10 Signs you are dating the wrong GirlWritten by Kirk, Sunday, April 5th, 2009 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating
It’s oftentimes hard for guys in a relationship to determine if they are in a bad relationship. As silly as that sounds, it’s a common occurance for a guy to think everything in the relationship is going perfectly only to wake up one morning and realize how much he absolutely loathes everything about his girlfriend. That being said, here are 10 different signs, along with some common examples, that will help you not wake up to such a traumatic morning.
The Warning Signs
10: The single life suddenly seems enviable.
When you begin to envy your single friends and how they seem “free”, then you have an issue. Every guy has times he wishes he was free- for example, when a beautiful girl passes you by in the mall or something- but this applies to the deep down desire to be “free” that many guys feel after being in a relationship they secretly hate.
- Envying your single friends on a regular basis- i.e. just envying them for the sake of their freedom to do anything they like
- Feeling restricted or constrained in non-romantic things, even when your girlfriend is not around
- Lying to friends about your dating situation- such as pretending to be single
9: You can’t see yourself with her 10 years down the road.
A good relationship is the type where you are 100% involved and into it- and if you can’t see yourself with someone down the road, oftentimes (but not always!), you are in a bad relationship. Never date out of obligation or the feeling that something better will come along- rather, date because you feel like the person you are dating is worth devoting a part of your life to. Sure, no-one expects you to use this rule for a girl you met yesterday, but for relationships that last longer than a year, you need to seriously begin to think about your relationship’s long-term potential- mainly, if it exists or not.
- You mentally plan finding another (better) girl down the road
- You intentionally devise ways or reasons for you to back out of the relationship in case you find said better girl
- You often lie to friends and/or family about your intentions with her (such as saying you have plans)
- The girl you date pressures you into making relationship landmarks (such as proposing!)
8: You ideologically clash.
Some people work best when they don’t agree on everything- after all, you should date an individual person, not an absolute clone of yourself. Still, there are sometimes when ideologies clash and you simply don’t work out. If you are a staunch Democrat, you won’t do well dating the personification of Ann Coulter, and you should know that- and the opposite obviously applies as well. Even on a religious basis, clash can occur- be careful to not bend your own beliefs in an attempt to retro-fit a girl into your life.
- You secretly think most/all of her political/religious opinions are stupid
- You often hold back from giving your honest opinion because you know she will be irritated/angry
- She makes a conscious effort to try to “convert” you to her side- when you don’t plan to budge- and it causes relationship issues
7: Your friends/parents don’t like her.
Believe it or not, your parents and friends often know a lot more about someone who would work for you better than you do. If your parents and friends are giving you a big “NO” and/or “STOP” in terms of a girl, they have a reason- and oftentimes, especially in regards to friends, it’s a good reason. It takes a third party to see some issues before they happen- so honestly take the advice you can get!
- You are only invited to functions if your girlfriend is not coming
- Your friends and/or parents have mentioned something to you before
6: Talking becomes a chore.
This is a big one, and even I’ve had this happen before. When, in discussion, you feel like you have to “force a discussion” or even just struggle to keep a conversation going, there is a problem. Naturally, no-one expects you to talk to a girl nonstop, and some relationships work well without day-long discussions- but if the discussions you have are horribly forced and contrived, you have an issue.
- You have to forcibly start or maintain conversations- especially if you know she’s not enjoying them
- You feel obligated or forced to talk (especially if you’ve gotten the “we don’t talk much” lecture)
- She complains about your conversations, or otherwise indicates she’s dissatisfied with your responses (on a regular basis)
5: You don’t keep in contact often.
Just like #6, if keeping in contact or knowing what your girlfriend is up to is a chore, you have a problem. Of course, no-one expects you to keep up with her 24/7 (trust me, this is actually bad)- but if you’re going long swaths of time without contacting each other, even by e-mail or by phone, you have a massive, massive issue.
- Without good reason, you have not talked, called, e-mailed, or otherwise “touched base” in a week.
- You can tell you’re being ignored- for example, seeing her online chatting with friends when she “mysteriously” never responds to you.
- You have to find out things about her everyday life via her friends.
4: You have to force romance.
This all goes along with the top two, but it means much more. If you feel like the relationship is all about you pushing false romance forward- if your girl is sitting there and accepting your efforts and not giving anything back- then you have a major issue. Oftentimes, couples with this issue end up having nothing romantic together but sex- and that’s a damn bad sign. Like virtually every dating book on the market says, dating is a two way street- and if you don’t feel like it really is one, you have a problem.
- Any romantic attempts you make- from flowers to special dates- go ignored
- You generally feel as if you put much more effort into the relationship
- You feel as if the only intimate thing between you and your partner is sex
3: Your personalities are too different.
Chemistry is a very very important part of any relationship, and oftentimes, personalities clash to the point of making a relationship impossible. If you’re the type that absolutely must stay inside and relax and you’re dating a girl who wants to always go out, who wants to be the center of attention and who hates being indoors, you will have an issue. Of course, opposites attract, and you should always see how you work with a girl’s personality, but some things just don’t work- and if that’s the case, you might want to re-consider dating.
- You often find your egos clash- without any kind of clear make-up
- You find her personality to be annoying or “fake”, or any variant thereof
- She often expresses how she wishes you “acted more like ________”
2: You aren’t getting what you need.
This sounds vague, but it means exactly how it sounds- and no, it’s not all about sex, either. If you expect something from your partner (for example, let’s say intelligent conversations) and she cannot provide that to you whatsoever (she’s absolutely irredeemably stupid), you have an issue. If you enjoy playing video games and want a girl to play with you but end up getting chastised for asking her to play, you have an issue. Of course, this is very hard to tell- there’s a thin line between reasonable demands and unreasonable demands- but there are some things you should never budge on.
- If you had to make a list of things your ideal girl would have, she would possess few or none of them.
- You often feel as if you aren’t able to do all the things you want with your partner
- You are sexually mismatched- she is unable to provide what you want/like and you cannot come to a middle ground.
- As a subset of the above, you begin to use pornography to “make up” for what you can’t get from her.
1: You have no physical attraction.
Yes, this is number 1. I generally contemplated placing this “lower”, but knowing all of the guys I have helped out over the years and the typical male mind, this is number one by FAR. For guys, physical attraction is very important, as it facilitates our response to girls on a sheer physical level- which, of course, allows us to foster relationships on an emotional and mental level as well. Don’t discount this as important: in fact, I would argue that if you don’t have at least a bare physical attraction, you’re in a bad relationship. Remember, you aren’t supposed to be looking for a supermodel- but if you look at your partner and cringe, you have a problem.
- You simply do not find her attractive
- You often find yourself thinking of other girls while you date her, or finding excuses to keep the relationship online/via phone
So what do I do?
- Don’t let yourself ruin a relationship just because of an article. These points are ideas, and oftentimes you can too easily presume your relationship is bad. Before you do anything, talk to your partner. You’d be surprised how many things she does that irritate you that she has no idea cause any problem.
- If you must close a relationship, do it properly. Don’t send a breakup text message. Meet the girl, lay out your issues (See above), and if she won’t compromise, end the relationship on a good, but final, note.
- Move on. Don’t go for a “rebound” girl, but try dating again- don’t get discouraged. There are always more girls to date!