What types of leather jackets are light enough to wear anytime during the year, yet warm enough to wear in winter? Better yet, how much should I be looking to spend and who makes good jackets?

Ohh, tough question. Let me start from the top.

Most leather jackets are going to be fairly hot regardless of style. Obviously, if you are looking for something versatile, I’d avoid any kind of super-heavy leather jacket- generally, ones with sheepskin insides/collars are the worst. I’ve found that motorcycle jackets are generally the coolest, but even they are pretty warm. So far as what you are willing to spend, leather jackets are damn expensive- expect to pay a couple hundred for a really, really good jacket. I’ve personally found that good quality leather jackets range from $250 to $800. Remember to shop for real leather- don’t get duped into super-cheap synthetic leather crap.

Now for the brand. So long as you aren’t buying off eBay or anything, honestly, you’ll find that even some of the smallest places have pretty high quality leatherware. Of course, groups like Schott NYC have absolutely great leather goods, and even more “designer” brands like Zegna are reputed to have decent jackets. Realistically, I’d advise you just go jacket hunting everywhere. Try everyone- leather stores, big department stores like Nordstroms, even places like Kenneth Cole joints. Ideally, go there physically, don’t shop online- not only can you try on the leather (which is important- tailoring leather is hard to do) AND check the quality. Look for a jacket with real leather, firm stitching, high quality zippers/snaps/whatever, and a good return/repair policy- treat the jacket like a major investment, much as you would a small car.

In any case, I’m sorry I can’t provide a single “go buy this” sort of answer- much like jeans, leather jackets are the kind of thing you have to go hunting for and try on. Good luck!

Part 1: General Grooming

Body Cleaning

Obviously, the number one thing you need to do to keep your skin and body in general clean and healthy is to take good, cleansing showers. Unlike what most will indicate to you, the average man has very little use for expensive bath soaps or extensive scrubs- many of the things you find at a grocery store will be just as good, cheaper, and generally easier to use. If you can, begin your shower by shampooing your hair, then work your way down with a body scrub- this way, gravity pulls the dirt down, and thus you don’t end up messing up anything you cleaned before. Additionally, if you can stand it, start with warm water and end with cold water- the former opens up pores and brings blood to your skin, the latter closes your pores and forces the blood back to your organs, theoretically improving circulation.

A warning- yes, you can overdo showers. As a general rule, unless in a special situation, no more than two a day- and even then, consider forgoing extensive shampooing, unless you must. Excessive showering can dry your skin out and leave your hair lifeless- it takes away the natural oils you need.

Shaving

Shaving is best done immediately after a shower, or at least soon after, when your facial hair is still relatively soft and moisturized by the shower itself.

Begin by rubbing warm water on your face where you plan to shave. Grab your shaving lotion and apply- don’t do too much, especially with gel-style shaving cream, which often is best applied rather lightly. As best you can, take a clean razor and follow the “grain” (direction) of your facial hair, which will not only help prevent cutting yourself, but also provide a much more satisfying, closer shave. Afterwords, rinse your face and the razor, dry the razor (pending it’s a disposable- this helps them last longer- avoid tapping them on the side of the sink, it can screw up the blades), and then dry your face off with a clean towel.

There are many different things you can use during or after a shave that supposedly helps- balms, aftershave, electric razors, you name it- so feel free to give them a shot. Many people have different types of facial hair (many men have incredibly coarse hair, some have very fine hair), so a lot of finding your “ideal shave” will be trial and error and personal preference.

Body Hair

This is a rather hot-debated topic.

Here’s the gist: do not, under any circumstances, shave your entire body bald. For some reason, there is a ridiculous presumption towards this trend that spawns (in my opinion) largely from a desire for women to do the very same thing- but avoid the temptation. Most women I have talked to on the subject generally agree that some body hair is attractive and normal- it’s body hair in excess that is really bothersome.

If you do decide to manage body hair, get yourself an electric razor with a guard or otherwise trim the hair in a way that maintains the hair, but keeps it light. As many will tell you regarding pubic hair, “trim, not shave”- a particular rule I feel applies to almost anywhere on the body. It is entirely appropriate to, within reason, lightly trim down scraggly leg hairs or body hairs, and obviously the pubic region should be trimmed both for sanitation and aesthetics.

The only exception to the above rules is when you have a “rug” of back or chest hair. If you somehow manage to look like Tom Selleck in Magnum, PI, you have a problem. Wax it or shave it.

Fingernails and Toenails

Most men forget about these. Do not do so.

Within reason, one should have as manicured fingernails and toenails as possible. Dirty fingernails make you look unkempt and dirty, and generally signal overall nastiness. At least every week, clip your fingernails and toenails, and keep them short and rounded- do NOT, under any circumstances, square them off or otherwise “decorate” them. Push back the cuticles, but avoid cutting them unless you know how- you can easily develop an infection.

Manicures are acceptable only if polish is not used. Get one if you must before an excessively formal function or something. Or, even better, learn how to just keep your fingernails nice and tidy at home and avoid the charge altogether. The best way to achieve this is soaking your fingers in hot water, clipping them, applying some sort of cuticle lotion (or, more reasonably, olive oil), pushing back your cuticles gently, and cleaning them off and removing any dead skin. You can, of course, do the same for your toes, pending you want to put forward the effort.

Hair Product

I hate to admit this, but the new Axe commercials are accurate: Women do not like men with “crunchy” or over processed hair.

If you have short hair, and choose to use product, prefer waxes (or perhaps pomades) over gels. Gel, which had something of popularity back in the early ’00s and late ’90s, has a bad habit of making hair “clumpy” and hard- something entirely unattractive in an increasingly natural hair world. Whatever you use, use it lightly, applying through your hair (back-to-front) to allow for an even look. If you’re confused or otherwise need help, ask your hairdresser- often, they will be able to tell you what works for your hair best.

If you have long hair,the key is to keep it clean- which may require conditioner or other products. If you have to use them, use them- messy long hair is absolutely horrible.

Part 2: The Extras

Cologne

We’ve covered this, so I won’t go into excessive detail, but just keep the main idea in mind: do not go overboard. Cologne should be a nice little secret that women smell when very close to you in a very brief whiff, not an oppressive cloud that dominates the olifactory system of everyone who gets within twenty feet of you. Also remember to pair your cologne with whatever deodorant you are wearing (or ideally, wear a scentless deodorant)- don’t conflict people with smells.

Facial Scrubs

Yes, you can use these and maintain your masculinity. Hell, PDiddy made money off of hawking Proactive and talking about his acne, you really can’t be faulted for maintaining your own. Facial scrubs keep acne and various oils at bay, make your skin look healthier, and are ridiculously easy to use- there’s no reason to pass them up.

Facial scrubs come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and prices, but don’t obsess over them- just find something cheap and efficient and use it. Most facial scrubs are rather harsh, so do not use them more than once every two days, lest you dry out your skin and tear it up excessively.

Lip Balm

Use it as much as you please. Just don’t use lip gloss or anything silly like that.

Teeth Whitening Products

These are incredibly expensive, but invaluable for those who drink copious amounts of tea, soda, or coffee. Crest Whitestrips seem to be the common tool for such ends, but many other options work well. In addition, many teeth whitening toothpastes exist that will help you keep your teeth relatively white and clean- feel free to check them out. If teeth whitening is really an issue, consider going to a dentist and having an actual whitening procedure done.

Tanning Products

DO NOT USE. Do not become an orange Oompa-loompa. They do not work. Get a real tan.

Hair Straighteners

DO NOT USE unless absolutely necessary.

1. Keep it Simple

A simple résumé is an easy, and therefore attractive, one to read. Lots of résumés on the market feature what many call “happy talk“- meaningless gibberish that only pads the resume and detracts from the main point. Most people are so strict about this “keep it simple” rule they often go to the extreme and say that a résumé should only be a single page- while I find that rather ridiculous (unless it’s double sided, in which it becomes more realistic), the point is a fair one. Don’t put in ridiculous jobs like that week you helped out your Uncle or your membership in your Counterstrike clan- rather, focus on the bare bones, and leave in enough mental questions for the interviewer to want to actually talk to you.

2. Tailor the Résumé to the Employer

DO NOT create one résumé and simply mass e-mail it out to anyone with a pulse- not only does it look stupid, but it misses a valuable opportunity: tailoring the résumé to the employer. For example, if you are applying for a programming position, your work as a Starbucks Barista is not really relevant/interesting, unless in the “I can hold a job and be responsible!” sense- rather, focus on your prior programming experience, your work with technology, and even possibly include that Counterstrike clan (depending on the company). If you really want to milk your experience, include a list of relevant college classes you’ve taken in the company’s subject, any trade shows you’ve attended, and other “value add” sort of information- it all helps. Diversity is incredibly important (so don’t cut the whole thing down to the résumé equivalent of a dead tree), and it is incredibly valuable to prove you are a diverse individual, but remember that your ability to perform the job you apply for comes first- additional information comes a far second.

3. Avoid being “Cute”, get to the point

Avoid being “Cute” and attempting to load your résumé with overused keywords (”ambitious”, “hard-working”, “loyal”, “responsible”, et al)- employers have seen them and block them out faster than Google does spam keywords on YouTube videos. Frankly, few employers are honestly going to care what your opinion of yourself is, and any attempt to artificially pad a résumé with a bunch of loaded words and phrases is going to work against you, not for you. If you want to demonstrate your candidacy for a particular position and ramble on about how “hard-working” you are, at least wait until an interview where you can legitimately demonstrate/discuss these.

4. Give it some Flair

Within reason, give your résumé some design. “Design” does not mean “Bright Red Comic Sans Font at 30pts”- rather, it means good, readable typography that looks professional yet modern. Though it complicates this process much more than one would like, don’t download pre-made templates online- rather, opt to create something at least partially of your own creation, with readable font (preferably something with serifs, around 12pt font) that your employer can easily scan. Use color incredibly sparingly, and unless you absolutely positively must lest the kidnapper kill your children, do not use images. Whitespace and typography is your friend.

5. Proofread at least three times

Hiring staff absolutely hate typos and misspellings. They absolutely do. Even the lowliest of positions will refuse to hire you if you cannot spell the name of your Alma Mater. They will cringe if you cannot type out simple information about yourself without making stupid spelling mistakes. They will explode in absolute earth-shattering rage if you cannot spell the name of their company. Check three times. Then four. Then check it over and over again. Spell check cannot be trusted.

In closing, if you must do anything at all,

Be succinct.

I’m planning on attending a few weddings, this Summer. I don’t want to be a wallflower, as it hurts the atmosphere and reflects poorly on me, but I also don’t want to get on the dance floor and act foolishly. How about posting some tips (yes, I saw the movie Hitch, but it’s just a movie & I feel like I need more info - especially regarding slow dancing).

I’ll confess right now: I’ve done ballroom dance for a while, and you can be safely confident that basically only 10% of any wedding actually knows how to dance, let alone how to dance well.

As a general rule, the most you’ll ever experience at a wedding will be the standard American (English) Waltz, the American Foxtrot, and PERHAPS (in a very rare situation) some form of latin dancing (Rumba, Cha-Cha, Salsa, etc). Generally, keeping with the theme of most weddings, the most you’ll ever actually do with most people is the standard “prom dance”- holding someone in an awkward position and shifting your weight back and forth awkwardly trying to look fancy. Honestly, the most you’ll need to worry about is not stepping on toes, bearing the amount of times your feet will be stepped on, and looking like you know how to dance when you do very little.

If you are worried, there’s nothing wrong with finding a ballroom dance studio and learning the basics. Ideally, find an instructor who is part of USA Dance or a competitive body of some sort, as they will generally know the intricacies of dancing much better than a hired-off-the-street Dance major. While you may not get to use all of what you learn (you’d be surprised how many soon-to-be-betrothed couples go to a ballroom dance studio to learn how to dance only to forget it later), learning how to have a good frame, move smoothly across the floor, and generally straighten out your two left feet is always a plus. There are plenty of resources online that explain how to dance, but unfortunately nothing will ever really match a good session with a talented instructor and a female partner.

Despite all of the above, you’ll be happy (sad?) to find out that more and more weddings now end up doing dancing that’s some sort of mixture of club dancing and raving or something. It’s as bad as it sounds. If that is indeed the case, I have no idea where you could learn how to dance- I’d just suffer through it.

In any case, good luck!

I’m a relatively slim guy. My upper body is pretty small and weak. However, my legs are potentially powerful enough to destroy the rest of my body, so my glutes and thighs are huge. How can I create a better balance between my upper and lower body?

The best way to build balance is to make sure you accentuate the top and bottom in ways to reduce the problems of both. For your bottom, avoid anything skin-tight or super baggy like the plague- instead, try to find stuff that fits you (particularly in the glutes, for obvious reasons), including some damn fine pairs of dress pants and jeans. True Religion jeans, while extremely expensive, are known for being accommodating in this respect- but virtually any brand of jeans will have some jeans that fit you, you’ll simply need to find the right pair. Look for straight leg jeans, or in some brands, loose/relaxed fit. For dress pants, you’re actually in luck- with the exception of more trendy brands, most retailers make dress pants slightly baggy anyway for some arbitrary reason- again, just try stuff on and try to find something tight enough to reduce the issue but baggy enough to avoid looking like tights.

For your top, I’d not only recommend weight lifting/exercising there to build up some size (it won’t hurt you), but I’d also just wear tops that accentuate your top well. Tighter fitting untucked button-downs will draw more attention to your upper body, as will v-necks and similar tops. In the winter, coats can assist. Still, quite honestly, this shouldn’t be a major issue- with the right pair of pants, the top should naturally fit in fairly well. Good luck!

Hi, I’m not going to beat around the bush, I’m just going to say it:

I’m fat. Not Jabba the Hutt fat, but if I were to compare myself to an actor, I’d say Ricky Gervais size, possibly slightly larger.

This is causing problems for me, as I don’t know what to wear. with a 40″ wasit size, I’m not 100% confident with myself.

Having just gotten out of a 17 month relationship (with the other half now being “happier than she has been in over a year” and interested in someone else), I’m interested to start dressing more fashionably, but I don’t really know what to shop for. The articles have helped a little, but seemingly not for the larger person.

So, I ask you. What should I wear?

Being heavier set can cause some trouble, fashion-wise. Ironically, you have the same issue as super skinny guys: because most fashion out on the racks is for some generic sizes, you are going to have a horrible time finding stuff that legitimately fits you. Regardless, there are some rules and shopping methods you can follow/use to really make use of your body type.

So what are some fashion rules to keep in mind?:

• Keep things relatively fitted, not loose or tight. It may seem hard to wear something that’s fitted (that may expose your stomach or something), but it is leagues better than going super-baggy. In the same vein, don’t go super-tight- give yourself room, lest you look like you are exploding out of your clothing.
• Avoid bold patterns, bowling/Hawaiian shirts, or other stereotypical looks. Bold patterns make you look even bigger. Bowling shirts and Hawaiian shirts are not only stereotypical and horrible (avoid looking like a character from a 90s sitcom), but they also violate the bold pattern rule. In a similar vein, avoid dressing like mafioso or anything because bigger guys on TV do so- it’s a bad idea.
• Avoid pleats and baggy pants like the plague- try to elongate your legs. Too many people will tell you to go for pleats- DO NOT. These make your waist look fat, even on the skinniest of men. Similarly, baggy pants (like “easy” or “loose” fit jeans) will have a similar result. Instead, focus on having longer pants with a longer hemline, and focus on trying to keep a long, natural legline- think flat front pants and/or straight leg jeans.
• Elongate your chest. V-neck t-shirts, henleys, three button blazers, and even slightly unbuttoned dress shirts elongate your neck/chest, and can sometimes hide an unsightly belly. Don’t go overboard and start wearing 80s-era padded shoulders- just find something reasonable in between. Supposedly, low-rise pants are supposed to help with this, but I haven’t seen them work- give them a shot anyway.
• Focus on dressing well, period. Oftentimes, the presumption with guys who are larger is laziness- combat this by dressing a shade better than you normally would. Err towards casual-professional- think snappy, stylish clothing, not t-shirts and beater jeans. Get great shoes, nice coats, and the like- really show off that you aren’t a slob.

I think the big lesson here is, like anyone else, you have to wear your fashion with confidence- don’t worry yourself to the point where you become a fashion hermit. Face the facts- there are no ways in which you can instantly, with fashion, make yourself skinny, so just rock what you wear and accept your shape. Trying to hide it is going to seem contrived- dress well and rock anything. You’ll be respected more.

In general, though, as you’re probably expecting me to say, I think it may be adviseable for you to start a good exercise plan, if at all possible. While most of the science on weight (Especially in regards to BMI) is utter bullshit, a good exercise campaign that helps you lose weight will help you feel better, give you more options clothing-wise, and just make you generally healthier. Even if you don’t exercise, try to eat healthier- all of us, large or not, could use that.

Good luck!

As many of you know, I’ve written previous guides along these lines for normal dating- but apparently, first dating is hard. First dates are oftentimes a completely different game- they can be difficult and end up going very well (serious connection with a girl culminating in a kiss), or really poorly (proverbially holding your head in your hands as your histrionic date talks about her ex boyfriends and texts them during the date (true story(!))). So, to help alleviate some worries, answer many e-mails I’ve gotten, and help out you in your next first date (that could always be your last first date!), here are some tips to make your first date the best damn first date ever.

Ground Rules

First off, let’s set off some overarching ground rules for your first date- from planning to the date itself.

Rule 1: No sex. I know this is a silly first rule to have, but virtually everyone in the dating community (who actually is part of the legitimate dating community) agrees with me: no sex on the first date, period. No nudity. Hell, even making out is pushing it. At most, a good date can end with a kiss- but said kiss should never be presumed to happen, but it should be the good ending of a great date- not the obligatory ending to a mediocre date.

Rule 2: Plan, plan, plan. Though it seems silly, plan out things if you can- but don’t make it obvious. Reserve the restaurant for the time of the date- and make sure your date can eat stuff off the menu. Plan a time in which your mind is free of outside worries. Obviously, have enough cash to pay for things. If she wants to go on a walk, try to know the surrounding area. While there is such a thing as over planning (never let your plans dominate the date- be flexible!), try to make things as easy as possible.

Rule 3: Show your best aspects, but learn more than tell. Of course, the idea here is to get to know your date. Be on your best behavior throughout the entire process- but really, worry less about talking/showing yourself and more about your date. Remember, she has as much of an onus to show you her worth as you do showing her your worth.

Rule 4: Keep yourself aloof, at least early on. No talking about marriage, your problems, or similar issues. Don’t show her to all of your friends, and don’t meet all of her friends. Don’t make long term promises. A first date is exploratory, not any indicator of marriage or something. Remember this.

Part 1: Prep Time

Okay, so, let’s hit the ground running. For the sake of making this a short article, I’m going to presume that somehow, you’ve found a girl, and you’re ready to ask her out on a date. Thankfully, you’ve done most of the work- pending the girl is telling the truth, she’s already shown enough interest to justify going on a date with you: you’re 75% of the way. The problem is, now, you have to pull out all the stops and amaze her with a great first date that will not only give her a taste of you, but leave her wanting at the same time.

First off, call her and make direct plans. Do not waffle, do not ask her what she “likes” or “wants”. Of course, you’ll want to have a few options- a few restaurants, a few movies or activity ideas, etc- but generally, the idea is to have things in mind and be confident in your ideas. Have a general idea of the menu, and ensure wherever you go has the opportunity for special diets (vegetarians/vegans, allergies, etc) to be accommodated. Plan a day, a time, and a location at minimum- basically, treat it like any other appointment you may have. Naturally, figure out transportation- figure out if you’ll pick her up (nice, but sometimes a bit intrusive for some girls), or if you’ll meet her there.

Second off, plan. Almost immediately when you hang up, make reservations for the restaurant you chose, if reservations are available. Buy tickets if you plan to go to a movie or show- most theaters make advance tickets available, even online. Clear plenty of time around the date, allowing you plenty of time to shower, dress, and devote your mind to the date. Basically, make all the calls necessary.

I can’t stress planning enough. Planning is what makes or breaks the logistics of a date. Right before the date, everything necessary should be fully prepared for to the best degree you can- virtually every part of you should be ready for the date, from head to toe and everything around you. You should have clothes ironed (if necessary), clean, and ready to go. You should be well groomed in every respect, from your hair to your finger/toenails to any stray body hair. Your car should be clean, if applicable, and obviously ready to make the drive to and from your date location. You should have all the cash you need to pay for the meal twice over, and then any accessory costs- be it dessert or just extra activities outside the main date. Obviously, if there is any sort of chance she may come to your place (not advisable), make sure your apartment/house is clean. In essence, you should be ready to make this date the best damn date ever- and you should do nothing to keep it from being as such.

Ideally, a date should be planned around something that you can do together, with plenty of chances to talk. Movie theaters are a poor choice. Talking over dinner, though stereotypical, is a great option, as it opens up plenty of discussion opportunities. Doing something like walking through a park is also a great option. Cooking classes and other fun, random endeavors are also fun, pending they don’t distract you/her too much. Avoid going overboard (keep the girl in her comfort zone- don’t take her off skydiving or something), and keep the date fun (no creepy “come-to-my-place-and-lets-talk” dates)- focus on conversation as much as you can and keep the activity light.

Despite all of this planning, be flexible. Understand your date, despite her interest in you, may not be able to commit to a ridiculously planned, demanding schedule. Don’t be miffed if she has to change dates or otherwise has to postpone the date- emergencies do come up. Obviously, don’t expect a date to go perfectly, either- though you want to make it such, perfect dates never exist, and you should be flexible enough to adapt to any sort of circumstance- be it a restaurant being full up, a car breakdown, rain, a movie theater breaking down, or that sort of thing. Ideally, the girl should never know you planned a lot, but it should show.

So far as what you should wear/be like, be yourself, but be yourself dressed up to a certain level. Even for a movie date, wear nice pants (nice jeans are okay in more casual situations), a good shirt, and good cologne. Shoes should be clean and usable, even for the longest of walks. Avoid ostentatious fashion or super-formal wear- stick with something fun and traditional, that shows yourself, but keeps you looking nice. Cologne, much like we’ve talked about on this website before, should be faint and nice. Avoid excessive gel or jewelry or anything- keep yourself simple, versatile, and fun.

Notes

• Don’t take a girl standing you up beforehand too personally. While it obviously is the equivalent of a slap in the face and/or a kick in the groin, remember girls whom make dates and avoid them later should not be dated in the first place. As a general rule, give a girl two chances to move the date if she “can’t make it”- and if she clearly is not interested, then just ignore her and move on.
• When you reserve a restaurant or buy a ticket, do so as early as possible. Good restaurants and movies fill up quickly, and it can often leave you unable to provide a date you “promised”. Strike early.
• If you have to make changes, tell her ASAP. Treat a date somewhat like a business meeting- keep people posted. Don’t change things abruptly.
• Plan to wear good clothing, especially good shoes. Many girls, who learned from their mothers, look to shoes for the quality of a man- and then, after that, they sometimes look at the style/brand of clothing he has on. Wear damn good shoes.
• Speaking of clothing, prepare for the weather. Clothing should neither be too thin or too thick. Remember, no matter the season, it may rain, get suddenly cold/hot, or just become unpleasant. Wear something as much of in the “middle of the road” as possible.

Part 2: Date Time

So, it’s the day of the date, and everything’s going as planned. How do you keep the date going well?

First off, remember, conversation is everything. If you prioritize anything, prioritize the ability to keep a conversation going. A good date will help this along, but even if she doesn’t, try your damnedest to keep her talking. Ask questions as much as possible- people love talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage. Without being stalker-ish, try to learn as much about your date (her interests/hobbies, her work/school, any animals she may have, her week, that sort of thing) and ask about them. Though it may be incredibly tempting, do NOT ramble about yourself- answer her questions and elaborate as necessary, but don’t spend too much time. Leave her wanting more information. If you have trouble talking- if she’s being difficult, or you just naturally have trouble in conversations period- ask questions and remain as light as possible. Oftentimes, there is no negative in honestly admitting you’re nervous/excited/naturally bad at conversations- don’t worry about admitting so.

Whatever you do, during conversation, remain yourself. Don’t fake anything. Don’t lie. Humans are inherently incredibly good at detecting lies and fakery, especially ham-handed attempts at being “cool”- so don’t even try it. Being yourself is more than sufficient for even the best girls in the world. Remember, the idea is for her to get to know you, not get to know who you want to be. Of course, you’ll want to be fun and interesting- don’t mope around and act boring just because that’s the “real” you- but be as true to yourself as possible.

Second off, make everything as easy and respectful as possible. This is where the planning comes into play. Your goal, as the male in the date, is to make the date as easy and worry free as possible: your date should not have to worry about anything at all. Pay for meals and other costs, if at all possible. Be kind to the waiter/waitress, and tip well. Ensure that she has what she needs- if it may rain, make sure you have an umbrella. Generally, remove the big questions from your date’s mind- she’ll thank you for it.

On top of this, exude manners like a refined gentleman. Hold doors- that includes car doors. Only begin eating after she begins eating. Avoid bad table manners. Use “please” and “thank you” as much as you can. Essentially, treat your date like a princess, no matter how silly it may be- it will not only impress her, but any of her friends. I’ve met a ridiculous amount of girls who have rules about the “quality” of guys as related to their manners in this regard- so brush up on your manners and knock her socks off. As silly as it may sound, most girls like to be treated like royalty at dates, as most dates are special to them- use this to your advantage.

Third off, end on a high note. This is where things get confusing, but important. After your date- after the movie, dinner, or whatever you have planned- remember to end on a high note and make her wanting more, not less. As I mentioned above, you want to have a clear, definitive ending to your date, leaving everything on a high note- not on a low note. Dinner dates, except uncommon ones, last about two to three hours: expect about that much, and no more, for a first date. Though she may be far too old for it, be sure to get her home before her “curfew”- don’t overextend your welcome, and make sure to give her plenty of opportunities to end it herself.

And, finally, the option of a kiss, a hug, or nothing at all. This is VERY dependent on the nature of the date (if it went well, if the girl is more open or not, etc), and it should entirely depend on how the flow is going. If the date is going incredibly well and you felt as if you connected well, going “in” for a kiss is a very viable option. However, hugging is fine too- and it is not an indication of disinterest or anything similar, so long as you aren’t cold about it. Play it by ear. I can’t give you a definitive answer- just go with the flow, and avoid being a pig. Just remember, no sex.

Notes

• Remember, you always have the option to get out too- so don’t stress out too much. Your date has as much of a responsibility to impress you as you do her. You can easily choose to not see her again, rather than the other way around.
• Focus on her. Eat lightly. Don’t zone her out and look around. Focus on her first, the food/movie/whatever second.
• Be nice to everyone. Be nice to wait staff, employees, other people, and the like. Most girls watch this carefully.
• Carry plenty of money and handle financial transactions discreetly for obvious reasons.
• Turn your cell phone off. Under no circumstances should it ever be on during a date unless there is the potential for a massive emergency involving something only you could fix. Texting is tantamount to slapping your date in the face.
• Avoid talking about anything inflammatory- ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, heavy political topics, etc. It is fine to talk about these in a joking, casual way, but no further. It is not fine to talk about religion, politics, ex-girlfriends/ex-boyfriends, personal problems (physical, mental, or otherwise), or other “heavy” topics. Leave these for subsequent dates and more private settings.
• On this topic, just don’t talk about heavy sexual topics. She’ll know you’re sending out feelers.
• PAY ATTENTION. You gain brownie points for actually remembering what she says.
• A first date kiss should be simple, romantic, but without sexuality. Don’t oversell it. Don’t make out. A single kiss can leave her wanting a lot more.

Part 3: After the Date

After a date, don’t drop the ball. If the date went well, don’t forget to keep the ball rolling- you can easily do perfectly during the date and ruin it afterward!

Plan to call at least two days and not more than 7 days after the date. Don’t do it the hour after, nor would it be entirely advisable to do so the day after- not unless you stay in contact a lot anyway. Give her a little bit of time to process the date, then propose a second. Any more than 7 days and you’re making it clear you aren’t interested. You don’t really have to propose another date, of course- calling to say you really enjoyed the date is fine enough to leave your proverbial calling card.

No matter how well the date went, don’t run around like crazy making her your new “girlfriend in training”. Don’t go off and talk about her to all of your buddies, your family, and your coworkers incessantly. Have some restraint- too much expectation can be creepy. Of course, you can talk about her- she’ll be flattered- just avoid making the insinuation that her going on a date with you made you a “couple” of some sort.

Finally, make every next date that much better. Keep knocking her socks off. Don’t let the first date be the best she ever gets. Every date is a learning experience- so, as much as possible, learn about your date and make all subsequent dates better if at all possible. Girls hate guys who have one good date and then a series of uninspired, boring crap-fests.

In Closing…

First dates are scary for everyone-even myself, despite the irony of the fact I’m writing this article. The work of having to basically sell oneself- that is, to make oneself attractive to a potential mate for the very first time- is a very intimidating thing. Though planning and pracice help, nothing can truly prepare you for a good date quite like just being yourself- as being yourself allows you to really, truly connect with your date and develop a true relationship, not a feigned one.

5. Do something you normally would never do.

Sure, you may have a lot of hobbies and interests- but are you really stepping outside of your comfort zone? Try doing so as much as possible- even if it seems awkward and stupid (which is often the idea), you grow from it much more than you ever would doing the same thing every day. This isn’t saying you should go immediately go bungie jumping or go sign yourself up for the military- rather, you should simply find ways in which you can do stuff you normally don’t do. Go to a play or an opera. Learn a new language. Go skydiving. Go to a party you would normally never go to. Do something that you would normally never do in your life- you might be pleasantly surprised at how much fun you have.

4. Cut down on the sweets/junk food and drink more water.

As I (and many nutritionists) have said incessantly, drinking/eating excessive amounts of junk food and sweets- be it candy, chips, baked goods, etc- will make you fat, sluggish, and  uninteresting. Everything works in a vicious cycle- as you eat more junk food and the like, you feel tired when you don’t eat said food- and the taste grows, you eat more, you get fatter, you have less energy as the food isn’t giving you anything nutritionally, and you become a proverbial couch potato. Trash the candy and chips and drink more water and eat more vegetables- it will help you in virtually evry aspect of your life, give you more energy to do more with your day, and slim you down.

3. Plan a Trip and get out.

Stop being locked up in your state/country/continent. Pack only what you absolutely need and get out- go traveling in Europe or in Asia, see what you want to see, do stuff for fun. Don’t get stuck on a saccharine trip with a tour guide and the proverbial condom of safety associated with having someone dictate things for you- go out and find things on your own. Make a temporary itinerary of stuff to do, and break it as much as possible. Get lost. Put yourself in an environment away from your computer, your work, and the safety of air conditioning and heat- you will become a better person for it.

2. Clean, consolidate, and eBay.

Chances are, you don’t need everything you have. Don’t be too much of a pack rat- it means you have too much in your life. Don’t get caught up in the frenzy of being an obsessive “collector” of things- though you may find it important to have all the movies/games/books you could ever want, sometimes it’s better to be mobile, relaxed, and open rather than to cram your apartment full of things you don’t need. Trash old stuff you don’t need anymore. Get digital copies of music and old video games (legally, please) and sell the hard copies. Sell or donate old schoolbooks and old clothing- someone else could use them much more than you could ever do so. With some of the money you get back, you could always buy new, better, much more useful things!

1. Improve your Resume

The problem with even the most successful people is invariably they end up getting stuck in a “rut”- once they get out of school and get a nice job, there is this overwhelming feeling of “I’m done”-ness that makes them, well, boring. Amusingly, graduate schools and employers are now less and less looking at the “normal” things such as your GPA and your class rank- oftentimes, they look at extracurricular activities and previous employers- which, unfortunately, sends such “boring” people to the back of the proverbial line. If you have the opportunity/availability, go out and get yourself accredited in whatever you may know how to do- for example, go get an A+ certification for your computer knowledge, or get certified as a personal trainer if you’re a health nut. Go out and do freelance work or donate your time for extra references on your resume. Take classes on the weekends. Do SOMETHING- with this economy, anything is good.

In general, though, the message of this article is simple- consolidate, work harder, and live better. Color outside of the lines occasionally. When you get caught up in the idea of doing everything normally- being the “right” person who does everything to form- you often miss out on the bigger picture in life. Even if you’re 60, you still have a free ticket to live your life like you should- don’t live your life like others tell you that you should. By all means, you should work hard- but play hard too.