I don’t seem like her typeWritten by Kirk, Sunday, January 31st, 2010 in Q&As
I just recently started dating this girl, but it seems kinda odd: I’m a really stable and normal guy with a house, but her past boyfriends have all been loser druggies who she clubbed with. Is this a trap?
On one hand, some girls learn, much as guys do. A lot of girls- and I truly mean a lot- begin their dating careers going after the “bad boys” or those who seem vaguely interesting, essentially dating whatever seems fun at the time. This begins generally in high school, and for many girls, it ends in high school as well- they learn what to avoid and move on. Of course, guys exhibit similar behavior- it’s a kind of growing-up trend everyone goes through.
The problem are what I will really somewhat cruelly call the “fixer-uppers”- that is, something of a mixture of the online “The Lowered Standards” and “The ‘Broken’”. These girls try to have their cake and eat it too- while they are young and have energy, they date the guys who they find interesting but would never marry- the proverbial rock stars and starving artists. However, at a certain point (most people like to say 30, but I like to argue it happens as early as 22-23, once a girl is out of college and on her own), these girls suddenly realize that they want stability and everything those other guys weren’t- so they find the nearest “safe bet” and attach to him quickly. Put another way, the girl becomes intensely aware that she has a biological clock, and she begins making sacrifices of what she wants for future security.
Naturally, everyone has a dating history, and some of them are bad- but as you can probably imagine, I tend to not like these girls very much, and I advise many friends to avoid them. Girls of this caliber can be very dangerous- trying to force marriage through pregnancy and having STDs (both I have seen occur as a third party). In addition, I just have something against them from an ethical standpoint- I think it’s really cruel that many women go after nice guys after they have their “fun” in youth, essentially expecting that they are absolved from everything they do until they arbitrarily decide that it’s time to get “serious” and suddenly everything suddenly becomes important. If her reason for dating you is more like a battle plan (“you have a future”) than an emotional reason (“I like you”), stay the hell away. If she seems to be acting way out of character (such as withholding even basic affection from you), be cautious. If she ever gives you the “you can’t judge me” speech (which is the whole “You can’t judge me, I learn from my experiences, the fact that I have [Insert: 3 kids, Herpes, a history of living with 30 past boyfriends, etc] doesn’t matter, everyone makes mistakes, I’m a unique person, you’re lucky to have me…” spiel) then you likely know that you probably want to stay away.
Now that I’ve probably scared your pants off, allow me to go ahead and say that the fact that girls like this exist does not necessarily mean that your girlfriend is one of them. Be open with her about it and ask her why she made such a big change. Some girls legitimately make mistakes. Still, don’t be a sheep.