Wellcultured - Well Cultured is a men’s online magazine with advice and reviews on fashion, dating, finances, health, music, movies and many other topics, as well as a robust message board and the Well Cultured Guide, a freely editable community wiki.

Fun scenario time. Your Girlfriend intends to come over tomorrow, and she wants to watch a movie. God knows why she’s dictating dates at this point, but you’re screwed: all you have is action movies and pornography, both of which may not be the best movies to watch with your significant other. Thanks to the beautiful magic of Netflix (or just a quick drive to a movie store), you can get yourself a movie or two to watch- but what do you watch that she’ll like (and think you’re cultured for), and yet not have to suffer through? Here are some ideas.

Good movies to Watch

- The Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber’s version, AKA “that musical on Blu-Ray”)

This is probably my #1 pick, if I personally had this situation right now. While it’s a somewhat long movie (2:20 or so), The Phantom of the Opera is god’s gift to movies with your Girlfriend. While it is obviously a Musical (and if you don’t like that you’re going to suffer through this, as there are few actual spoken lines), the movie is an absolute masterpiece, with elegant scenery, beautiful actors, and absolutely talented singing. It’s not your typical hyperfeminine movie either- The Phantom of the Opera is passionate and deep, and there is certainly an undercurrent of sexuality running through the whole thing, though it’s tasteful.

And how will I seal the deal? King Leonidas is the Phantom. Yes, Gerard Butler, the manly man who played King Leonidas and screamed “THIS IS SPARTA!” in the movie 300, is the Phantom in this film: and he does a fairly good job all around. He took the job without ever having formal vocal training, and he turned around and whipped the entire film into an awesome musical orgy. Talk about awesome.

- Catch me if you Can

While this is a somewhat sad movie towards the end, Catch me if you Can is a great film for what a lot of the other authors in Well Cultured call the “James Bond Effect”- that is, your Girlfriend will probably enjoy the somewhat sexy espionage action going on as much as you do, though admittedly because the guy on the screen is going to appear more suave than you. Catch me if you Can is one of my favorite movies hands down, and it’s because it’s just clever: it’s clever, sexy, and somewhat humorous as Frank Abagnale attempts to defraud everyone around him- yet sad when he has issues.

For your side of the story, this movie is just plain awesome. Frank Abagnale was one of the biggest balled con men of the century, pulling some of the most daring stunts to keep his name anonymous and his skills intact. Going from a Pilot to a Doctor to a Lawyer only by faking his way through everything, he basically did what he wanted to do: and was surprisingly good at it. You will want to be Frank Abagnale after watching this movie: despite the shitty family situation, that guy had every man’s dream.

- Forrest Gump

If you don’t intend to make out during the movie, Forrest Gump is probably one of the most touching movies you can watch with her, hands down. Forrest Gump is, for all intents and purposes, a window into the 60s/70s from the eyes of a man who is, for all intents and purposes, mentally retarded- but yet his good nature and his heart gets him everywhere in life and he finds himself involved in some of the period’s most important happenings. Plus, the man gets shot in the “butt-tocks”.

While this movie isn’t going to be your favorite because of it’s amazing action or porn, it’s a really good movie that is worth seeing no matter what. Again, admittedly, this is not going to get you anywhere with your girlfriend (she WILL cry), but there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

- Moulin Rouge!

Moulin Rouge is what happens when you mix a good musical with pop culture and mix it all together in a French blender and pour it all over society. Moulin Rouge is a mix of sight and sound, a musical that features songs from our culture (Even stuff from The Police and the like) and turns it into a massive musical all about Love. And believe it or not, it’s awesome- it’s so bohemian it basks in it’s own oddity, yet it’s so normal for America that it’s a blast from the past. If you like oldschool music, this is your kind of movie, you just don’t know it yet.

Oh yeah, and this is one of the few times that Nicole Kidman looks fine. And I mean, like, “holy shit redheads are awesome” hot. Though this is not a good thing to blurt out if you’re watching this with your girlfriend, it’s still freaking true (dammit).

- Mean Girls

This comes from people e-mailing me. Mean Girls is apparently one of the best movies you can watch, even though it’s tagged as a “Chick Flick” and features Lindsay Lohan. I’m not exactly sure what makes it so popular (maybe I’m just behind the times on this one), but Mean Girls has a huge fanbase, as it’s your typical good-girl-versus-clique kind of highschool movie that reminds us all of what Highschool was NOT like back in the day.

- The Princess Bride

Yes, it’s originally for kids, but it’s also a great movie. The Princess Bride is, in essence, a fourth-wall-breaking romp of a movie that parodies but simultaneously promotes old fantasy tales, with swords and knights and princesses. It’s hilariously clever, and something that (again, while originally for kids), amusing enough. The thing is, while it entertains kids, much like many kid’s movies, there is much more going on to the Adult eye- a lot of quick innuendo and snappy lines that are amazingly clever.

Let me put it this way: The Princess Bride will entertain you if you enjoy fantasy stories of any kind, and it’s somewhat amusing even in the context of modern RPGs. Sure, you won’t exactly want to state that last part, but it’s totally true.

- Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

This is one that is a bit hard to explain. First off, this is a horrible movie if you have a girlfriend easily disgusted or not interested in Burton-esque films- but otherwise, this is actually an interesting movie to watch with her. By all means, Sweeney Todd is gory almost to a fault, but it also has an interesting story and some catchy tunes that make it endearing- but obviously, you’ll just love it for the creepy-ass psycho story and the fun of watching Johnny Depp kill people indiscriminately. Well, you shouldn’t, but you’re a sick fuck.

Movies that will probably get you dumped

Note that this is not to say that your girlfriend might like this stuff- this is just from my experience knowing what goes and what doesn’t. Hopefully, you have a girl who would love movies you do like these- however, you need to avoid going overboard with stuff unless you know it will fly. With that in mind, these are movies that you need to play caution to. This is not to say they won’t fly, but… be careful.

- American Psycho

While one of my personal favorites, American Psycho is probably a very bad movie to watch with your girlfriend. Reason? Not only does it feature rampant misogynistic violence, but it also tends to be somewhat disgusting. While Christian Bale ass seems to attract many women (as the story goes, all of the female staffers crowded around when he did the shower scenes), but it’s not really enough to justify forcing her to watch him randomly beat women and cut them to pieces with some sort of surgery kit. Well, in his mind, anyway.

- Schindler’s List

Unless you have some sort of sick fetish for making your girlfriend feel like shit for an entire week, do not make her watch this movie. If she is Jewish, especially do not make her watch this movie. This will probably put her into some sort of twisted depressive manic state for a few days, as it does to most people. Amazing movie, but… play it careful.

- Stupid stuff like DOA: Dead or Alive

You cannot honestly get away with watching a movie like DOA unless it’s in the context of one big joke. Why? Because it’s fucking stupid and it’s basically the equivalent of softcore porn with no brain. It goes without saying that any movie that intends to sell itself by sexualizing somewhat bland looking women will not get you very many brownie points. Rather, it will probably make you look really, really shallow.

So there you have it. Obviously this is a short list- I can’t sit here and list off every movie with a yes or no- but you should get the idea of what the idea is: pick something she’ll like too. Remember, always try to keep her in mind (and stop sending me vague e-mails asking me what to watch)- use your brain and consider what she likes and you’ll do much better than I could ever do so.

James Bond is the man. No, I’m not just saying it to be funny- I’m serious. The original Sean Connery James Bond (and to some small degree, the Pierce Brosnan James Bond) was a freaking awesome man, and an example of what lots of secretly want to be. Think about it: James Bond does nothing but kick ass, woo hot women, and play with gadgets that, for the time, are beyond what anyone can get anywhere in the world. But what makes James Bond so suave and attractive to women, and what makes him so masculine in his job? Believe it or not, James Bond is just following all the right rules.

Tao Rule 1: Don’t show off, let your actions speak for themselves and be confident with them.

Have you ever seen James Bond (in any of the good movies, rather) show off? nope. There’s a reason for this: showing off is stupid. James Bond never had to run around screaming “I’M A GOOD LOOKING SUAVE GUY!”- because he naturally had that going for him without explicitly stating it. James Bond never needed to flash his cash or drive fancy cars to get laid (he did so because they had rockets), he just exuded a confident, sleek attitude. James Bond never broke down or second guessed himself, even if he screwed up big time- he kept moving and moved efficiently. Sure, Bond knew when to quit and when to stop and re-think things, but he also didn’t require a helping hand or emotional counselor to do them. Bond is the kind of guy who can walk into a room and let everyone know he’s in charge- and he doesn’t have to do it by doing a backflip or wearing flamboyant clothing.

Tao Rule 2: Dress well, all the time.

Have you ever seen James Bond in anything less than the period’s best clothing?

Shit no. I mean, he did have that god awful swimsuit in Goldfinger, but even that was timely. James Bond wore clothing that fit the mood, and he did so in a way that fit his body and made him look like he knew what he was doing at any given time. Bond never felt the need to overdress or under dress- he was well aware of what fit the situation, even when disguised. Sure, this speaks more about the movies’ costume director more than anything, but it still shows you what you should aim for.

Oh, and for the record, go watch the Bond movies and check out Bond’s body (minus the new Casino Royale). Notice how he’s not a ripped bodybuilder, yet women (Both in the movie and WATCHING the movie) still want him? Personality really does matter- shit, Sean Connery was really hairy and stocky, and he still did well. Then again, it’s freaking Sean Connery. He could have worn a huge pimp fedora and still gotten thousands of women.

Tao Rule 3: Picking up women doesn’t involve the words “hey baby”

Except for the one movie where Sean Connery slaps the woman’s ass (or the various other misogynistic crap in the movies), have you ever seen Bond run around with select pickup lines or anything else? Of course not- and that’s not how he got attention. At no point in the movies do you hear retarded pickup lines like “do you come here often?”- you hear him fit something to the situation and genuinely talk. Now, admittedly, a lot of the lines in the movies are patent retarded and corny, but it still shows you that even the corniest movies stray from pickup lines, as well you should. Referring to women as “Pussy Galore” is also not recommended.

Tao Rule 4: Never use a huge gun when a small one will do.

This is more of a general concept, but watch the movies- do you ever see Bond with a Desert Eagle or some other variation of a hand cannon? Hell no. For the earlier movies (if I recall correctly), Bond ran around with a small caliber Baretta, and only in the new movies did he switch to the (even smaller) Walther PPK. Except for the “shit’s really hit the fan” scenes, at no point did Bond ever whip out a huge weapon or overdo a job- he had exactly what he needed, and kept it restrained. You know, except when it comes to cars, in which he has a notoriously shitty track record.

The moral of this? Don’t overdo stuff. Sure, it’s good to work hard at Work, but there are some times when a good old fashioned signature will do much better than a PGP encrypted e-mail with a digital version of your signature in a .svg format file will do. Employers want to see you work hard, but going overboard can make you look incredibly stupid (or make you look like you have too much time on your hands). This is even more true in relationships: going overboard will scare girls, rather than get the effect you want. There’s a beauty to simplicity.

Tao Rule 5: Know what you’re doing and don’t stop if it gets hard.

This is where Bond’s confidence (mentioned above) comes from. Bond is competent. Sure, it requires that he study and actually learn about what he’s doing and ask questions- but he learns what he needs to and makes damn sure he does what he needs to well. When it was time for Bond to go to Japan and hit on Japanese women and become some form of Martial Arts master, he prepares by knowing Japanese and what’s going on. If he doesn’t know what’s going on, he asks someone or figures it out on his own: and it pays off. Life is one big learning experience, and with every Job, Bond learns more and more- and this is something that helps him complete the job (and not get killed in the process).

Even if you’ve graduated highschool and/or college and working, keep learning. No-one says that once you get out of required schooling you get a free pass for the rest of your life. And who knows, someone might be pointing a dangerous laser toward your crotch at some point and you might have to figure out how to keep your balls.

Tao Rule 6: At the end of the day, leave the work at home.

There has never been a Bond movie made where James Bond sits on his ass and leaves things unfinished- but when he’s done, he’s done. When Bond goes home (well, proverbially), he leaves his work at work, and enjoys his life. Now, in James Bond terms, this includes having sex with women on a raft in the middle of the ocean- but in any case, he’s relaxed and he doesn’t stress out. The man is constantly hunted, and even he can relax and enjoy life- and you should as well. Have fun with your job, and enjoy it- but make sure to draw a defined line between work and play, and pay attention to it as much as possible. Let yourself relax and enjoy life- so later down the road, when you’re at home watching a movie, you don’t have to worry about the time you killed that underwater diver.

Movies today are further losing connection with the modern male. It’s depressing to think that many young males are growing up now with the message that men are to be embarrassed of their masculinity- and, as many movies, television shows and commercials infer, that they are to behave to the exact opposite of their natural personalities.

This is obviously wrong. Much like young law school students, a well cultured student can learn a hell of a lot from watching quality cinema- especially on what a true man is. With that being said, here are five movies that embody true masculinity.

5. Man on Fire

Man on Fire is a novel (and subsequently, a film) that characterizes the masculine trait of being hard boiled, yet still being selfless and caring. In the most recent version of the movie (starring Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning), the movie inevitably ends in a gory and depressing way- yet the movie in and of itself presents that of a masculine overtone. Denzel Washington’s character John Creasy is a man who has many flaws, but he works extremely hard to not only get the job done, but actually come to terms with his own needs and problems. If anything, Man on Fire is a movie about being more than a mercenary: it’s about being a damn man, through and through.

4. 300

Mentioning 300 to any reader is essentially useless, but I think it’s important to anyway. The thing that makes 300 a wonderful movie is not the extreme violence or lines made of pure awesome, but rather a sign of masculinity in respect to servitude for one’s country. Unlike most films on this theme, 300 is not an American love fest about patriotism for the Red White and Blue- it’s about being responsible and strong in general, even when you know you’re gonna get destroyed. In a way, 300 is a symbol of how true challenges should be taken- not by bending over and taking whatever comes, but fighting it even if it seems (or is) impossible.

3. Oceans 11 (12, and 13)

Now, I’ve touched far too much on the topic of being overly “strong” masculine, so let’s touch on the side of masculinity that is less violent and more refined. The Oceans series is absolutely nothing about being strong or demanding anything- rather, it’s about being clever and classy, and charming to boot. If anything, the Oceans series is like a textbook on how to be masculine in professional settings- not loud or ostentatious, but smart, quick, efficient, and well dressed on top of all of that. Plus, the series is absolutely hilarious at times. Worth a rent, by all means.

2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

This movie almost explains itself. The character Indiana Jones is all about adventure- that is, that desire to get out there and do what we all wanted to do as kids and explore and do fun things for the rest of our lives. However, Indiana Jones is also more than just the adventure- the character is intelligent and well spoken, which makes him more than a “Conan the Barbarian goes Exploring” kind of character- it’s all about being smart and knowing how to be adventurous on top of that.

1. American Gangster

American Gangster is the closest thing to a true movie about being a man that I have seen in a LONG time. Denzel Washington plays Frank Lucas, a man who is best known as the man behind mass drug smuggling using cadavers from Vietnam. And sure, that’s horrible- but what American Gangster does is portray this beyond the concept of “drugs are bad”, and shows a side of Frank Lucas as a man who takes himself with nothing and builds an empire to make a wonderful life for his family. By all means, Frank Lucas was not a man that should be emulated- but American Gangster is a movie that shows the side of raw masculinity that needs to be shown on movie screens today.

With that being said, many more movies exist than these five that embody masculine traits- this is only a cross section of movies that, in my opinion, show a true side to being masculine: a side that involves strength and character, not sexual obsession and weakness- the masculinity of our forefathers, really. And in this case, they did have something right.