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The Tao of James Bond

Written by admin, Saturday, February 9th, 2008 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

James Bond looking all dangerous.James Bond is the man. No, I’m not just saying it to be funny- I’m serious. The original Sean Connery James Bond (and to some small degree, the Pierce Brosnan James Bond) was a freaking awesome man, and an example of what lots of secretly want to be. Think about it: James Bond does nothing but kick ass, woo hot women, and play with gadgets that, for the time, are beyond what anyone can get anywhere in the world. But what makes James Bond so suave and attractive to women, and what makes him so masculine in his job? Believe it or not, James Bond is just following all the right rules.

Tao Rule 1: Don’t show off, let your actions speak for themselves and be confident with them.

Have you ever seen James Bond (in any of the good movies, rather) show off? nope. There’s a reason for this: showing off is stupid. James Bond never had to run around screaming “I’M A GOOD LOOKING SUAVE GUY!”- because he naturally had that going for him without explicitly stating it. James Bond never needed to flash his cash or drive fancy cars to get laid (he did so because they had rockets), he just exuded a confident, sleek attitude. James Bond never broke down or second guessed himself, even if he screwed up big time- he kept moving and moved efficiently. Sure, Bond knew when to quit and when to stop and re-think things, but he also didn’t require a helping hand or emotional counselor to do them. Bond is the kind of guy who can walk into a room and let everyone know he’s in charge- and he doesn’t have to do it by doing a backflip or wearing flamboyant clothing.

Tao Rule 2: Dress well, all the time.

Have you ever seen James Bond in anything less than the period’s best clothing?

Shit no. I mean, he did have that god awful swimsuit in Goldfinger, but even that was timely. James Bond wore clothing that fit the mood, and he did so in a way that fit his body and made him look like he knew what he was doing at any given time. Bond never felt the need to overdress or under dress- he was well aware of what fit the situation, even when disguised. Sure, this speaks more about the movies’ costume director more than anything, but it still shows you what you should aim for.

Oh, and for the record, go watch the Bond movies and check out Bond’s body (minus the new Casino Royale). Notice how he’s not a ripped bodybuilder, yet women (Both in the movie and WATCHING the movie) still want him? Personality really does matter- shit, Sean Connery was really hairy and stocky, and he still did well. Then again, it’s freaking Sean Connery. He could have worn a huge pimp fedora and still gotten thousands of women.

Tao Rule 3: Picking up women doesn’t involve the words “hey baby”

Except for the one movie where Sean Connery slaps the woman’s ass (or the various other misogynistic crap in the movies), have you ever seen Bond run around with select pickup lines or anything else? Of course not- and that’s not how he got attention. At no point in the movies do you hear retarded pickup lines like “do you come here often?”- you hear him fit something to the situation and genuinely talk. Now, admittedly, a lot of the lines in the movies are patent retarded and corny, but it still shows you that even the corniest movies stray from pickup lines, as well you should. Referring to women as “Pussy Galore” is also not recommended.

Tao Rule 4: Never use a huge gun when a small one will do.

This is more of a general concept, but watch the movies- do you ever see Bond with a Desert Eagle or some other variation of a hand cannon? Hell no. For the earlier movies (if I recall correctly), Bond ran around with a small caliber Baretta, and only in the new movies did he switch to the (even smaller) Walther PPK. Except for the “shit’s really hit the fan” scenes, at no point did Bond ever whip out a huge weapon or overdo a job- he had exactly what he needed, and kept it restrained. You know, except when it comes to cars, in which he has a notoriously shitty track record.

The moral of this? Don’t overdo stuff. Sure, it’s good to work hard at Work, but there are some times when a good old fashioned signature will do much better than a PGP encrypted e-mail with a digital version of your signature in a .svg format file will do. Employers want to see you work hard, but going overboard can make you look incredibly stupid (or make you look like you have too much time on your hands). This is even more true in relationships: going overboard will scare girls, rather than get the effect you want. There’s a beauty to simplicity.

Tao Rule 5: Know what you’re doing and don’t stop if it gets hard.

This is where Bond’s confidence (mentioned above) comes from. Bond is competent. Sure, it requires that he study and actually learn about what he’s doing and ask questions- but he learns what he needs to and makes damn sure he does what he needs to well. When it was time for Bond to go to Japan and hit on Japanese women and become some form of Martial Arts master, he prepares by knowing Japanese and what’s going on. If he doesn’t know what’s going on, he asks someone or figures it out on his own: and it pays off. Life is one big learning experience, and with every Job, Bond learns more and more- and this is something that helps him complete the job (and not get killed in the process).

Even if you’ve graduated highschool and/or college and working, keep learning. No-one says that once you get out of required schooling you get a free pass for the rest of your life. And who knows, someone might be pointing a dangerous laser toward your crotch at some point and you might have to figure out how to keep your balls.

Tao Rule 6: At the end of the day, leave the work at home.

There has never been a Bond movie made where James Bond sits on his ass and leaves things unfinished- but when he’s done, he’s done. When Bond goes home (well, proverbially), he leaves his work at work, and enjoys his life. Now, in James Bond terms, this includes having sex with women on a raft in the middle of the ocean- but in any case, he’s relaxed and he doesn’t stress out. The man is constantly hunted, and even he can relax and enjoy life- and you should as well. Have fun with your job, and enjoy it- but make sure to draw a defined line between work and play, and pay attention to it as much as possible. Let yourself relax and enjoy life- so later down the road, when you’re at home watching a movie, you don’t have to worry about the time you killed that underwater diver.

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8 Responses to The Tao of James Bond

  1. Pingback: Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : The Tao of James Bond

  2. An On says:

    This article was absolutely awesome.

    Keep up the good work.

  3. Tyciol says:

    I liked reading this the first time.

  4. Quelthias says:

    I find Daniel Craig fits in with this as well.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Know what you’re doing and don’t stop if it gets hard.


  6. Tyciol says:

    lol Anon I didn’t notice that, do we stop if it gets soft? Well, you switch to the other end of your spine to the tool that has muscle.

  7. anon says:

    [Spoiler]James Bond isn’t real[/spoiler]

  8. Saif Khan says:

    Indeed, agrees to all mentioned in the article. No matter, how bad life treats you, but it is you who should move on.

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