Wellcultured - Well Cultured is a men’s online magazine with advice and reviews on fashion, dating, finances, health, music, movies and many other topics, as well as a robust message board and the Well Cultured Guide, a freely editable community wiki.

I have covered online dating profile creation before for a very big reason: many guys now utilize such services for dating. It’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about- a surprising percentage of adults now use online dating services of various import to find love, and it’s shaping up to be the new face of dating in a big way. Because of this, crafting an attractive profile is paramount- so here are 6 ways to fundamentally improve your profile and, implicitly, your chances of getting a date in the future.

1 – Have good pictures, improve them whenever possible

I cannot stress this topic enough: have good pictures and make damn sure they are recent, interesting, and flattering. At least one of these pictures should be a good facial shot, and at least one of these shots should be a not-too-blatant shot of your body. Both of these are absolutely essential.

Under no circumstances should you ever post “myspace shots” (odd angles, mirror shots in the bathroom, etc), pictures of yourself that are edited in photoshop, or group shots that make your identity difficult to ascertain or imposing. Never take photos wearing sunglasses, hats, or other items that may indicate creepiness or being in a state of balding. Do not try to show of “the guns”, that’s stupid. The best photos are ones that are flattering and attractive without being staged, usually taken in interesting places or scenarios (meaning you are an interesting person), and ones that, while not blatant about it, show yourself in enough contexts to show your general looks, including your body shape. Feel free to throw in any conversation starting photos, pending they are legitimate conversation starters: pictures of yourself in your mother’s basement in a kimono carrying a katana you purchased online is not a conversation starter as much as it is very excellent woman repellent.

This should not need mentioning, but I will do so anyway: no nude photos or “sexy photos” or anything even possibly related to those categories. For one thing, you will not do them right. For another thing, they are usually not attractive to women for a bevy of reasons. Do not bother.

2 – Detail is nice, but mystery is also important

Yes, you absolutely must put information on your profile: generally, the more, the better. However, there is a limit to the amount of information you can put on- and at a certain point, you seem excessively wordy and really really boring.

The best example most people are guilty of is posting excessively long lists of favorite movies, music, or books. While these are, much like pictures, phenomenal conversation starters, these also don’t represent you very well, and should be kept relatively terse in terms of other information about you. In a very similar vein, do not post long blocks of information about your past relationship history, your work history, your scholastic achievements, or the like. Frankly, no-one wants to read that, and such information is best divulged gradually through conversation, not explosively through huge swaths of text online. Feel free to go into detail about yourself from a wide angle: just don’t go too deep.

3 – Avoid negativity

Under no circumstances should you ever be negative in your profile- that includes any sort of deriding comment, bitchy rant, or even a long list of requirements you have for women.

The reason for this is fairly obvious: negativity breeds negativity, and you want the reader of your profile to come off with a good taste, not a bad one. There is absolutely no reason you should complain on a stupid short dating website profile. If you want to learn the effect of this negativity, go find a girl’s profile with a lot of complaining on it- undoubtedly, you’ll find her stuck-up, slightly unsavory, and possibly even outright bitchy. If you have issues with the wrong kind of women (or men) sending messages to you, deal with them quietly and without much fanfare.

Do not lie and fill the profile with excuses as to why you are on a dating site. No-one believes your friend dared you to go on the website. No-one believes you came on the site as a joke or on a lark. Few will believe you if you say you came on to see who you got matched up with for “laughs”. Be outright and cop to your interest in dating: no-one is being fooled.

Furthermore, avoid posting stuff that most would find aversive. As I implied above, no creepy Japanophile crap. Do not run your mouth about your creepy fetishes, interests, or obsessions. Do not mention mental disorders. Mention diseases only if necessary (always mention things like AIDS, herpes, and the like- pretending they are not there does not make them disappear). Do not imply any sort of Oedipal connection to your mother, or otherwise confess any sort of strange obsession or situational issue. Indeed, you should mention if you still live with your parents and do not have a job or otherwise have colloquially “failed to launch”- just keep the information terse, do not try to weave a sorrowful tale of your own ineptitude.

Also, a quick addendum: under no circumstances should you ever say a phrase along the lines of “I just got out of a bad relationship” or “Looking for a real woman” or “I want something real“. These are all subversive ways of indicating a bad relationship history, which is not only negative, but incredibly off-putting. No-one wants to be a rebound or a “repair girl”.

4 – Avoid stating the pointless/obvious/common

As mentioned above, everyone on dating sites likes to excessively list favorite music, movies, and similar “favorites”. Further, dating websites tropes exist- little phrases and concepts that seemingly everyone says that, after being repeated so ridiculously often, mean utterly nothing in the big picture. Discard them.

You only need to look at other profiles to see what I’m talking about: get rid of phrases like “fun-loving”, topics like how you’re “just a romantic”, boring repetitive crap like “I’m just a laid back person”, and anything else that you see on other profiles. Don’t insert inane inside jokes, pointless “shout outs” to friends, or other things that will be nothing more than stumbling blocks to the streamlined presentation of you. Trust me, if you don’t delete such useless text, other people will mentally delete it for you.

5 – Don’t be hyper-exclusive

Avoid making excessive lists of demands about your potential date. This is not only negative (see above) but also just really really prohibitive to finding interesting people.

It’s not uncommon to see many profiles laden with what are veritable laundry lists of demands, ranging from “must like [sports team]” to “must be a good cook”. These requirements are basically trash: they are ridiculous requirements that really are not necessary in the search of finding a good mate. Get rid of them. No-one finds it clever that you require liking a band to dating you: rather, it looks arrogant and pigheaded, like a child who refuses to play with other children unless they have the same toys. Open up the “range” of possible dates in virtually every sense- ethnicity, age, locale (within reason), political affiliation, and the like. You’ll be surprised the bevy of amazing people you will find.

6 – Be active and aggressive

This is the defining line between the people who end up making dating sites work for them and others who complain about them not working. Aggressiveness is everything.

Do not be, in the terms of the Japanese, a herbivorous man. Sitting around on a dating site expecting women to come to you is a losing battle: the dating world is still very much a hunter-prey system, with men firmly cemented into the role of the hunter. Because of this, you- yes, you- are expected to initiate contact, continue discussions, and pursue dates. When you want a dating site to work for you, if you pay for it or not, you need to be willing to get on often, message people often, change your profile and pictures often (even if entirely arbitrarily), and  generally consider the entire affair an active process, not a passive one. You are not paying a matchmaker; it is entirely up to you to find your mate- a dating site is merely an advanced tool.

So basically, get your butt out there and work at it. It’s that simple.

Although the popular show, “Sex and the City” ended with all four main characters living happily ever after, they had many encounters on a bumpy dating road to get there. This road is one taken by many single men and women today. After suffering through numerous bad blind dates, and since Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, a/k/a Armageddon for not having a significant other, I decided to give you single guys out there a quick refresher course on some pointers for a successful first blind date. (I’m not picking on the male species; many of the tips can be equal opportunity suggestions).
The following are a few less-than-enthralling scenarios my friends and I have experienced in the past:

Mr. Snoozzzzz – I met Mr. Snoozzzzz one evening at a local restaurant chain. When I walked into the lobby, I was greeted with a lukewarm hello.

Tip #1:

Show some enthusiasm when you first meet your date. Even if you take one look at each other and know you won’t be walking down the aisle, at least be cordial. Receiving a mediocre salutation sets the tone for a bad time.

Tip #2:

Do not bore your date by talking endlessly about yourself. Come up for air sometimes and let her move her lips in the conversation. Mr. Snoozzzzz spent the first hour (I timed him) telling me everything I never wanted to know about his hobby of stamp collecting. Then, mercifully, he switched gears and started to talk about his job, so I thought I was out of the woods. Wrong. This took up the next 60 minutes of our date. Apparently he felt everyone shared his passion for buying and selling stocks. I heard all about puts, calls, and endless market minutia. It’s great to be psyched about your career, but what’s fascinating to one person doesn’t necessarily translate well on an ad nauseam level for your date. He also proceeded to tell me how invaluable he was to his company. Inside my head I was silently screaming, “This ISN’T a job interview!” Finally, to my astonishment, he actually asked me a question about me, but by that time, my eyes were glazed over from being comatose. Needless to say, even though he asked me out on a second date, there was no love connection on my part.
Note to self: Go to a novelty store and buy a pair of those toy glasses with the eyes painted on them so you can zone out and yet still look amazingly attentive.

Mr. T – When I saw the picture of this date on the Internet, he had a full head of hair. When we met in person, I literally did a double take because the sides of his head were extremely close-shaven and he had what I would call a golf divot of hair down the middle top of his head. It wasn’t quite a Mohawk similar to Brangelina’s son, Maddox; it appeared more like something Tiger Woods would use to putt. He also sprouted a small, square moustache, so he looked kind of like a cross between Mr. T and Hitler.  All that was missing was the swastika and plethora of gold chains. I didn’t know if I should salute him with my left arm or say, “I pity da fool who has to go out with you!”

Tip #3

If you’re showing a photo of yourself as a potential prospect, use a relatively recent picture that looks similar to your current features.
Mr. T was perplexing. When he wasn’t watching the multiple TVs in the sports bar where we met, he was staring at my chest. When he did gaze into my eyes, a vise-like handgrip accompanied the ogling.

Tip #4

Don’t assume your date thinks you’re Brad Pitt and wants you to clutch a body part unless she gives you obvious signals that it’s ok to do that. I had given off no such signals. Mr. T was the polar opposite of Mr. Snoozzzzz. I had to pull teeth to get him to converse. I made sure that date ended relatively quickly at a mere 45 minutes. He, too, asked for a second date, but I know when to cut my losses.

The “Seinfeld” Connection – If I’m set up on a date, I usually ask if the person bears any kind of remote resemblance to a celebrity just so I can get a mental picture in my mind. Unfortunately, my friend, Katie, was not quite the devotee of “Seinfeld” as I am, so she couldn’t let me know ahead of time that her co-worker’s friend looked just like one of the part-time characters on the show. To quote a famous Jerry Seinfeld utterance, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”, had I been warned that he was void of an actual personality. He made the
Wall St. guy seem like a gift from heaven. Plus, when we entered and left the restaurant, he just barged ahead of me in and out the door and did not show any inkling of courtesy. So much for dazzling me with charm and grace.

Tip #5

A tiny amount of manners goes a long way. Hold a door open for your date and let them go through first. Chivalry is still alive and well.
The “Seinfeld” Connection was also 41 years old and up until recently had lived in the basement of his parents’ house. Although it was an extremely nice home, this is still a big red flag. Someone that age should not still be hangin’ with Mom and Dad unless there is a medical reason where they need constant care. Try to get some background information on his living situation before your date. Politely ask the question, “When you look out your bedroom window, do you have to stand on tippy-toes?”

Tip #6

Get a copy of “Failure to Launch”.

Indiana Jones’ Brother – Katie met another blind date through a friend of a friend of a friend. Little did she know that the six degrees of separation kept getting lower on the food chain. She was only told he had the standard “nice personality” and looked like he could be somewhat related to Harrison Ford. She thought, “Hmm…so far so good”. She’s open-minded, but when he walked into the restaurant lobby where they were meeting, she wasn’t exactly prepared to see that, with no exaggeration, he must have weighed close to 400 pounds, reeked of cologne, and obviously did not follow the fashion advice found on WellCultured.com. She couldn’t swear to it, but the fragrance was strangely reminiscent of the Hai Karate an old friend used to wear back in the ‘70’s. Naw. He couldn’t still have a case of that stashed away for “special occasions”, could he? Katie is a very positive person; she’s always considerate and never wants to hurt anyone’s feelings, but during their conversation when he proceeded to tell her in great detail about his legend-in-his-own-mind fabulous physical escapades with his last girlfriend, the TMI (Too Much Information) bell began clanging with a vengeance. On top of that, he asked if she’d mind if he smoked. She told him she preferred that he wouldn’t, so he reached for his cigarettes and lighter and said he’d direct the smoke away from her. Blowing cigarette fumes toward the left side of her face instead of directly at her face was his idea of being considerate I guess.

Tip #7

I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we’re not all Gisele Bundchen or Tyson Beckford clones, but if you fall into a more out-of-the-ordinary category due to a medical condition or for whatever reason, you should inform your date ahead of time. If that’s a feature you don’t think would work for you, politely decline the date. One guy didn’t want to go out with my friend because she was taller than he was. Another preferred dating redheads exclusively. I once worked with a guy who absolutely adored Rubenesque beauties.  Everybody has their own personal preferences of what they look for in a mate. Be respectful, but be honest up front.

Tip #8

Women do not want to learn about the excruciatingly painful fine points of past physical encounters of your relationships on a first date! Also, pouring on cologne like Niagara Falls is not a way to win someone’s affection. Women prefer not to know that you’re coming a mile before you get there. Lastly, if you choose to smoke like a chimney, ask your date ahead of time what her feelings are about your habit and adhere to her wishes. Everyone has the right to smoke if they want, but not when it infringes on other people.

Mr. Squeeze Those Nickels – I once met a guy who worked for both a well-known TV sports channel and a Major League Baseball team. He could carry on a pleasant enough conversation, but he failed what I call “The Gentleman Test”. When I go out on a simple first date, I usually order a drink and an appetizer. Now one would think Mr. S.T.N. would have a decent income working for the companies that he did.  When the bill came, however, he flatly informed me, “Here, you figure out what you owe”. This is my #1 Pet Peeve. Please show some class and at least offer to pick up the tab for a woman. Unless you are in between jobs or live in a car with all your worldly possessions, there is no reason you can’t make a great impression on us females by saying those welcomed words, “I’ve got this” (unless your date drinks like a fish and runs up a $100 bar bill). Some women prefer to go Dutch treat and that’s fine, but make the effort to perform this nice gesture. You will be blessed with many good “Guy Points”. Little things mean a lot. It’s not like most women order Dom Perignon and filet mignon. I took a survey at work and asked 15 of our male employees their thoughts on this issue. They unanimously agreed that if the guy was worth his salt, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Thus:

Tip #9

Cheapness can propel a woman toward the nearest exit. Try to let the little moths in your wallet breathe some invigorating fresh air.

Mr. What’s That Funny Smell? – I met a seemingly nice guy through work but didn’t know much about him. It’s not like I could’ve handed him a checklist of his recreational habits before he asked me out, but it wouldn’t have been too bad of an idea.  He took me to a great restaurant and things seemed to be going well except that he left the table numerous times to use the nearby restroom. Even though he seemed fine, I thought it was a bit unusual but figured maybe he was having stomach problems, although he kept laughing an inordinate amount of times. This should have been my main clue. On what probably was trip #7, he opened the door quickly and the sweet aroma of something they didn’t offer legally on the menu wafted through the air. All of a sudden, the manager came up to the table next to us and asked the couple to leave. I didn’t know what happened until I realized that he must have thought they were doing what President Clinton denied inhaling. I felt so bad for the poor, innocent guests when it was actually my date who was causing the problem. I recalled the scene from the movie, “The Fly” with Jeff Goldblum when he knows he’s morphing into the fly. He looks pitifully at Gena Davis and squeaks out, “Kill me! Just kill me now!” This has become my mantra on all of my bad blind dates, but it started with this episode.

Tip #10

Don’t bring illegal extracurricular activities with you on a date in a public place.

Mr. Entertainer – One of my all-time favorite bad blind date stories happened to my friend, Jackie. She went out with a guy who seemed a bit odd, but he was good looking and had money in stratospheric proportions, so she wrote it off in her mind as being “a rich eccentric”. The evening was progressing well enough, but she had nagging doubts about him. Against her better judgment, she drove back to his home for coffee and dessert. She was seated in his living room when he disappeared and came back with a small black case. He gave his best Al Pacino impression and said, “Say hello to my little friend!” She remembered the quote from the familiar gruesome scene from “Scarface”. While fleeting thoughts of being gunned down in her prime cascaded through her head, he suddenly whipped out a ventriloquist’s dummy and proceeded to have the dummy make graphic suggestions about his plans for the three of them. She hastily bid goodbye to Charlie McCarthy Jr. and was out the door.

Bonus Tip – Meet at a public place and drive separately. You never know when you’ll need to make a quick getaway. Also, be aware of the old adage, “Looks aren’t everything” and follow your instincts. They’re never usually wrong.

In summary, to help ensure celebrating special occasions like Valentine’s Day together as a couple, just keep in mind these few simple tips, and blind dates will not have to be an experience worse than enduring a root canal. Hang in there – Hallmark, American Greetings, florists, and chocolate shops across America have faith you’ll be successful!

I think I’ve made it abundantly clear that I hate “get-laid guides”- you know, the books that are all about how to, to directly quote a title, “Get Chicks, Keep Em, Dump Em, & Get Em Back Again”. While I have nothing wrong with dating guides that promote healthy relationships, this is rarely the case with the most popular of guides- most of which are absolutely full of talk about tricking women into sex. As I’ve written before, hit-it-and-quit-it guides like The Mystery Method are absolute trash, but that’s only a small portion of the entire corpus of horrible dating manuals on the market- and I think I should at least give you an idea of what they are like, or better yet, convince you not to buy them for the incredible prices you can get them online.

So, for your learning (and evidently because I’m a masochist), I decided to read through 5 different get-laid guides and give you my opinion, or at least prove how catty I can be to other sex and dating writers.

How to Get Chicks, Keep Em, Dump Em, & Get Em Back Again

by Sanders M. Troy

The Claim: Sanders Troy (who is proud to suffix his title with MBA for some pointless reason) attempts to, in roughly 40 pages, explain how to pick up women in the standard format- giving short little quips (like “Chase the Antelope, settle for the Rabbit”) and bragging about his own abilities to con you into believing what he’s telling you.

The Truth: David DeAngelo looks like a Women’s and Gender Studies professor compared to the misogyny going on in this book. Sanders M. Troy is essentially one big overgrown frat boy, essentially talking about sleazy ways to pick up drunk women and get laid with them. Of course, the book features such absolutely intelligent phrases as “chicks dig candles” and how to strategically place condoms along the underside of your mattress.

Probably the most hilarious moments of this book come when Troy begins to, in great detail, explain certain “tricks” to get women straight into bed, namely the “Tour of the Apartment/Bed Tackle” move, which involves showing a girl around your apartment then pushing her on the bed. You know, because that’s the gentlemanly way.

Moments of Rage:

[Talking about sex toys]: if you plan ahead carefully you can use the same equipment with different women without looking like a player. What you do is carefully open the packaging (razor blade is best) by putting a thin slit in back and across. That way you can put them back in the packaging and show your next girl like you just went out and bought them for her.

–

Go to different parts of town. Never take women to the same place as your other bitches.

–

Always pick a pet name for a chick like Sweetie, or Sweet Tits, or Jelly Roll. If you use their first name then eventually you will slip and call them by the wrong name.

–

Wear whatever is hip. I prefer to shop at trendy stores like GAP or Abercrombie & Fitch

Ride the Punani!! TranceBoy’s Guide to getting laid

By TranceBoy

The Claim: An incredibly long (350+ pages) online guide by some guy named TraceBoy who tried to explain dating with an incredible corpus of information gathered mainly from various blogs- mainly ridiculous Ross Jefferies bullshit. Including “Negs” or “Negging”, which is to basically insult a woman to make her like you.

The Truth: Using Ross Jefferies as a reference for a dating guide is like asking people at your local mental ward for financial advice.

Quite honestly, I can’t really give much of an idea of what this guide is about- it’s an incredible amount of information that seems really really ridiculous. Lots of bullet lists, lots of rambling, lots of attempts to make the reader feel confident.

Moments of Rage:

The entire damn thing. I cannot find a single quote that embodies the entire part, but just imagine a 20-part guide on a single pickup technique and you get the idea.

The Complete Guide To Handling Women (and The Complete Guide to Attracting Women)

By Wayne Ross

The Claim: A thirtysomething divorcee tries to explain how to “handle” women. It mainly revolves around the “D” technique, which is the idea of keeping her “dangling”- that is, to play her hot and cold and presumably try to make her like you. Also, “Negging”.

The Truth: A very empty e-book series that does nothing but pretend to give advice. Often sets up straw men to blame for stupid mistakes and then brings up idiotic ideas on how to get women to come to you. Basically, void of any real advice with intermittent praise from anonymous men who talk about how wonderful the author is.

Probably the best way to explain this book “series” is to basically say that Ross coddles the reader into this belief that he is satisfactory for any woman, and that secretly the ugly men can screw the “hotties” for some arbitrary reason the reader did not recognize before. This actually works in a temporary sense (boosting the reader’s confidence doubtless increases his chances of getting laid regardless of the actual book contents), but fundamentally the series is void of any real advice other than “yeah man you can get chicks”, along with quotes from other guys affirming the same conclusion.

Moments of Rage:

Many times it’s a lot easier to pick up very pretty women rather than plain looking ones. Why? Because a lot of plain looking women want handsome men. It makes then look better to others, especially their friends. But most women, especially pretty ones, attach much more importance to what’s inside a man than what is outside. Personality, sensitivity, and a sense of humor are real turn−on for most women. In fact a number of very beautiful women do no want handsome men.

–

You can meet many girls on the beach by being funny and very humorous and nice. Once I met a nice looking girl by doing this: I went right next to a pretty girl at the beach and laid my towel down about two feet from hers. In a few minutes I looked over at her and said, “Would you please move down? I need some room.” She looked at me kind of funny and didn’t move a muscle.

Secrets of Seduction (and all related books)

by Ross Jefferies

The Claim: A long set of rules and guides for “Speed Seduction”- i.e. how to get girls fast. Jefferies obsesses over pop psychology ideas, mainly about how to get ideas in women’s heads (including using hypnosis). Mainly full of my most hated dating idea, the get-laid-algorithm- including end-of-chapter tests. I am not kidding. Also, more “negging” bull.

The Truth: Ross Jefferies comes up with crap guides that make graduate level physics classes look easy. The length of his work is irrelevant- fundamentally, it’s crap.

Written like a really bad real estate scam, Ross Jefferies comes up with some absolutely ridiculous (and I’ll say it again, misogynistic) ideas that really should not even be read lest you fry your mind. Most of his stuff is mixtures of pop psychology, “seduction” crap, vague attempts to understand culture (in a “I failed at getting an anthropology degree” sort of way), and sex advice. Occasionally, you may stumble across something interesting and possibly true, like telling men to attempt to determine why they may avoid long term relationships, but with every good bit of advice comes five destructive ones.

Moments of Rage:

Now, remember, when you set out to influence, control, and direct a woman’s thinking, you don’t want to make it seem like that’s what you are doing, or else S-N-A-P goes that fishing line.

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Throughout this book, I will be laying down certain ideas that you would do well to memorize and use. I suggest you get some 3 x 5 index cards to write these ideas down so you can go over them as you need to.

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THE PURPOSE OF YOUR COMMUNICATION IS NOT TO GIVE HER AN UNDERSTANDING. THE PURPOSE OF YOUR COMMUNICATION IS TO GET YOU RESULTS!!!

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Here in L.A., 99.999% of the better looking waitresses are aspiring actresses, waiting for that big break. Some of these women are so gorgeous they would make you drool in your pants, and they are ripe for someone who they think can help them along in their career. [...] The key to this method is not to make it seem like you are blackmailing her. Tell her you would be happy to submit her picture and resume to the right person. After you have agreed to that, THEN ask her out. The threat of you not doing it if she doesn’t accept hasn’t been made, and nice guy that you are, you wouldn’t even think of implying it. But she might be afraid of losing your good will, and so will accept. Try to get her to go out with you on the spot.

Advanced Macking, Chick Management MBA, Easy Horny Women, Sex Tips, and Improve your Looks by 30 Notches

by Anthony Berger

The Claim: A more streamlined guide to the same old crap. Features cartoons, which makes it an easier read, but fundamentally boils down to the same old stuff: be confident, follow my guide, use these pickup lines, see these charts, I’m a player.

The Truth: Just as full of bullcrap as anyone else, just more illustrated bullcrap. Features ridiculous pick-up lines and “tricks”, advises to go after “easy” girls, and references ways to pick up women with your “homies”.

Fundamentally, Berger is not endorsing anything we haven’t heard before- stupid pickup tricks, “peacocking”, faking being an alpha male, that sort of thing. It’s all about the “player mentality”. While it seems appealing in one sense, realizing that these kind of low-end tricks only work in sleezy bars with alcohol and low lights reminds one that even without this guide even the ugliest guy can get laid if the girl’s BAC is high enough.

Moments of Rage:

Never sweat a hoe. [He later translates this to "Don't over-care for any woman"]

–

The boob touch technique works like this: You are both standing in a club or bar, you have already approached her, sparked a conversation, and while talking (whispering) to her, you hold your drink with both hands in front of your chest and stand very close to her. This is a standard “I’m just socializing” position. By having your gin and tonic (or what have you) right in front of your chest, you try to ever so slightly touch her boobs (not the nipples just yet) while you are whispering to her.

–

“When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.”

So many relationships are made and broken based on the communication that exists between a man and a woman.  There is one small detail that guys seem to overlook and this is the thing that makes men and women who they are.  We are very different types of beings that operate and think on two completely different wavelenths.  Men have this inate feeling that he is a critical thinker and a problem solver.  Give a man a task and he will do whatever it takes to complete the task all by himself.   Contrary to how men operate, women want to approach situations all at once.  A woman will take everything that is currently happening in her life and she will basically list it all according to priorities.  This is why guys prefer to work alone while women will actively seek to employ anyone who is willing to help.

Readers of this site will undoubtedly, if they haven’t already, go through one of many scenarios with women where they will appear to be illogical and their thoughts inconsequential.  One such scenario in a relationship is the classic I want to talk / I want to relax situation.  When a man has a hard day of work or classes, his first desire is to relax in a way that he can focus his brain 95% on the relaxation and 5% on whatever else is happening around him.  The woman on the other hand has a completely different method for dealing with stress.  The woman is more inclined to talking about what is stressing her which seems like a fantastic attempt at making herself more overwhelmed than she already is.

When the man and the woman enter into this potentially hostile territory, the man will instinctively react in two ways.  First, the man will be frustrated by the woman’s advances.  When a man is stressed, he wants to lose himself in whatever activity gives him pleasure.  Any outside interference that persists, will trigger a defense mechanism that makes him snap at the woman.  Second, if the man initiates conversation with the woman, he will offer advice to her when she starts listing off her problems.  The problem with this approach is that the man simply does not “get it.”  A woman does not talk to her girlfriends to get advice, she simply talks just to talk.

This fundamental difference between how men and women communicate can cause tension and feelings of resentment.  When a man is in a relationship, it’s in his best interest to listen to what the woman has to say.  It’s a simple concept but men and women tend to forget that they are different.  This can also apply to men that are “on the market.”  Despite what this site says about the “Friend Zone” often it is best to be friends with a girl before you initiate the relationship.  The “Friend Zone” while true in some aspects, it is really a horrible guide line for who women see as potential mates.  Don’t even get me started on the Ladder Theory, it has the same horrible ignorance as Mein Kampf and paints an equally terrible picture of who women really are.  If you really want to validate yourself to a girl, it’s not how good you are in bed, but how good you listen to what she has to say.