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I have covered online dating profile creation before for a very big reason: many guys now utilize such services for dating. It’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about- a surprising percentage of adults now use online dating services of various import to find love, and it’s shaping up to be the new face of dating in a big way. Because of this, crafting an attractive profile is paramount- so here are 6 ways to fundamentally improve your profile and, implicitly, your chances of getting a date in the future.

1 – Have good pictures, improve them whenever possible

I cannot stress this topic enough: have good pictures and make damn sure they are recent, interesting, and flattering. At least one of these pictures should be a good facial shot, and at least one of these shots should be a not-too-blatant shot of your body. Both of these are absolutely essential.

Under no circumstances should you ever post “myspace shots” (odd angles, mirror shots in the bathroom, etc), pictures of yourself that are edited in photoshop, or group shots that make your identity difficult to ascertain or imposing. Never take photos wearing sunglasses, hats, or other items that may indicate creepiness or being in a state of balding. Do not try to show of “the guns”, that’s stupid. The best photos are ones that are flattering and attractive without being staged, usually taken in interesting places or scenarios (meaning you are an interesting person), and ones that, while not blatant about it, show yourself in enough contexts to show your general looks, including your body shape. Feel free to throw in any conversation starting photos, pending they are legitimate conversation starters: pictures of yourself in your mother’s basement in a kimono carrying a katana you purchased online is not a conversation starter as much as it is very excellent woman repellent.

This should not need mentioning, but I will do so anyway: no nude photos or “sexy photos” or anything even possibly related to those categories. For one thing, you will not do them right. For another thing, they are usually not attractive to women for a bevy of reasons. Do not bother.

2 – Detail is nice, but mystery is also important

Yes, you absolutely must put information on your profile: generally, the more, the better. However, there is a limit to the amount of information you can put on- and at a certain point, you seem excessively wordy and really really boring.

The best example most people are guilty of is posting excessively long lists of favorite movies, music, or books. While these are, much like pictures, phenomenal conversation starters, these also don’t represent you very well, and should be kept relatively terse in terms of other information about you. In a very similar vein, do not post long blocks of information about your past relationship history, your work history, your scholastic achievements, or the like. Frankly, no-one wants to read that, and such information is best divulged gradually through conversation, not explosively through huge swaths of text online. Feel free to go into detail about yourself from a wide angle: just don’t go too deep.

3 – Avoid negativity

Under no circumstances should you ever be negative in your profile- that includes any sort of deriding comment, bitchy rant, or even a long list of requirements you have for women.

The reason for this is fairly obvious: negativity breeds negativity, and you want the reader of your profile to come off with a good taste, not a bad one. There is absolutely no reason you should complain on a stupid short dating website profile. If you want to learn the effect of this negativity, go find a girl’s profile with a lot of complaining on it- undoubtedly, you’ll find her stuck-up, slightly unsavory, and possibly even outright bitchy. If you have issues with the wrong kind of women (or men) sending messages to you, deal with them quietly and without much fanfare.

Do not lie and fill the profile with excuses as to why you are on a dating site. No-one believes your friend dared you to go on the website. No-one believes you came on the site as a joke or on a lark. Few will believe you if you say you came on to see who you got matched up with for “laughs”. Be outright and cop to your interest in dating: no-one is being fooled.

Furthermore, avoid posting stuff that most would find aversive. As I implied above, no creepy Japanophile crap. Do not run your mouth about your creepy fetishes, interests, or obsessions. Do not mention mental disorders. Mention diseases only if necessary (always mention things like AIDS, herpes, and the like- pretending they are not there does not make them disappear). Do not imply any sort of Oedipal connection to your mother, or otherwise confess any sort of strange obsession or situational issue. Indeed, you should mention if you still live with your parents and do not have a job or otherwise have colloquially “failed to launch”- just keep the information terse, do not try to weave a sorrowful tale of your own ineptitude.

Also, a quick addendum: under no circumstances should you ever say a phrase along the lines of “I just got out of a bad relationship” or “Looking for a real woman” or “I want something real“. These are all subversive ways of indicating a bad relationship history, which is not only negative, but incredibly off-putting. No-one wants to be a rebound or a “repair girl”.

4 – Avoid stating the pointless/obvious/common

As mentioned above, everyone on dating sites likes to excessively list favorite music, movies, and similar “favorites”. Further, dating websites tropes exist- little phrases and concepts that seemingly everyone says that, after being repeated so ridiculously often, mean utterly nothing in the big picture. Discard them.

You only need to look at other profiles to see what I’m talking about: get rid of phrases like “fun-loving”, topics like how you’re “just a romantic”, boring repetitive crap like “I’m just a laid back person”, and anything else that you see on other profiles. Don’t insert inane inside jokes, pointless “shout outs” to friends, or other things that will be nothing more than stumbling blocks to the streamlined presentation of you. Trust me, if you don’t delete such useless text, other people will mentally delete it for you.

5 – Don’t be hyper-exclusive

Avoid making excessive lists of demands about your potential date. This is not only negative (see above) but also just really really prohibitive to finding interesting people.

It’s not uncommon to see many profiles laden with what are veritable laundry lists of demands, ranging from “must like [sports team]” to “must be a good cook”. These requirements are basically trash: they are ridiculous requirements that really are not necessary in the search of finding a good mate. Get rid of them. No-one finds it clever that you require liking a band to dating you: rather, it looks arrogant and pigheaded, like a child who refuses to play with other children unless they have the same toys. Open up the “range” of possible dates in virtually every sense- ethnicity, age, locale (within reason), political affiliation, and the like. You’ll be surprised the bevy of amazing people you will find.

6 – Be active and aggressive

This is the defining line between the people who end up making dating sites work for them and others who complain about them not working. Aggressiveness is everything.

Do not be, in the terms of the Japanese, a herbivorous man. Sitting around on a dating site expecting women to come to you is a losing battle: the dating world is still very much a hunter-prey system, with men firmly cemented into the role of the hunter. Because of this, you- yes, you- are expected to initiate contact, continue discussions, and pursue dates. When you want a dating site to work for you, if you pay for it or not, you need to be willing to get on often, message people often, change your profile and pictures often (even if entirely arbitrarily), and  generally consider the entire affair an active process, not a passive one. You are not paying a matchmaker; it is entirely up to you to find your mate- a dating site is merely an advanced tool.

So basically, get your butt out there and work at it. It’s that simple.

I just recently started dating this girl, but it seems kinda odd: I’m a really stable and normal guy with a house, but her past boyfriends have all been loser druggies who she clubbed with. Is this a trap?

Yes.

On one hand, some girls learn, much as guys do. A lot of girls- and I truly mean a lot- begin their dating careers going after the “bad boys” or those who seem vaguely interesting, essentially dating whatever seems fun at the time. This begins generally in high school, and for many girls, it ends in high school as well- they learn what to avoid and move on. Of course, guys exhibit similar behavior- it’s a kind of growing-up trend everyone goes through.

The problem are what I will really somewhat cruelly call the “fixer-uppers”- that is, something of a mixture of the online “The Lowered Standards” and “The ‘Broken’”. These girls try to have their cake and eat it too- while they are young and have energy, they date the guys who they find interesting but would never marry- the proverbial rock stars and starving artists. However, at a certain point (most people like to say 30, but I like to argue it happens as early as 22-23, once a girl is out of college and on her own), these girls suddenly realize that they want stability and everything those other guys weren’t- so they find the nearest “safe bet” and attach to him quickly. Put another way, the girl becomes intensely aware that she has a biological clock, and she begins making sacrifices of what she wants for future security.

Naturally, everyone has a dating history, and some of them are bad- but as you can probably imagine, I tend to not like these girls very much, and I advise many friends to avoid them. Girls of this caliber can be very dangerous- trying to force marriage through pregnancy and having STDs (both I have seen occur as a third party). In addition, I just have something against them from an ethical standpoint- I think it’s really cruel that many women go after nice guys after they have their “fun” in youth, essentially expecting that they are absolved from everything they do until they arbitrarily decide that it’s time to get “serious” and suddenly everything suddenly becomes important. If her reason for dating you is more like a battle plan (“you have a future”) than an emotional reason (“I like you”), stay the hell away. If she seems to be acting way out of character (such as withholding even basic affection from you), be cautious. If she ever gives you the “you can’t judge me” speech (which is the whole “You can’t judge me, I learn from my experiences, the fact that I have [Insert: 3 kids, Herpes, a history of living with 30 past boyfriends, etc] doesn’t matter, everyone makes mistakes, I’m a unique person, you’re lucky to have me…” spiel) then you likely know that you probably want to stay away.

Now that I’ve probably scared your pants off, allow me to go ahead and say that the fact that girls like this exist does not necessarily mean that your girlfriend is one of them. Be open with her about it and ask her why she made such a big change. Some girls legitimately make mistakes. Still, don’t be a sheep.

What is appropriate gift giving protocol for women? I’m now dating a girl I met a few months ago. Should I buy her gifts? How often?

Buying gifts for women is a very touchy subject: you are almost always going to be toeing the line between appearing uncaring and appearing like you are buying her off.

The general rule for this sort of thing is to buy a girl gifts sparingly and thoughtfully. Buying gifts in “bulk”- that is, what a lot of people casually call buying a girl off- almost always appears crass and tacky. Doing so a lot of times appears that you are trying to “buy” her with gifts to convince her to stay with you- and it very well make her stay with you just for the monetary benefit. Additionally, it may appear to her that you think she is shallow enough to stay with you for money. It’s just a damn sticky situation.

Long story short, wait until meaningful times to purchase gifts. Don’t wait until obvious holidays or anything- give gifts randomly and sparingly, and put a lot of thought into them. Those are ultimately worth more than any amount of meaningless gifts.

James Sears, AKA “Dmitri the Lover” and born Dimitrious Sarafopoulos, is incredibly famous in the Toronto area as ”[the] world’s greatest lover” and “Canada’s greatest seducer”- both names he’s recently given himself. Alongside his website, dmitrithelover.com, Sears has recently created the Toronto Real Men (TRM) network- a “anti-feminism” club where he charges exorbitant fees to men in the Toronto area for “seduction” classes which can cost around $40 a pop. Naturally, his self-important and often firestarting nature has landed himself in newspapers and websites across North America. On his website, he calls himself everything from “elegant” to “sexy” to even “[a] sexually-obsessed animal”.

Nonetheless, there is something special about James Sears: he’s the best example of a “pickup artist” I’ve ever had. Why? James Sears, AKA “Dmitri the Lover” or “Joseph the Lover” or whatever he wants to call himself, is absolutely, in my professional opinion, insane. Don’t believe me?

James Sears pre-”Dmitri”

James Sears was born in Toronto to a troubled family- allegedly, according to one Toronto Sun article, one parent was an abusive alcoholic, the other struggled with mental illness. In Sears’ own words, “My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was just a borderline manic, histrionic, dramatic woman, and I did not grow up really understanding what love was”. Despite this troubled history, Sears nonetheless was revealed to be relatively bright, which allowed him to enter the University of Toronto medical school in 1986. During this time Sears also served in the Canadian armed forces.

During Sears’ work in the armed forces, it became remarkably clear that something was wrong with Sears. Initially, it seemingly began with a psychological evaluation of Sears by a Canadian military psychologist, who was called in regarding reportedly “erratic” behavior. It got worse. In 1991, sexual assault allegations regarding Sears’ medical practices began to come into light. According to the accusers, during his work, Sears made “verbal sexual overtures” toward his patients and “sexually assaulted them by attempting to kiss and embrace them”- all during routine checkups. Allegations also emerged that Sears would compulsively masturbate during work by going to the washroom between seeing patients. Sears pled guilty to these allegations in 1992, though he later would note that he felt “pressured” by his lawyer(s). He later appealed these charges, and was subsequently acquitted. Nonetheless, he did not re-acquire his medical license, as the authority on such things in Canada still supposedly found him too much of a live wire. Allegations also emerged during that time that during Sears’ work in the Canadian armed forces, he may have tried to forcibly enter a female officer’s room. Cops allegedly found empty grenade canisters, a stun gun and mace in his room. I cannot personally verify this information.

Essentially powerless without his medical accredidation, Sears immediately took to (relatively) behaving himself with a company that specialized in medical work (which somehow skated around the fact Sears is not an “official” doctor). In 2004, James Sears formally launched the “Toronto Real Men’s Network”, a purportedly “anti-Metrosexual” group supposedly helping men become more “masculine”, allegedly fighting some kind of “feminist alarm”.

TRM Network : The Pitch

The Toronto Real Men’s Network is, well… read it for yourself:

TORONTO REAL MEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM is a community dedicated to de-feminizing the men of Toronto, and encouraging women to become more sexually liberated. Real men are sex hungry studs and real women are bisexual sluts.

Yep. It reads like a 12 year old’s concept of a dating manual, but it’s pretty straightforward: TRM has classes run by James Sears (going now by “Dmitri the Lover”) and his “girlfriend”, who provide a variety of courses oriented towards helping Toronto men feel less guilty about wanting to have sex and pushing them towards doing it as much as humanly possible. The selling point, much like other similar organizations, is that “Dmitri the Lover” sells himslf as some sort of dating/sex god, including noting to potential female browsers about his sexual abilities.

According to Dmitri, men are “born murderers and rapists”- and the only way to come to terms with that, to escape societal repression, and to ultimately get laid is to essentially succumb to those desires, at least in a manageable way. This somehow also seems to include not drinking alcohol for some obtuse unknown-to-this-author reason.

Also according to Dmitri, women are born bisexual sluts- meaning, yes, oversexed uncaring sexpots. Of course, much like the “born murderer and rapist” tagline, Dmitri’s concept of escape from the “prison” of societal control is just letting go- and presumably having sex with anything in sight, probably including him.

Naturally, there is a price tag to all of this. Whereas the bulk of what’s online is free, the courses themselves range anywhere from a couple hundred dollars to, of course, a weekend course for $5997.00 or a 5 day course of $97,500.00 (plus tax).

The Analysis

Here’s where I tear James Sears apart.

First off, let me do my traditional thing and create a disclaimer: I don’t personally know Dmitri the Lover. I don’t know James Sears from Adam, beyond the research I’ve done on the man. Realistically, I seriously doubt I would want to physically meet Sears, nor do I feel I would be able to hold a normal, logical conversation with him, medical degree or not. Some information here could very likely be biased by women who, rightly so, hate him enough to exaggerate his ”evil-ness”. However, that being said, court documents and newspapers do not lie, at least for the most part.

James Sears, in my opinion, is insane. Given the above facts, it is not only clear that Sears may possess behavioral issues and impulse control issues, but it is also pretty clear that he’s a misogynistic idiot. The ridiculous attempt at pop psychology Sears endorses is, frankly, vomit inducing. His concept of the world- with hyper dominant men and hyper sexualized women reminiscint of a Boris Vallejo painting- leads one to question the factors that may have led up to this perception of the world, as well as why he feels it necessary for men to hyper-exert their dominance to women.

Realistically, of course, his “tricks” and “methods” don’t really work- and when they are revealed to an impartial audience, they simply seem stupid. Don’t believe me? Women have recorded voicemails he left them- and yes, they are THAT bad.

Women are not “sluts” and men are not “born murderers and rapists”- this is Sears’ misreading of what is essentially part of Freudian psychological drive theory. Yes, all of us have parts in us who want to have sex with, kill, and eat everything not glued down. Both genders possess these drives to various urges, along with a huge number of other drives that govern our actions. Basic Freudian psychology endorses this idea- it is our looming Id which we bash down every single second of every day. It is, in another sense, part of our pleasure principle.

Does this mean that, in the any sense, we are to let our Id run rampant and operate entirely on the pleasure principle? Absolutely not. Doing so is incredibly ridiculous and childish, and it indicates someone who does not think through the full ramifications of such behavior. Would we all suddenly behave based on our bare impulses, the ability to constructively work for ourselves in the long term- and generally, the ability for us to work collectively- is destroyed. In the great sort of Judeo-Christian sense, it is our ability to withhold pleasure and to sacrifice ourselves in various ways for future pleasure or for the benefit of others that facilitates life as we have it now.

Sure, this theory might work on the club floor, as no doubt David DeAngelo’s books work in that realm- but the club world is not the real world. “Dmitri the Lover” may be able to swagger around a club picking up absolutely piss drunk women with his wide open shirts and his heavy cologne, but this is an incredibly limited and ultimately boring life.

Honestly, the way in which “Dmitri the Lover” constructs his world (or his ideal worldview) leads me to believe that he may have deep seated fears of women and a serious inferiority complex. The need to force upon the world a system where men are hyper-masculine and (in essence) control women leads one to believe that James Sears is afraid of his own masculinity- and, in essence, “needs help” with it. One might liken Sears to the stereotypical American “jock” who overcompensates his masculinity through sports and drinking to hide his fear of being perceived as feminine.

The Take-Away

What can we learn from James Sears?

First off, the most powerful lesson here is merely to not trust pickup artist clubs/schemes. James Sears is not the only mental ward patient running around claiming he can pick up women fueled by arrogance- there are a lot of them, some hiding their insanity better than others. These men may seem powerful and dominant and in control, but this facade is merely that: a facade. Oftentimes, these men only manage to get women through sheer luck independent of their “skills”- and being roped into obeying them (and worse, paying them) is to implicitly gamble on your own love life.

Second off, Sears is a great example of the folly of “manly” culture. Indeed, I (and many other people on many different websites and in many different blogs) wholly endorse being masculine without shame- but there is an upper limit to such behavior. Being truly masculine is often not necessarily feeling the need to scream your gender from the rooftops, but often rather merely the ability to, with dignity, be confident and cool and understand yourself.

You always talk about how pickup guides are bad, but they always work I use them all the time. Why hate them if they work?

Because the reason they work has very little to do with the actual content- in my opinion, it’s about 75% placebo effect, 25% general knowledge that can be found anywhere. Allow me to explain.

The main reason why dating guides “work” has very little to do with their execution- if you want to get somewhat theoretical, these books work for the very reason why people seem to think praying (be it traditional Judeo-Christian prayer or stuff like the Heart Sutra) works. In the act of reading these books, guys do not become inherently better “pick-up artists”, nor do they magically become better looking or better lovers. Rather, the effect is largely mental: because they believe they have become better, they are more likely to go out and try (and develop self-confidence regardless of execution), which means their chances become exponentially better. If you could convince the person enough, you could do the very same thing with a charm, a “special” cologne, or some other ridiculous placebo: if the person honestly believes it and it makes them feel good, it has the same result.

Another way in which they “work” independent of content is that sometimes they provide general knowledge that you need to have- that is, a general concept of social mores and the like. While I’m not saying “Double your Dating” is anything close to educational, what such books do is give you an idea of what to expect and what some people have succeeded with. In some cases, some of this information could be very valid- that is to say, eventually, in some specific very limited situation, the information could be entirely valid and useful.

Still, I don’t advise buying them or even reading them- I have (for a previous article), and I regret the time wasted. Develop your confidence and knowledge in a more realistic way- throw yourself into foreign situations and work your way around them without having to have some silly fratboy-crafted bible as your guide. That’s much more natural and wholly more realistic.

My friend is geeky and he likes a lot of anime and games and cards and stuff. Problem is he now is talking about how girls are ‘b—-s’ and how no girls are ‘worth it’. Advice?

I like to call this geek-brand misogyny, and it’s out there a lot more than you think. Here’s how to deal with it in a nutshell.

First off, understand where this comes from- it’s not entirely strange to think like your friend. Many geeks find, through various circumstances, that “real” women (i.e. the kinds of girls they want and/or admire or whatever) are inaccessible- and through some interesting mental processes, rather than thinking “I want and I cannot have”, they think “I don’t want so it’s not an issue”. This, tied in with the way in which games/anime/eroge/the like portray women in “perfect” lights, really develops a unique kind of woman hating energy that can really come across as crass.

This is also why dating sims/eroge/romance anime exist, in sort of a circular way- they exist because geeks want idyllic women because real women don’t seem good enough because they play/watch because geeks want idyllic women (etc etc).

So what do I recommend you do?

First off, help him find opportunities to approach and interact with real, interesting women. Do not let him become excessively attached (many “Geek-brand misogynists” ironically do this easily), but let him actually go out and do things with real women in groups- re-orient him to real, breathing, interesting, and normal women. Do not let him recede into his fantasy world- shove him out there and make him stay there to the best of your ability.

Once you begin that, it may be best to enlist some (female) help. While you’re shoving them out there, get some female buddies to help him pull further out of his shell- let them help him meet interesting people, and let them do some of the heavy lifting with him. This doesn’t have to be a full out intervention- the more subtle, arguably the better- but let them try using their own skills. Guys can only do so much in this situation.

Finally, remember that if he’s like this, he might simply not change. While I admire you wanting to help him, if he’s adamant, there’s not much you can do. He might have to learn on his own time, unfortunately.

“The Frisky”, a Turner-run equivalent to this site for women, has recently posted an article simply entitled “10 Things Women Don’t Understand About Men“, in which they ask some really ridiculous questions about men’s behavior. That being said, obviously, such an opportunity will not go ignored here- so here are the answers for The Frisky’s “10 Things Women Don’t Understand About Men“.

1. What is so hard about asking for directions?

It’s all ego and a little bit of wanderlust. The predominant theme, of course, is the ego- and in a general sense, the desire to fix something for oneself. Men typically are acculturated (at least in the west) to be as little interdependent as possible, which is precisely why the problem of “we’re lost” is generally fixed by the thought of “I’ll find a way out by myself”. As well, most guys have a kind of passive desire to discover things for themselves, as opposed to following directions- meaning, in essence, that it’s more “fun” to see the inner mechanisms yourself than to have someone explain it to you in detail.

2. Why do you need a gadget to unlock your car door?

I’m not sure why (stereotypical) women pretend like they don’t have their own gadgetry to fool around with- like vibrating mascara brushes (yes, that does sound dirty) and the like. In general, men like gadgets because they represent the new and the strange- and a lot of guys like the status bonus of having the latest and greatest stuff. As ironic as it may be, this is the exact reason why many self-important “businessmen” once ran around with pagers strapped to their belts- it had nothing to do with convenience as much as it had to do with the ambiance it perceptibly gave them.

3. What is it about “Star Wars”?

“Star Wars” is famous because it is generally accepted to be a really good genre-defining movie. “Star Wars” isn’t what we would consider some sort of tear-jerking masterpiece of writing, but what it does is evokes a sense of fun that only the Sci-Fi genre can. Similarly, movie series like the “Indiana Jones” series do this well not because of the complexity of the story, but because, in a kind of “Flash Gordon” sort of way, we get a kick out of the simplicity and action. Many guys will argue there’s a lot of depth to “Star Wars”- that may or may not be true, but it seems to mainly boil back down to the idea of the genre being fun for the sake of fun.

4. And the “bro hug”? Hug it out or don’t hug it out, you know?

As I’ll also note below, men do not like to touch each other, mainly because inter-male affection is frowned upon in most Western societies. In India and many other countries, this is very different- but you get what your culture has borne, and in this case, it’s a strong sense of personal space between members of the male sex. Would you much rather have us holding hands and hugging affectionately (as happens in the streets of India much more than it does between members of the opposite sex)? I think not.

5. When you keep one seat between you and your buddy at the movies, are you saving room for the holy spirit or what?

See the above. It also happens to give us more leg room and more arm room, which is ultimately more comfortable. If you ever take the time to look, most men sit fairly spread out, which is often cited as an attempt to be dominant and mark space. Females, trained to be relatively compact (both possibly as a sign of submission and also as a way to prevent showing panties in a skirt), do not do this.

6. Why are you so hung up on the bitchy girls?

Why are you so hung up on bitchy guys? The answer is simple: no-one likes problematic people, regardless of gender.

7. If you want to break up with us, why don’t you say so?

I’m not entirely sure where this question comes from (smacks of some angry female author making an article about an ex-boyfriend or something), but the general answer to this is just as complex as with girls: a lot of reasons. Some guys like the sex. Some don’t know how to safely break it off. Some don’t know if they want to break it off themselves. It’s always different and very hard to describe, and very dependent on the situation at hand.

8. Forget about putting the seat down, why don’t you ever change the toilet paper roll?

What kind of silly question is this? Guys are different. I have a good few male friends who actually get so semantic that they debate which way the toilet paper should be hung. If we’re making grandiose stereotypes, allow me to continue with them: we do it because the ever-present debate of toilet paper hanging has yet to be remedied.

9. Why do you ask for our number if you have no intention of calling?

There’s an insane amount of stigma attached to calling a girl, which some guys balk at. Additionally, some guys (myself included, at times) do not understand the proper protocol for certain number-givings. Merely deciding to call is hard enough- if you were vague in any way (or made appearances of being reluctant to give the number), often a guy will read that as a subtle sign and merely not call. In other cases, if you gave the number in a casual situation (i.e. in the sense of a club or meeting or business sort of thing), many guys will not call because they think it falls into the “box” of the aforementioned group, and that it would be rude to call. Even if they do decide to call and want to call, there is something rather intimidating about calling out of the blue for a date- try cold calling a male friend sometime.

10. Seriously, do you not smell that?

There’s actually some validity to the idea that men smell differently than women- but hey, let’s presume that we both do in a similar way. Pending that everything else is equal, everyone (regardless of gender, age, etc) has a very hard time smelling their own body odors after a while, mainly because they acclimate to the smell. Because of that, you too probably smell in some respects, no matter how much cleanser and perfume you may be wearing.

I found this girl who is really awesome, but she has a lot of guy friends. I think she’s really cool until her guys come over and then it’s not really easy to talk to her. She always talks about other guys, and I can’t get an “in”. What do I do?

You’ve probably run into a type of girl who, for the lack of a better term, I will term the “Histrionic Type”.

Histrionic girls are girls that are generally heavily attention-seeking, friend-making, and seem to have a kind of hyper-attention to social status. Most people describe girls like this as “social” and “fun”, and they tend to get really high prestige in their “worlds”- some may be sorority presidents, others might be just group leaders. On one hand, this is a very good thing- being good at social situations allows them to be really amicable, fun, and wholly enjoyable in many senses, and you can really feed off their energy. However, there’s a caveat- romantically, girls like this are arguably the hardest to get.

My general recommendation here is to tread lightly- you probably don’t want to deal with this kind of situation. The immediate issue is evident: as most girls like this have a lot of guy friends (they sometimes have more guy friends than girl friends- there are many reasons, I often find it correlates with a lack of fatherly involvement, but whatever), and trying to compete with every single one of them (who probably want her just as much) is incredibly difficult.

Long story short, if you do want to go for her, find a way to make yourself different. It will be arduous, but I’m sure you can come up with something. Remember, you’re facing off against a lot of guys she probably has with her who want her just like you do- I’d be careful.

I’ve recently been getting a lot of e-mails regarding online dating- be it just for fun or seriously. The problem is, much like the real dating realm, it is often hard to sift through the copious amounts of fake profiles, duplicates, and generally dangerous girls to find the ones really worth dating. With that in mind, I often have been asked to help identify “problem girls”- as silly as that sounds- and I’ve decided to help as much as I can. In this article, I’m going to go through 8 of the most common stereotypical “problem” girls I have seen, both by people sending me things, and by personal experience offline, and I’m going to try to not only explain how to identify them, but why you need to avoid them- so you can actually find the girl of your dreams, not a 40 year old guy from Toronto trying to trick you into sending him money.

DISCLAIMER: Before we get into this, I know I’m going to get hate mail. I am not trying to be misogynistic here, nor am I trying to attack girls with histories of problems, mental disease, or anything of the sort. Nonetheless, it needs to be understood that there are often gross generalizations that can be made about the caliber of girls that, in my limited career, I have seen cause trouble. Don’t send me angry e-mails.

8. The Trap

“Hey looking for a guy who could help me like with my bills and stuff I am not a complicated girl not expensive just want help in little areas so if you think you fit the bill and want to be friends with benefit that is fine hit me up”

Common Signs: Model-quality photographs, exceptionally terse information, rampant Africa-style misspellings, etc.

The Details: This goes without saying. If it looks fake, it probably is fake. There are a lot of people who, particularly on free sites, hunt around to harass desperate men and women and/or advertise to them- be on the lookout. Remember, the person doesn’t have to be explicitly fake for quite some time- the ‘trap’ could involve a really dedicated homosexual guy trying to find straight guys or any variety of other problems. Hell, there are some entirely legitimate girls looking to pin you on rape charges. Be careful.

How to Handle: Obviously, avoid. For very good reasons.

7. The Insane

“I used to cut myself, but now I take medication, though when I take it, it makes me feel dull.”

Common Signs: Wildly strange interests, any mention of suicide (at all), rampant obsessive behavior, mentioning therapy, etc.

The Details: Insane girls collect online fairly quickly, and thanks to careful editing, they can often seem fairly normal, at least on a superficial level. Unfortunately, the quickest way to find out if a girl truly has mental issues is to actually talk to her more- so you’re always in trouble. Common signs generally include strange fetishes and interests (a sexual interest in knives, for example), clear indications of personal/professional restraint (never finishing highschool for unstated reasons, not being able to hold a job), and general “strangeness”- trust me, it’s easier to see online than you may think.

How to Handle: Handle carefully. If her problems are mere eccentricities, or something you can empathize with, you may be able to deal with it- but don’t become a social-worker-slash-boyfriend. If you even have the remotest idea that there might be a problem, just don’t even try. There are many instances (of both girls and “insane” guys) using suicide or other drastic methods to keep people in relationships.

6. The Druggie

“Doing [mushrooms] was an eye-opening experience, and I try to do it as much as possible. It makes me a smarter person.”

Common Signs: Open admission of Marijuana use, mentions of therapy, talking about going on a “new path” in life, dropping hints about no longer being a “heavy partier”.

The Details: Druggies are hard to deal with. There’s nothing wrong with someone who is clean- however, as sad as it may be, very few actually become 100% clean, and many still retain vestiges of past abuse. You may even get the (dubious) honor of meeting a girl who is a current druggie- I’ve personally gone out on a date with a girl who began talking about her “absolute adoration of ’shrooms and harder drugs”. From my (admittedly limited) experience with girls of this caliber, they often fall into one of two categories- obsessive personality types (that is, those who easily fall into addiction with something or other) and those who, for various (bad) social reasons, fall into drugs. Either way, there are a lot of problems going on, and clearly, most of them could land someone in jail.

How to Handle: Stay away from these types. You could easily get dragged into the habit, or otherwise implicated- even legally. Let these girls crash and burn on their own time.

5. The Dominatrix

“LOSER MEN DO NOT CONTACT ME. I know I’m good looking. If you think I’d think you are interesting, just try me.”

Common Signs: Excessively harsh commentary, demanding requests, blatant misandry, etc.

The Details: I like to use the term “Dominatrix”, at least in a colloquial sense, to describe women who are so demanding (or so angry after being browbeaten by bad boyfriends) that they become excessively demanding and problematic, often to the point of being annoying and skeptical. For some odd reason, this seems to be blown far out of proportion online, where girls often will presume (needlessly) that all of the men on the site are desperate, and somehow they are a desperately desired commodity to be essentially begged for.

How to Handle: I personally avoid them, but you could possibly tame them. For the most part, girls like this become this way as a defense mechanism, presuming men will exploit them. If you are legitimate enough, you may succeed. Still, most are not worth the time nor the effort.

4. The Lowered Standards

“I’m looking for a long-term relationship. I’m a wonderful person. Please date me! I’m awesome! I really am! I haven’t gone on a date in years and I really want to! I’ll give you sex!”

Common Signs: Desperation dripping from every paragraph.

The Details: Girls like this are arguably the most common on dating sites, and oft the most overlooked. Those with extremely lowered standards are those that- for legitimate or merely psychological reasons- feel that they do not make the “cut” for a normal man, and begin to search for some sort of surrogate alternative. Many morbidly obese women, as you may guess, fall into this category.

How to Handle: Be careful. Girls like this oftentimes decide, independent of your actual worth, to simply take whatever comes their way. Do not get wrapped up in what you perceive to be a good relationship.

3. The Slut

“Who wants 2 hook up 2nite?”

Common Signs: Nude photos, nearly nude photos, sexual innuendo, any kind of references to sex.

The Details: The name says it all. Sluts are the kinds of girls who are essentially wallowing in their own libido, often to the point of being sexually involved with any man that seems “hot”. As you can probably imagine, this oftentimes results in the spread of STDs and other nastiness you don’t want to be involved in. Even outside of the potential for diseases, girls of this caliber often have major (Daddy) issues, which spawn a lot of their promiscuity.

How to Handle: Despite how attractive/available she may be, avoid these girls like the plague, mainly because they could very well be carrying the plague.

2. The “Broken”

“I had an abortion in the past with my ex-boyfriend I used to live with back when we were engaged and about to go to grad school”

Common Signs: Desperation, excessive secrecy, questionable circumstances, obvious perceptions of themselves as “broken”.

The Details: Girls who perceive themselves to be “broken” are very dangerous to be dating. On one hand, much like “The Lowered Standards”, they grasp for anything available to them, perceiving internal failure- be it some sort of physical defect, mental defect, emotional problem, you name it. The problem with this is often not the problem itself, but rather the methodology: the girls quickly develop complexes, and use it to foster incredibly unhealthy relationships based on desperation. The nature of their “brokenness” varies from girl to girl, but it oftentimes has a lot to do with prior dating- be it a prior pregnancy, some STD, a rape, or the like.

How to Handle: Be incredibly careful. If she seems too good to be true, she probably is. Everyone has secrets, but hers may not be something you want to handle. These girls can be amazing, so don’t write them off, but understand that their reasons for dating may be less than normal.

1. The Ticking Timebomb

“I really love kids! I’m a teacher and I adore babies! I really want to be a mommy someday. I really want to be a stay-at-home mom and have my husband work. I love babysitting!”

Common Signs: Any mention of liking children obsessively, mentions of babies, adoration of being a “wife” in the future, etc.

The Details: These girls are ticking timebombs in every sense of the word. Typically at a certain age (as early as 18, which is scary), girls suddenly get “the urge”- that is, they want a kid, and they want it now. Quite a bit of this is hormonal, other parts of it sociocultural, but all of it is dangerous. Girls like this typically let this obsession fester into a number of unhealthy activities, which generally manifest themselves online in the way of rampant manhunting. Girls like this are prone to being oddly openly sexual, laser-focused on marriage, and incessantly focused on family-related topics- even things like introducing you to her parents.

How to Handle: Run away.