ran off almost screaming. It was too much: his overbearing obsession with the topic, the needless details he fed her, and his overwhelming expectation that she would actually care.

If you talk about video games, don’t be arrogant or rude- be relaxed. Much like if you were into skydiving, you need to realize that most girls (and some guys) will need you to explain things from square one, and briefly at that. It’s something of a social faux pas to be so overbearing- so relax and be casual about it. Just like you wouldn’t attempt to explain the entire distilling process to a girl you have a drink with, neither should you explain too much to a girl who is just casually interested in your hobby.

5. Avoid becoming too engrossed in video game forums.

Video game forums tend to be childish, somewhat boring, and most importantly, needlessly heated. There’s not much to say there- I don’t care who you are, what you say online CAN come back to you, in a very Densha Otoko sort of way. I know how things go as well as anyone, which is precisely why I say to avoid them: one or two “I’m so lonely” or “Girls are whores” threads can destroy a relationship, as silly as that may be.

4. Allot time to play and keep it in that manner.

Don’t forget to do the “chores” or any of that other stuff- give yourself time for gaming, and do it while you can do so without interfering with other responsibilities. For me, the rule has always been to do work in the morning/early afternoon and then relax my day with good gaming and other geekery- that way, you can focus on life from 9-5 and to a date or other functions, but still have some alloted time that you can relax and game away. Girls actually tend to prefer this- you will be somewhat regimented and relaxed, and if you ensure you focus your energies on her when you can (see below), it’s nothing more than a form of “guy’s night out”.

3. Make time for her truly time for her (AKA the no-sitting-around rule)

WHEN SHE IS AT YOUR PAD, DO NOT PLAY VIDEO GAMES OR SIT ON THE COMPUTER ALONE.

This is something that grinds at me like crazy. Do not do this unless your relationship is such where she is doing something else or doesn’t care. If she is doing nothing, you better NOT be playing Video Games, Computer Games, browsing the web… you name it. Don’t sit around and waste time you could be using to entertain her. Only highschoolers sit around and stare at each other with no general idea of what to do in mind- if in doubt, spend time doing nothing with her rather than entertaining only yourself.

This is not to say you can’t invite her to game or something, but it’s insulting if you ignore her, especially for electronic entertainment. It would be the same thing if she sat on her cell phone for hours at a time ignoring you- and making you just sit there and listen.

2. Introduce her to friendly games, avoid the fanservice.

Introduce her to games! It’s not that hard. Nothing says you can’t drop the needlessly complex/unfriendly games and pick up a party game or two. Believe it or not, the Wii is a great console for this- while the console is somewhat bereft of titles for people like me that like long RPGs and action games, the console is tailor made for general party gaming. Besides the general pervy comments about it (making girls jump around holding a phallic controller), it does well- and there’s nothing to say the 360 or PS3 won’t do well as well (though the PS3 is obviously lacking anything at the moment).

So what should you do? Get games that she will enjoy just as much as you. Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball 2 is a bad idea. Rumble Roses is a VERY bad idea. While girls have nothing against a little sexiness in games (some enjoy it), parading around softcore porn is a dumb move. You will always do much better with games like Halo or Super Smash Brothers rather than forcing girls to put up with the overdone semi-porn that comprises titles like “Playboy: The Mansion”.

There is a caveat though, and that is you can get away with more in video games if you swing it right. “Singles: Flirt up your Life” is actually incredibly sexual (to the point of being edited for the US release), but you pull it off. The rule applies here just like it does for movies and books: if it’s disgusting and aimed for guys, girls will not like it as much. Big surprise.

1. Stop playing so damn much.

Hey, this isn’t difficult! Stop playing so damn much. Stop grinding on WoW for hours until your steel chair molds to your body perfectly. Stop grinding away at RPGs for no reason. Don’t feel as if you have to play video games in your free time- trust me, there are much more useful, cheaper hobbies to have as well. I love gaming like everyone else, but when you do it so much that your spouse/girlfriend/whoever has to have an article from Yahoo! Video Games to help her figure out what to do, there is a problem.

Here’s a good benchmark: on a regular day (be it a work day, school day, or otherwise), if you play more than 3 hours of video games without it being a special occasion (as in, you have JACK to do, a holiday, etc), you are more than likely spending way too much time gaming. As spartan as it sounds, you should ration out your time wisely, as obviously too much begins to not only affect your sex life, but your work and education as well.

Why make this much effort? All I need to post is THIS:

http://www.gamegirladvance.com/archives/2002/10/26/sex_in_games_rezvibrator.html
I have never found a greater gaming-related article in my LIFE.

I recently received an e-mail with the following question:

Putting things off is easy; getting down to work on them is difficult. This is not true for everyone, but for lazy people like me, it’s a terrible hindrance. At times there’s nothing I’d rather do than just sleep, though that could probably be something a little sterner than just me being lazy.
Anyway. Any advice for getting procrastinating bastards like myself out of slumps?

Unfortunately, this is one of those questions that can’t be answered very easily- it really depends on the person. But, not surprisingly, most people end up losing time in fairly similar ways- ways that can be fixed relatively easily. With this, here are 5 things you can start doing today to be more efficient.

5. Eat more Healthily

Part of the problem that most experience with keeping focused is, surprise surprise, food, especially Caffeine. When you eat unhealthily and your energy level (via blood sugar or caffeine) shoots up and down randomly, you will have a hard time concentrating on either your highs or your lows. I know this sounds ridiculous, but eat more vegetables and avoid drinking too much soda. Avoid snacking excessively, and- sometimes most importantly- eat without doing anything like schoolwork if you can. This will give you more energy, and it will allow you to avoid getting that “lazy” feeling, especially during the middle of the day.

4. Get more Sleep

Just like the eating, sleep is important: I know this because I just spent a week with no more than four hours of it. Lack of sleep will (at least in my case) make you listless, tired, brain-dead, and basically useless to the world (and slightly paranoid/suicidal). While this isn’t the sole source of some tiredness and laziness, it plays a large part in it: get good sleep at night, and then wake up and don’t go back to bed until night again. Get into this habit and your body will learn to expect it, and it will give you energy when you need it in return.

3. Break up your time efficiently

By this, I mean schedule your life using Google Calendar or some other program. This way, you will know about things ahead of time and have the time to do what you WANT- but also know what to do and force yourself to do it. By having something like Google Calendar as a persistent reminder of your schedule, you will be able to focus and remember your responsibilities, as well as know not to shirk them. Trust me, by simply having a list of things you need to do, you will get leagues more done, and feel less tired about it when you do.

2. Turn off your Cell Phone

This applies especially to girls or just overly popular guys: turn off your damned cell phone. When you are working, do not allow yourself any distractions, especially that of talk. While you should be social like anyone else, mindless chitchat can eat up time and distract you from your responsibilities- and it can make you tired and lazy and not focus on the subject at hand. Being preoccupied with smaller things can distract you subconsciously, and it will make it hard to get-up-and-go so far as real work is concerned. I’m not kidding at all- if you don’t believe me, try talking to someone on Skype or watching porn while working on schoolwork or something. Notice how you can’t pay attention?

1. Stop browsing the internet mindlessly

This is number one for most of us. Face it: If you’re browsing the internet mindlessly, you’re wasting time. Forums, blogs, you name it- make time to visit them (visit US), but understand that browsing the internet is one big time waste. It’s like the common Wikipedia joke: you start with one article, and 300 articles later, you learned nothing about what you wanted to. This is not to say you should stop using the internet, just allot time for it and stop when you have something to do. When you study or work or do something important, stay away from your PC unless you have to- and if you’re on your PC, keep away from your internet browser and video players. I know it’s hard, but remember: this is more than likely your number one problem.

There are actually programs that help this more than you’d think- JediConcentrate is one that helps a TON, especially for writing papers and the like. In fact, you can find many of these awesome efficiency programs on Lifehacker.com, which is an invaluable resource for those of us stuck on PCs 75% of the day.

I certainly hope that helped a bit- like I said, it’s very difficult to pinpoint the source of your boredom and inability to “get things done” when I don’t have more specifics, but I CAN promise you that if you try some of the above, it won’t hurt- and I can also promise it’ll probably help you more than you think. Give them a shot and keep us posted on how it went!