8 Online Girls to AvoidWritten by Kirk, Wednesday, July 8th, 2009 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating
I’ve recently been getting a lot of e-mails regarding online dating- be it just for fun or seriously. The problem is, much like the real dating realm, it is often hard to sift through the copious amounts of fake profiles, duplicates, and generally dangerous girls to find the ones really worth dating. With that in mind, I often have been asked to help identify “problem girls”- as silly as that sounds- and I’ve decided to help as much as I can. In this article, I’m going to go through 8 of the most common stereotypical “problem” girls I have seen, both by people sending me things, and by personal experience offline, and I’m going to try to not only explain how to identify them, but why you need to avoid them- so you can actually find the girl of your dreams, not a 40 year old guy from Toronto trying to trick you into sending him money.
DISCLAIMER: Before we get into this, I know I’m going to get hate mail. I am not trying to be misogynistic here, nor am I trying to attack girls with histories of problems, mental disease, or anything of the sort. Nonetheless, it needs to be understood that there are often gross generalizations that can be made about the caliber of girls that, in my limited career, I have seen cause trouble. Don’t send me angry e-mails.
8. The Trap
“Hey looking for a guy who could help me like with my bills and stuff I am not a complicated girl not expensive just want help in little areas so if you think you fit the bill and want to be friends with benefit that is fine hit me up”
Common Signs: Model-quality photographs, exceptionally terse information, rampant Africa-style misspellings, etc.
The Details: This goes without saying. If it looks fake, it probably is fake. There are a lot of people who, particularly on free sites, hunt around to harass desperate men and women and/or advertise to them- be on the lookout. Remember, the person doesn’t have to be explicitly fake for quite some time- the ‘trap’ could involve a really dedicated homosexual guy trying to find straight guys or any variety of other problems. Hell, there are some entirely legitimate girls looking to pin you on rape charges. Be careful.
How to Handle: Obviously, avoid. For very good reasons.
7. The Insane
“I used to cut myself, but now I take medication, though when I take it, it makes me feel dull.”
Common Signs: Wildly strange interests, any mention of suicide (at all), rampant obsessive behavior, mentioning therapy, etc.
The Details: Insane girls collect online fairly quickly, and thanks to careful editing, they can often seem fairly normal, at least on a superficial level. Unfortunately, the quickest way to find out if a girl truly has mental issues is to actually talk to her more- so you’re always in trouble. Common signs generally include strange fetishes and interests (a sexual interest in knives, for example), clear indications of personal/professional restraint (never finishing highschool for unstated reasons, not being able to hold a job), and general “strangeness”- trust me, it’s easier to see online than you may think.
How to Handle: Handle carefully. If her problems are mere eccentricities, or something you can empathize with, you may be able to deal with it- but don’t become a social-worker-slash-boyfriend. If you even have the remotest idea that there might be a problem, just don’t even try. There are many instances (of both girls and “insane” guys) using suicide or other drastic methods to keep people in relationships.
6. The Druggie
“Doing [mushrooms] was an eye-opening experience, and I try to do it as much as possible. It makes me a smarter person.”
Common Signs: Open admission of Marijuana use, mentions of therapy, talking about going on a “new path” in life, dropping hints about no longer being a “heavy partier”.
The Details: Druggies are hard to deal with. There’s nothing wrong with someone who is clean- however, as sad as it may be, very few actually become 100% clean, and many still retain vestiges of past abuse. You may even get the (dubious) honor of meeting a girl who is a current druggie- I’ve personally gone out on a date with a girl who began talking about her “absolute adoration of ‘shrooms and harder drugs”. From my (admittedly limited) experience with girls of this caliber, they often fall into one of two categories- obsessive personality types (that is, those who easily fall into addiction with something or other) and those who, for various (bad) social reasons, fall into drugs. Either way, there are a lot of problems going on, and clearly, most of them could land someone in jail.
How to Handle: Stay away from these types. You could easily get dragged into the habit, or otherwise implicated- even legally. Let these girls crash and burn on their own time.
5. The Dominatrix
“LOSER MEN DO NOT CONTACT ME. I know I’m good looking. If you think I’d think you are interesting, just try me.”
Common Signs: Excessively harsh commentary, demanding requests, blatant misandry, etc.
The Details: I like to use the term “Dominatrix”, at least in a colloquial sense, to describe women who are so demanding (or so angry after being browbeaten by bad boyfriends) that they become excessively demanding and problematic, often to the point of being annoying and skeptical. For some odd reason, this seems to be blown far out of proportion online, where girls often will presume (needlessly) that all of the men on the site are desperate, and somehow they are a desperately desired commodity to be essentially begged for.
How to Handle: I personally avoid them, but you could possibly tame them. For the most part, girls like this become this way as a defense mechanism, presuming men will exploit them. If you are legitimate enough, you may succeed. Still, most are not worth the time nor the effort.
4. The Lowered Standards
“I’m looking for a long-term relationship. I’m a wonderful person. Please date me! I’m awesome! I really am! I haven’t gone on a date in years and I really want to! I’ll give you sex!”
Common Signs: Desperation dripping from every paragraph.
The Details: Girls like this are arguably the most common on dating sites, and oft the most overlooked. Those with extremely lowered standards are those that- for legitimate or merely psychological reasons- feel that they do not make the “cut” for a normal man, and begin to search for some sort of surrogate alternative. Many morbidly obese women, as you may guess, fall into this category.
How to Handle: Be careful. Girls like this oftentimes decide, independent of your actual worth, to simply take whatever comes their way. Do not get wrapped up in what you perceive to be a good relationship.
3. The Slut
“Who wants 2 hook up 2nite?”
Common Signs: Nude photos, nearly nude photos, sexual innuendo, any kind of references to sex.
The Details: The name says it all. Sluts are the kinds of girls who are essentially wallowing in their own libido, often to the point of being sexually involved with any man that seems “hot”. As you can probably imagine, this oftentimes results in the spread of STDs and other nastiness you don’t want to be involved in. Even outside of the potential for diseases, girls of this caliber often have major (Daddy) issues, which spawn a lot of their promiscuity.
How to Handle: Despite how attractive/available she may be, avoid these girls like the plague, mainly because they could very well be carrying the plague.
2. The “Broken”
“I had an abortion in the past with my ex-boyfriend I used to live with back when we were engaged and about to go to grad school”
Common Signs: Desperation, excessive secrecy, questionable circumstances, obvious perceptions of themselves as “broken”.
The Details: Girls who perceive themselves to be “broken” are very dangerous to be dating. On one hand, much like “The Lowered Standards”, they grasp for anything available to them, perceiving internal failure- be it some sort of physical defect, mental defect, emotional problem, you name it. The problem with this is often not the problem itself, but rather the methodology: the girls quickly develop complexes, and use it to foster incredibly unhealthy relationships based on desperation. The nature of their “brokenness” varies from girl to girl, but it oftentimes has a lot to do with prior dating- be it a prior pregnancy, some STD, a rape, or the like.
How to Handle: Be incredibly careful. If she seems too good to be true, she probably is. Everyone has secrets, but hers may not be something you want to handle. These girls can be amazing, so don’t write them off, but understand that their reasons for dating may be less than normal.
1. The Ticking Timebomb
“I really love kids! I’m a teacher and I adore babies! I really want to be a mommy someday. I really want to be a stay-at-home mom and have my husband work. I love babysitting!”
Common Signs: Any mention of liking children obsessively, mentions of babies, adoration of being a “wife” in the future, etc.
The Details: These girls are ticking timebombs in every sense of the word. Typically at a certain age (as early as 18, which is scary), girls suddenly get “the urge”- that is, they want a kid, and they want it now. Quite a bit of this is hormonal, other parts of it sociocultural, but all of it is dangerous. Girls like this typically let this obsession fester into a number of unhealthy activities, which generally manifest themselves online in the way of rampant manhunting. Girls like this are prone to being oddly openly sexual, laser-focused on marriage, and incessantly focused on family-related topics- even things like introducing you to her parents.
How to Handle: Run away.