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Five Internet-Born Dating Myths Dispelled

Written by Anonymous, Monday, November 3rd, 2008 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

Every so often, I get an e-mailwith some form of internet myth or copypasta that contains what I like to call an “Internet Myth”- that is, a commonly held concept on internet forums and chatrooms that seems to be taken as “fact”. Of course, most of these are anything BUT fact- they are usually fiction, if that at all. With that being said, allow me to get rid of some common myths- and try to inject some reality in the process.

Myth 1: No girls will like you, you are a geek.

Truth: Yes, if you are too geeky, you will repel girls. But in moderation, the right girls will not mind.

This is probably the most common: if you are a geek (be you a gamer, anime fan, or whatever the hell, depending on the forum), you immediately are a social pariah. You will have poor social skills, girls will scorn at you behind your back, and they will always stand you up when you talk to them. They will be able to “smell” the geek on you- and they will ostracize you because of it.

The truth is actually different for two reasons, but like any myth, there is some truth embedded in the fear. Fundamentally, if you are a “super geek” (that is to say, if you basically live and breathe some sort of nerdy passion, such as LARPing or something like that), you will indeed have a hard time finding women- if only because you will not come into contact with them often, and thus you may develop some social anxiety issues. This hits you in two ways, really- not only are the women less available (well, except for your typical wannabe-queen crazies who hang around geeks to feel “special” and be “the girl”), but because these women are unavailable, you tend to develop awkward concepts of dating, social interaction, and generally screw up socially.

The second aspect of this myth is that “all girls” will hate you, which is a massive lie- it all depends on the girls you are using to develop this grandiose assumption. Typically, these kinds of posts will hurt because it will remind the reader about being ignored on an attempt to date a specific girl (a current or past crush) and it will dig in like a knife- thus providing the effect desired.

The truth to all of this? Yes, if you do hole yourself up and do nothing but play video games all day, you will have an issue finding women. Your hygeine and ability to socialize in modern society may deteriorate. However, this does not mean you are lost- in reality, if you moderate your habits (key word: moderate), you will be as attractive as anyone else.

Another bigger issue is that of your “sample” for your decision- that is, that most guys who make decisions like “All girls hate me” usually do so because of one or two specific examples, which is ridiculous (and painfully unscientific). When I get e-mails along these lines, they usually reduce to this issue in one form or another, usually something like this:

  • Searching far outside of your social group. A nerdy, geeky guy will probably have a hard time dating “the cheerleader”. It’s not impossible, but if he constantly compares himself far outside of his social group, he will screw up.
  • Searching for the impossible or the unlikely. If all of the girls you look for are married or currently dating, you will not fare well. It just doesn’t work that way.
  • Searching for the nonexistent. “No 3D girls understand me” is a common variant on this. You will not be able to date if you constantly look for the physical incarnation of some moeblob from Clannad or something like that.

And that’s about it. The key lesson from this myth is simple: every hobby should be in moderation (even guys into “normal” stuff like sports can go overboard) and you should always keep reality in your crushes- because there’s no reason you should make ridiculous determinations like “all women hate me” when you use one or two samples of girls who don’t even exist.

Myth 2: The best way to get a girlfriend/get laid is _____

Truth: There is no surefire algorithmic way.

This myth is just ridiculous for a huge number of reasons.

First and foremost, all girls are different just like all guys are different- this is obvious. There is no easy formula to get a girlfriend- while you can generally make yourself the best person you can and do things in order to facilitate getting one, there is no algorithm that equals girlfriend. Some girls translate certain actions (such as holding doors) in one way, others translate it a different way- and that applies to virtually everything you can do. Dating books/guides can only (pitifully) attempt to prepare you to pick up specific types of women- not always the kinds you want.

There is no best way to “get” a girlfriend- it’s always different depending on the girl. No, wearing a certain kind of cologne, going to a certain restaurant, or driving a certain car will not mean instant-girlfriend. Sure, doing well at a date will be better results-wise- but nothing will be a sure-fire way. Sorry to shoot down your plane.

Myth 3: Everyone is having sex but you.

Truth: Very few people are like you may think. Many are going completely without.

You can thank popular culture for this one, but the Internet has done nothing but expontentially exploded this rumor.

Okay, let’s get this straight: everyone is not having sex. Many couples do not have sex today and operate just fine. Many college students are not having sex- even if they may say they are doing so. Sure, there may be those who go out and party and screw themselves- but that’s a separate group. Even those who you might presume are heavily sexually active may be complete virgins- you are not guaranteed a thing.

This is not a bad thing. Our insanely strict Western Judeo-Christian roots aside, sex is not something you absolutely need- the media tells you so erroneously. You do not “need” sex. You do not have to have it by a specific time. Just because you hold off now does not mean you will become a “40 year old virgin”. In fact, many couples who hold off for sex until marriage (or just don’t go overboard with it quickly) have better relationships, because they built up a solid relationship outside of physical contact and used that as a medium later, not immediately.

This is generally the reason why worrying about the “common male worries” (penis size, potency, etc etc) is ridiculous. You are not expected to be a pornstar in your lifetime.

Stop being a sheep when it comes to issues like this- a lot of the reason most guys assume this is such a big deal is because the media (predominantly movies and music, but other forms as well) stresses it so much. TV shows and movies constantly reinforce the concept that sex is something everyone is having- and it’s always sexy, awesome, and, according to most hyper-sterilized movies, all of about two seconds of choreographed naked grunting. It’s not that, and it’s not necessary. Relax.

Myth 4: You are ugly, everyone else is beautiful.

Truth: Everyone is pretty normal.

One would think the existence of Photoshop would help people understand the falsehood of most photos online.

Sure, there are people in the world who are ridiculously good looking- but those are few and far between. In reality, most people are remarkably normal (thus reinforcing the term normal)- and chances are, you are normal too. You are not ugly, but neither are you model-like. Hell, even models aren’t model-like- if you take a look at any normal model shots (say, undoctored shots from runway shows), actual tangible beauty isn’t a major player anymore.

Yes, magazines such as Men’s Health doctor their photos. Everyone does in that business. Girls obsess over this stuff, and statistics are showing that men are beginning to do so as well- but in most cases, it’s ridiculous. Remember- with a team of talented photoshoppers, cameramen, and lighting professionals, you could look awesome too. It’s all about the money put into the project and the amount of effort put into making you look amazing. If you’ve seen photos of celebrities walking around without makeup on (like, on tabloid websites), you can see this in action.

And on this topic, ignore those who post themselves online in a bragging way. It’s just being harassing and ridiculous. They will grow old like everyone else.

In Closing: For myths I have not covered-

Stop believing what you read online.

Seriously. Stop taking everything for face value. Just because some forum online says that no women will like you does not justify you going overboard. Remember, this is the internet- home of crazies of all brands, who believe all sorts of strange crap. Are you really going to take advice from some anonymous idiots online?

Scrutinize everything you can. Test it for yourself. Don’t believe it on face value. Hell, don’t believe me instantly (I can be wrong often). Don’t stress out over past relationships and make jump decisions or otherwise try to change yourself drastically over small issues.

Just treat everything like politics- always assume there will be some truth, but not until you wade through a whole hell of a lot of bullshit.

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6 Responses to Five Internet-Born Dating Myths Dispelled

  1. aw man says:

    Why didn’t you use the e/n subforum for the screenshot? It makes total sense.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Good shit man! 😀

  3. Bo says:

    INTERNET – SERIOUS BUSINESS

  4. Anonymous says:

    I thought you said there were five? That’s only 4.

  5. Tyciol says:

    Great guide, it should clear up misunderstandings for a lot of people. I found it a good reminder too, I usually look outside my ‘social group’ (I wouldn’t call nerdy interests a ‘group’ all the time…) for mates, heh.

  6. Anonymous says:

    “Just treat everything like politics- always assume there will be some truth, but not until you wade through a whole hell of a lot of bullshit.”

    Concur^21

    I thought this was great advice. Matter of fact, I think it would suit well as a catchphrase of the internet.

    or something.

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