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James Sears, AKA “Dmitri the Lover” and born Dimitrious Sarafopoulos, is incredibly famous in the Toronto area as ”[the] world’s greatest lover” and “Canada’s greatest seducer”- both names he’s recently given himself. Alongside his website, dmitrithelover.com, Sears has recently created the Toronto Real Men (TRM) network- a “anti-feminism” club where he charges exorbitant fees to men in the Toronto area for “seduction” classes which can cost around $40 a pop. Naturally, his self-important and often firestarting nature has landed himself in newspapers and websites across North America. On his website, he calls himself everything from “elegant” to “sexy” to even “[a] sexually-obsessed animal”.

Nonetheless, there is something special about James Sears: he’s the best example of a “pickup artist” I’ve ever had. Why? James Sears, AKA “Dmitri the Lover” or “Joseph the Lover” or whatever he wants to call himself, is absolutely, in my professional opinion, insane. Don’t believe me?

James Sears pre-”Dmitri”

James Sears was born in Toronto to a troubled family- allegedly, according to one Toronto Sun article, one parent was an abusive alcoholic, the other struggled with mental illness. In Sears’ own words, “My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was just a borderline manic, histrionic, dramatic woman, and I did not grow up really understanding what love was”. Despite this troubled history, Sears nonetheless was revealed to be relatively bright, which allowed him to enter the University of Toronto medical school in 1986. During this time Sears also served in the Canadian armed forces.

During Sears’ work in the armed forces, it became remarkably clear that something was wrong with Sears. Initially, it seemingly began with a psychological evaluation of Sears by a Canadian military psychologist, who was called in regarding reportedly “erratic” behavior. It got worse. In 1991, sexual assault allegations regarding Sears’ medical practices began to come into light. According to the accusers, during his work, Sears made “verbal sexual overtures” toward his patients and “sexually assaulted them by attempting to kiss and embrace them”- all during routine checkups. Allegations also emerged that Sears would compulsively masturbate during work by going to the washroom between seeing patients. Sears pled guilty to these allegations in 1992, though he later would note that he felt “pressured” by his lawyer(s). He later appealed these charges, and was subsequently acquitted. Nonetheless, he did not re-acquire his medical license, as the authority on such things in Canada still supposedly found him too much of a live wire. Allegations also emerged during that time that during Sears’ work in the Canadian armed forces, he may have tried to forcibly enter a female officer’s room. Cops allegedly found empty grenade canisters, a stun gun and mace in his room. I cannot personally verify this information.

Essentially powerless without his medical accredidation, Sears immediately took to (relatively) behaving himself with a company that specialized in medical work (which somehow skated around the fact Sears is not an “official” doctor). In 2004, James Sears formally launched the “Toronto Real Men’s Network”, a purportedly “anti-Metrosexual” group supposedly helping men become more “masculine”, allegedly fighting some kind of “feminist alarm”.

TRM Network : The Pitch

The Toronto Real Men’s Network is, well… read it for yourself:

TORONTO REAL MEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM is a community dedicated to de-feminizing the men of Toronto, and encouraging women to become more sexually liberated. Real men are sex hungry studs and real women are bisexual sluts.

Yep. It reads like a 12 year old’s concept of a dating manual, but it’s pretty straightforward: TRM has classes run by James Sears (going now by “Dmitri the Lover”) and his “girlfriend”, who provide a variety of courses oriented towards helping Toronto men feel less guilty about wanting to have sex and pushing them towards doing it as much as humanly possible. The selling point, much like other similar organizations, is that “Dmitri the Lover” sells himslf as some sort of dating/sex god, including noting to potential female browsers about his sexual abilities.

According to Dmitri, men are “born murderers and rapists”- and the only way to come to terms with that, to escape societal repression, and to ultimately get laid is to essentially succumb to those desires, at least in a manageable way. This somehow also seems to include not drinking alcohol for some obtuse unknown-to-this-author reason.

Also according to Dmitri, women are born bisexual sluts- meaning, yes, oversexed uncaring sexpots. Of course, much like the “born murderer and rapist” tagline, Dmitri’s concept of escape from the “prison” of societal control is just letting go- and presumably having sex with anything in sight, probably including him.

Naturally, there is a price tag to all of this. Whereas the bulk of what’s online is free, the courses themselves range anywhere from a couple hundred dollars to, of course, a weekend course for $5997.00 or a 5 day course of $97,500.00 (plus tax).

The Analysis

Here’s where I tear James Sears apart.

First off, let me do my traditional thing and create a disclaimer: I don’t personally know Dmitri the Lover. I don’t know James Sears from Adam, beyond the research I’ve done on the man. Realistically, I seriously doubt I would want to physically meet Sears, nor do I feel I would be able to hold a normal, logical conversation with him, medical degree or not. Some information here could very likely be biased by women who, rightly so, hate him enough to exaggerate his ”evil-ness”. However, that being said, court documents and newspapers do not lie, at least for the most part.

James Sears, in my opinion, is insane. Given the above facts, it is not only clear that Sears may possess behavioral issues and impulse control issues, but it is also pretty clear that he’s a misogynistic idiot. The ridiculous attempt at pop psychology Sears endorses is, frankly, vomit inducing. His concept of the world- with hyper dominant men and hyper sexualized women reminiscint of a Boris Vallejo painting- leads one to question the factors that may have led up to this perception of the world, as well as why he feels it necessary for men to hyper-exert their dominance to women.

Realistically, of course, his “tricks” and “methods” don’t really work- and when they are revealed to an impartial audience, they simply seem stupid. Don’t believe me? Women have recorded voicemails he left them- and yes, they are THAT bad.

Women are not “sluts” and men are not “born murderers and rapists”- this is Sears’ misreading of what is essentially part of Freudian psychological drive theory. Yes, all of us have parts in us who want to have sex with, kill, and eat everything not glued down. Both genders possess these drives to various urges, along with a huge number of other drives that govern our actions. Basic Freudian psychology endorses this idea- it is our looming Id which we bash down every single second of every day. It is, in another sense, part of our pleasure principle.

Does this mean that, in the any sense, we are to let our Id run rampant and operate entirely on the pleasure principle? Absolutely not. Doing so is incredibly ridiculous and childish, and it indicates someone who does not think through the full ramifications of such behavior. Would we all suddenly behave based on our bare impulses, the ability to constructively work for ourselves in the long term- and generally, the ability for us to work collectively- is destroyed. In the great sort of Judeo-Christian sense, it is our ability to withhold pleasure and to sacrifice ourselves in various ways for future pleasure or for the benefit of others that facilitates life as we have it now.

Sure, this theory might work on the club floor, as no doubt David DeAngelo’s books work in that realm- but the club world is not the real world. “Dmitri the Lover” may be able to swagger around a club picking up absolutely piss drunk women with his wide open shirts and his heavy cologne, but this is an incredibly limited and ultimately boring life.

Honestly, the way in which “Dmitri the Lover” constructs his world (or his ideal worldview) leads me to believe that he may have deep seated fears of women and a serious inferiority complex. The need to force upon the world a system where men are hyper-masculine and (in essence) control women leads one to believe that James Sears is afraid of his own masculinity- and, in essence, “needs help” with it. One might liken Sears to the stereotypical American “jock” who overcompensates his masculinity through sports and drinking to hide his fear of being perceived as feminine.

The Take-Away

What can we learn from James Sears?

First off, the most powerful lesson here is merely to not trust pickup artist clubs/schemes. James Sears is not the only mental ward patient running around claiming he can pick up women fueled by arrogance- there are a lot of them, some hiding their insanity better than others. These men may seem powerful and dominant and in control, but this facade is merely that: a facade. Oftentimes, these men only manage to get women through sheer luck independent of their “skills”- and being roped into obeying them (and worse, paying them) is to implicitly gamble on your own love life.

Second off, Sears is a great example of the folly of “manly” culture. Indeed, I (and many other people on many different websites and in many different blogs) wholly endorse being masculine without shame- but there is an upper limit to such behavior. Being truly masculine is often not necessarily feeling the need to scream your gender from the rooftops, but often rather merely the ability to, with dignity, be confident and cool and understand yourself.

I realized there was something painfully ironic today when I was walking down the street and I saw a few guys (from a local fraternity, I believe) trying to be masculine. Wearing huge football jerseys, horribly baggy jeans and beat up sneakers (seemingly a uniform around here for some guys), they walked around together still trying to maintain a little bit of masculinity- that is, everything they did seemed to scream one loud “no homo”. Of course, this made it almost more painfully ironic, because the more they worked against this self-perception, the more they embodied it- just in a creepy, somewhat anti-self-actualizing way.

And then it hit me. Masculinity has really changed over the years, especially in America- but also in Europe and Canada to a lesser extent. To be “masculine” now, men seem to try to fit into these little ridiculously stupid “gender roles” and do poorly at it- as if loudly screaming for Generic Local Football Team #56 somehow gave them credit for having a penis. Further, everything about them- the lack of decent clothing, the poor grooming habits, their messy vehicle (a truck, go figure), and even their speech continued to scream “I’m a guy”. But somehow it just didn’t hit the mark- for all of the effort and attempts, it just came off as poor, unwashed, and generally boring.

So, it’s time to work against the stereotypes. In this article, I’m going to explain where these nasty little expectations have come from, why they are ridiculous, and how you can work against them- not to come off as a “metrosexual” or something silly like that, but to come off in a confident, suave way.

The History of Masculine Gender Roles, Cliffs Notes Edition

It’s always easy to presume that the way the Western world handles masculinity is normal. This is as wrong as it could possibly be.

Back in the 1940s during WW2, masculinity (and patriotism) were cherished like crown jewels in the West- it was our crutch, a kind of proverbial launching pad that helped mobilize entire nations against each other. And, naturally, images of masculinity and strength began to come out in full swing. Of course, most are familiar with the image of Rosie the Riveter- a kind of self-reliant woman- which was used to encourage women to pseudo-independence to “help the work force” (among other things). But, more interesting for men, it began to facilitate a new kind of man- the grizzled, rough, and unkempt man. Of course, the pictures of American/British heroes were no longer ones of clean shaven strong men- they were of slightly haggard warriors, worn men with leather-like skin and strong hands who were ready to kill for their country.

Of course, this changed a lot. Images of these rough men in t-shirts (standard issue underwear for the U.S. Army/Navy) came home- and it became acceptable to wear. Before this time, men were expected to be clean shaven and well dressed- now the rules were changing. The idea of a muscular man in very little became sexy- and it came back home with the soldiers. Actors like Marlon Brando and James Dean helped them out, giving them a “rough” look- and thus, the sexy badboy was born in the American mind.

Of course, this didn’t really stop the roles from changing there. In fact, stuff got exponentially more interesting.

Flash forward to the 60s. Culture was changing drastically, and so was fashion and the idea of men. Culture all across the Western world became much more liberal and relaxed- of course, hand-in-hand with rampant drug use and anti-war movements. More pertinently, however, was the idea of James Bond- a suave, woman magnet super-spy. James Bond had everything a man wanted- cool technology, great fashion, more sex than a male prostitute with absolutely beautiful women, and the affirmation of an awesome job well done. He quickly became an icon- a kind of symbol for ultimate masculinity.

Jump forward to the 70s. Less of the 60s extremism, but music kept getting better and culture became even more defined- and thus came Dirty Harry. Made in 1971 (so somewhat loosely still part of the 60s according to some), Harry Callahan is a quick tongued man with a huge gun. Harry, following the archetype that would be abused for years to come in horrible Steven Segal movies, is a cop that breaks the rules and the red tape and shoots first- he’s almost an anti-hero. But he’s a badass- and though he isn’t as suave or as sexy as James Bond, he still acts as a cultural icon.

Now the 80s and the era of the hyper masculine. This is the era of the powerful wrestling shows- this is the era of Hulk Hogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone. One of the most powerful images in this era of powersuits is that of John Rambo, the hyper-muscular hyper-violent former Green Beret killing machine. Rambo is essentially indestructible- he talks even less than Dirty Harry, carries a gun three times as big, and wears very little- he’s a bundle of muscle and ass-kicking.

So, what’s so important about this? Well, to paraphrase a recent documentary touching on the topic, Bigger,
Stronger, Faster*, the transition from the 60s to the 80s was absolutely enormous. In simple terms, we went from a country in the 40s that began to flirt with the ideas of the “rough badboy” to a country that, in the 80s on, is now clearly obsessed with becoming muscular and powerful with little words- and in some senses, with absolutely no attachment to females.

But how do I qualify these statements?

Why these roles are so stupid

Let’s take a look at three of the people I just mentioned that are representative of their culture- James Bond (the 60s), Dirty Harry (the 70s), and John Rambo (the 80s)- and let’s take a quick look at what makes them so interesting.

For you movie buffs out there (or those of you that played Goldeneye 007), you probably know that James Bond’s main gun for most of his movie shots is a Walther PPK- a small pistol that is legitimately tiny- a secretive sidearm, not a huge weapon. Bond talks a lot with women, but keeps his words simple and to the point- and he has a legitimate confidence and control over his scenario. As I’ve said before, James Bond is a great character for men to follow- and a pretty damn good role model for the 60s.

Dirty Harry is a big different. With about 4 or 5 inches added to his gun (now a huge revolver rather than a tiny pistol), Harry doesn’t talk as much, and seems to somewhat grunt through his teeth more than anything else. He’s confident and savvy, but not in the direct sense- he’s a rebel, the kind of guy who is really under control only in the sense that very little is under his control.

John Rambo is basically walking steroids (joke somewhat intended). Rambo barely talks and basically solves his problems by murdering them- quite literally. He’s strong and confident, but only in his own ability to make what he doesn’t like disappear. Women are conspicuously absent- he kills men, and women barely really stand him other than in the obligatory sense. His famous gun? A huge machine gun, with a nearly two foot barrel.

So why am I focusing on the guns, the talking, and the women so much? Because that’s what matters. Without sounding like a gender studies professor, there is legitimacy in saying that a lot of the scenarios in these movies are largely figurative- you can read a lot between the lines. Rambo wields a big gun because it is representative of a huge penis- Bond has no need for it for obvious reasons. Rambo is essentially proving his masculinity by having the “biggest”- it’s being contrasted to the small futile weapons of the people against him. Do note how even the knives he uses are absolutely massive. James Bond dresses well and looks nice because he has the confidence to- Rambo and Dirty Harry coddle viewers into thinking they can get away with not dressing well. The nasty caveat to James Bond is that most realize you can’t walk around in tuxedoes and (then) excellently designed clothing all the time- the later movies seem to focus less on class and charm and more on the action, as if such a thing is irrelevant. Women are (essentially) lacking in Rambo and Dirty Harry films as if to infer a fraternity-like “men only” atmosphere, whereas earlier films “blend” better. Face it- Rambo could be somewhat impotent for all we know- we’re simply urged to enjoy his base violence.

Of course, before I get nasty e-mails, I don’t hate Rambo or Dirty Harry. Hell, 80s-era action movies are pretty damn amusing, if only for their corniness. The problem is, simply put, that these movies carry a very heavy cultural weight with them- they are the reason why a lot of our culture is the way it is today. A lot of us as kids saw the Rambo movies and took them to heart- and we learned to emulate and admire our heroes, taking cues on how to act.

Having a big gun like in Rambo or a big car like in The Fast and the Furious is a way to protect against impotence. Wonder why the guy in the Enzyte commercials didn’t have a sportscar or carry a big gun? He didn’t need to (he was too busy being paid to promote what we now know is a BS drug). There is something true about the old adage that many cops like being able to carry a gun to make up for something they lack- and be it a size issue or simply an irrational worry of sexual impotency, it’s very clearly an attempt to protect oneself from lacking.

The worst thing? Practically, a lot of “masculine” things in today’s society are women-free in a way that is almost homosexual. There’s this ridiculous sense that a lot of these masculine things are women-free (think the “He-Man Woman Haters Club” from The Little Rascals)- that is, really “manly” things are forbidden from the female touch. Sure, women can be on the outside of such things (think the horrible female commentators on ESPN), but they never really get to be “in” the club- they simply get to look pretty and stay the hell away when it matters.

The idea here, in a nutshell, is that somehow you can become manly by carrying a big gun, driving big expensive cars, not talking much, and only handling women in the most distant way (which one could say leads to a lot of guys objectifying women and having difficulty with serious relationships). Further, it encourages guys to pretend they are masculine by doing these very things- it can range from something as simple as watching sports because “the guys” do or going overboard and actually developing an obsession for guns or “manly” food.

Of course, these are not things that always mean you are trying to be manly- but if you really sit down and think about it, not all guys are into what they are into out of genuine interest- many just seem to attach to whatever seems to “fit the bill”. The problem with this is pretty obvious- it’s lacking of confidence and it’s just lame.

How to go against the grain

So how do you get out of this nasty trap of “masculinity”?

Simply put, you rationalize and try to break your mind free from the media.

This isn’t saying that you should abstain from what I’ve mentioned before- sports can be fun, and hell, guns and cars are damn cool. The important thing to do, however, is to have a solid reason for liking them rather than just “my friends do”- that is to say, to try to enjoy it for itself rather than doing it because others do.

Don’t build up ridiculous definitions of what “is” and “is not” manly- try to be open. Sure, you shouldn’t go spooning with men in your underwear, but don’t automatically presume “female” things (shopping, musical theatre, design, fashion, dancing, parties, television shows, even certain kinds of music) are beyond your realm- be willing to cross into them. Being willing to go into realms like that is not only really masculine and confident, but it will also help you find women- because that is exactly where they are. You are more likely to find an awesome girl at something like a nice jazz club rather than finding one at a shady bar- that’s just how like works. I know plenty of guys who capitalize on Yoga clubs in this way- one guy for every 30 hot and very fit women is a damn good statistic if you’re looking to find someone.

Of course, I’m not saying you should bend to this whole “feminine male” thing- in fact, I hate that, and I’ve expressed that before. Dress like a man, act like a man, enjoy yourself like one. Don’t paint your walls pink and go around trying to “get in touch with your feminine side”- just be a man and be willing to go anywhere you damn well please.

This idea of “Being a man but being open to women” is a tough concept- too often guys are pidgeonholed into the binary of “woman” and “man” to the point where they think it’s a proverbial turf war, establishing boundaries and territories and killing anyone who crosses them. Instead of thinking of things like certain activities as “female” or “male”, rather consider them neutral territory, and simply something for you to explore.

Being a real man means you have the guts to be able to stand up to a lot more than what we may fantasize men fought- while the adrenaline-packed escapades of John Rambo are impressive, it doesn’t take half the courage or masculinity that actually balling up and taking on responsibility does. Real life is rarely about such clear cut black-and-white worlds as seen in movies- and it’s intensely more masculine to be able to make decisions and stick to them rather than adhering to a bland world of “them” and “us”. In the world of Rambo and Dirty Harry, pulling out a gun and shooting fixes things- but in the real world, that never works. There’s certainly a time to beat someone down and even a time to go into full out killing machine mode- but it’s understanding the other times that matters as well. It sounds stereotypical, but even having the guts to stand up and take responsibility for your actions is infinitely more masculine than pulling out a hunting knife and killing things indiscriminately- no matter what movies may infer.

But let’s make this more simple. Face it: as crazy as this sounds, male ballet dancers are badass mofos, mainly because they get to feel up extremely hot/flexible women all day, and in contrast, they have gallons of testosterone. Ignore the tights. They are just hiding a guy who is so damn bold that they are willing to dress up like cokehead clowns to show off their packages. I doubt even I would have the guts to do that, even if I was promised hot women. So think of it this way- which is more manly?- John Rambo, semi-naked penis replacement toting psychopath who seemingly abstains from the female touch, or Joe, the fairly decent guy somewhere in someone’s Yoga class right now around 40 women who all think it’s great to have a hot guy to look at and would essentially all die to go on a date with him?

I think I’d say the latter. Joe, you lucky bastard.

Recently, the Wellcultured team has been getting a slew of e-mails asking about how to handle proms. Proms, which generally translate into “overblown highschool parties”, are generally held this time of year- so it’s right about time we give you some ideas on how to handle prom well.

The Basics

First off, let’s define what a prom is. A prom is not, like many may believe, an opportunity to have sex. In fact, chances are, you will not be getting sex after prom. Pop culture has sent you one big whopping lie- taking that lie and running with it is foolish. A Prom is really a social dance, one that floats between semi-formal and formal wear, depending on the situation and the school. In most American schools, there are two main proms- the junior prom and the senior prom, each for the respective grade level. It is not some sort of mythical Disney-esque ball where girls become women, nor is it soemthing to the equivelant of a Debutante Ball, where girls are presented to some higher court. Nowadays, at least in America and most of Europe, proms are essentially an excuse to get all the highschoolers together to “dance”.

This sounds negative, but it’s important to understand that proms are typically taken way too damned seriously by most highschoolers (as most highschoolers take highschool way too damn seriously). Prom is not the end-all of the world, and if you “screw up” at prom, your life is not over. Still, that’s not saying you can’t put some effort into making it nice and memorable- so this guide is going to help you do that.

Step 1: Plan.

As a guy, your primary job is going to be making everything as effortless as possible, as it is on virtually any date. If you plan to go with a partner (which isn’t actually necessary, see below), your goal will be to make all the transitions fast, the cups full, and everything feel effortless. Most girls want to be treated like princesses (and unfortunately some want to be treated as queens), so you need to make them feel special.

So far as clothing goes, keep standard and classy. Figure out what your school expects- at the very least, plan to wear a suit. Keep relatively conservative if you can- your most classy and safest bet will be a black three-button business suit with a fairly regular cut- no wide lapels or anything of that nature. Everything else (your shirt and tie) should be based upon what your date wears- many girls will provide you with a samlple of the color of the cloth. Try to match your tie with the color of the dress- you can even match your shirt if it’s something standard (no pink). You may also opt for a pocket square using a hankerchief (generally the color of your tie in this case)- if you do, keep the square normal and go for a single fold or something similar. Trust me, you are a teenager, no-one will think your eloquently folded puff design will be intentional, they will think you messed up. While we’re on the topic, black leather shoes (or similar), and if you decide to wear french cuffs (which are the cuff style that require cufflinks), go easy on the cufflinks- no diamonds or platinum or anything.

You will be expected to purchase a corsage. Do so at the advice of the girl or a parent on either side, and keep it close to her dress color if possible.

While it’s done occasionally, going overboard (such as renting limos) is simply ridiculous. While it’s fine if you plan to go with friends and just want to do something entertaining, doing it as some sort of attempt to entertain the girl is, at least in my opinion, poor taste. In the same sense that I would not recommend you buying her a diamond necklace for prom, I would not recommend paying for a limo just to transport her to prom.

Her parents, depending on their strictness on the date, may demand to chaperone or otherwise inflict rules on your date. This is fine- to a point. You need to have the guts to scare off a parent if they decide to literally follow you everywhere, or otherwise attempt to cause you problems (such as belittling you, as I’ve heard before). Don’t be a jackass, just don’t be a push-over- you want the date to be fun, not hell.

One important note- don’t feel like a jackass if you don’t get a date. Plenty of fun can be had just showing up. Most girls don’t JUST dance with their date (unless they have some sort of attachment, like most existing couples tend to have), so don’t feel like you got left out.

Step 2: Dancing and Eating

While most proms do not have complete sit-down dinner affairs, there will be some snacks/drinks, and there will obviously be dancing.

Eating-wise, I would actually recommend you eat a little bit before you go. The reason for this is simple- parties like this are not for stuffing your face, therefore, you may get to eat a little bit (or not at all). Eat a sandwich or a quick snack before you go that will last you a few hours and you should be set.

You may go to dinner with your date beforehand. I would still recommend eating a teensy bit beforehand just to not seem like a pig. Normal dinner date rules apply here- be polite, courteous, and try to loosen her up for the inevitable dancing later.

When you do eat, try a little bit of stuff, but don’t hang around the buffet table, and certainly do not eat when your date is not (and standing with you). It’s classy to offer to get her a drink or food, which you can do (but don’t over-do it).

While this rarely applies, the normal party open-container rule applies here: don’t drink out of them. Punch bowls can be spiked with alcohol or who knows what, so avoid them if you can. This is another plus of eating beforehand: you don’t have to deal with such crap.

Dancing wise, I can only think of the movie Hitch- your job is to sway back and forth. Unless your dance partner actually knows how to dance, throwing her around is not advised- and similarly, it’s not advised for you to try to fake it with girls who do know how to. Most modern “dance” parties nowadays are no different than glorified concerts anwyay, so don’t expect that you will be able to show off prowess, at least in that regard.

Generally, many highschools will attempt to be clever by playing some sort of then-popular song (some techno song, or more popularly, Soulja Boy) and expecting you to dance to it. If you know how, do so. Just don’t expect to keep dancing like you were before.

Step 3: Interacting with your Date

If you have a date (again, which is not necessary), expect that she will more than likely not be dancing just with you. Most highschool girls will completely trounce your ego by running off to their girlfriends and incessantly chatting, dancing with other guy friends, and generally ignoring you. Face it- most girls see this as an upper-tier social function, not a date. While I wouldn’t wish such crap on any guy, it happens- so you need to be prepared.

When you arrive, expect her to want to talk with her friends. If she’s a nice classy girl, she will introduce you (if you don’t already know them). Be nice, but obviously keep the girl to yourself when you can without being pushy- if the talk dies down, invite her to dance or ask if she wants food. NEVER get irate and sulk in the corner, she will entirely ditch you.

This part of the prom is not very hard- just keep with her, like some sort of arm ornament, and try to enjoy yourself. All you need to do is make sure you don’t go overboard- don’t get angry if she ignores you, don’t get too grabby or protective, and don’t expect a kiss. Leave the latter to be a surprise, if it ever comes.

If you get ditched (or if you just didn’t have a date in the first place), hang out with friends, talk to girls sitting back, and just generally shoot the breeze. Dance if you feel like inviting someone. It isn’t really hard once you muster up the balls to do it- and once you get rolling, it’s a lot easier.

Step 4: Knowing when to leave

You should leave when you feel things dying down. Granted, this is hard to notice, but a good indicator is when others are beginning to leave. With all the eating, dancing, and talking, most are guaranteed to get tired, so prepare to read the signs of exhaustion from your date (or from yourself) and be the one offering to drive her home.

When you do go home, take her home- none of this “let’s go to a motel” shit. Don’t try anything funny at the last minute- that will be the thing she remembers most. Feel free to act normally, but anything overboard can make the whole experience a collosal failure- so just be normal.

Overall, the message here is to be yourself and don’t do anything nuts. While you obviously want to potray the best version of yourself you can, you can ruin a prom quickly by trying to force things- such as renting a limo or something ridiculous like that. In the long run, prom means very little- but you can make it mean a whole lot by doing the right things.

Of course, we like to hear about epic victories, so post on the forums if anything good comes of it!

James Bond is the man. No, I’m not just saying it to be funny- I’m serious. The original Sean Connery James Bond (and to some small degree, the Pierce Brosnan James Bond) was a freaking awesome man, and an example of what lots of secretly want to be. Think about it: James Bond does nothing but kick ass, woo hot women, and play with gadgets that, for the time, are beyond what anyone can get anywhere in the world. But what makes James Bond so suave and attractive to women, and what makes him so masculine in his job? Believe it or not, James Bond is just following all the right rules.

Tao Rule 1: Don’t show off, let your actions speak for themselves and be confident with them.

Have you ever seen James Bond (in any of the good movies, rather) show off? nope. There’s a reason for this: showing off is stupid. James Bond never had to run around screaming “I’M A GOOD LOOKING SUAVE GUY!”- because he naturally had that going for him without explicitly stating it. James Bond never needed to flash his cash or drive fancy cars to get laid (he did so because they had rockets), he just exuded a confident, sleek attitude. James Bond never broke down or second guessed himself, even if he screwed up big time- he kept moving and moved efficiently. Sure, Bond knew when to quit and when to stop and re-think things, but he also didn’t require a helping hand or emotional counselor to do them. Bond is the kind of guy who can walk into a room and let everyone know he’s in charge- and he doesn’t have to do it by doing a backflip or wearing flamboyant clothing.

Tao Rule 2: Dress well, all the time.

Have you ever seen James Bond in anything less than the period’s best clothing?

Shit no. I mean, he did have that god awful swimsuit in Goldfinger, but even that was timely. James Bond wore clothing that fit the mood, and he did so in a way that fit his body and made him look like he knew what he was doing at any given time. Bond never felt the need to overdress or under dress- he was well aware of what fit the situation, even when disguised. Sure, this speaks more about the movies’ costume director more than anything, but it still shows you what you should aim for.

Oh, and for the record, go watch the Bond movies and check out Bond’s body (minus the new Casino Royale). Notice how he’s not a ripped bodybuilder, yet women (Both in the movie and WATCHING the movie) still want him? Personality really does matter- shit, Sean Connery was really hairy and stocky, and he still did well. Then again, it’s freaking Sean Connery. He could have worn a huge pimp fedora and still gotten thousands of women.

Tao Rule 3: Picking up women doesn’t involve the words “hey baby”

Except for the one movie where Sean Connery slaps the woman’s ass (or the various other misogynistic crap in the movies), have you ever seen Bond run around with select pickup lines or anything else? Of course not- and that’s not how he got attention. At no point in the movies do you hear retarded pickup lines like “do you come here often?”- you hear him fit something to the situation and genuinely talk. Now, admittedly, a lot of the lines in the movies are patent retarded and corny, but it still shows you that even the corniest movies stray from pickup lines, as well you should. Referring to women as “Pussy Galore” is also not recommended.

Tao Rule 4: Never use a huge gun when a small one will do.

This is more of a general concept, but watch the movies- do you ever see Bond with a Desert Eagle or some other variation of a hand cannon? Hell no. For the earlier movies (if I recall correctly), Bond ran around with a small caliber Baretta, and only in the new movies did he switch to the (even smaller) Walther PPK. Except for the “shit’s really hit the fan” scenes, at no point did Bond ever whip out a huge weapon or overdo a job- he had exactly what he needed, and kept it restrained. You know, except when it comes to cars, in which he has a notoriously shitty track record.

The moral of this? Don’t overdo stuff. Sure, it’s good to work hard at Work, but there are some times when a good old fashioned signature will do much better than a PGP encrypted e-mail with a digital version of your signature in a .svg format file will do. Employers want to see you work hard, but going overboard can make you look incredibly stupid (or make you look like you have too much time on your hands). This is even more true in relationships: going overboard will scare girls, rather than get the effect you want. There’s a beauty to simplicity.

Tao Rule 5: Know what you’re doing and don’t stop if it gets hard.

This is where Bond’s confidence (mentioned above) comes from. Bond is competent. Sure, it requires that he study and actually learn about what he’s doing and ask questions- but he learns what he needs to and makes damn sure he does what he needs to well. When it was time for Bond to go to Japan and hit on Japanese women and become some form of Martial Arts master, he prepares by knowing Japanese and what’s going on. If he doesn’t know what’s going on, he asks someone or figures it out on his own: and it pays off. Life is one big learning experience, and with every Job, Bond learns more and more- and this is something that helps him complete the job (and not get killed in the process).

Even if you’ve graduated highschool and/or college and working, keep learning. No-one says that once you get out of required schooling you get a free pass for the rest of your life. And who knows, someone might be pointing a dangerous laser toward your crotch at some point and you might have to figure out how to keep your balls.

Tao Rule 6: At the end of the day, leave the work at home.

There has never been a Bond movie made where James Bond sits on his ass and leaves things unfinished- but when he’s done, he’s done. When Bond goes home (well, proverbially), he leaves his work at work, and enjoys his life. Now, in James Bond terms, this includes having sex with women on a raft in the middle of the ocean- but in any case, he’s relaxed and he doesn’t stress out. The man is constantly hunted, and even he can relax and enjoy life- and you should as well. Have fun with your job, and enjoy it- but make sure to draw a defined line between work and play, and pay attention to it as much as possible. Let yourself relax and enjoy life- so later down the road, when you’re at home watching a movie, you don’t have to worry about the time you killed that underwater diver.

Movies today are further losing connection with the modern male. It’s depressing to think that many young males are growing up now with the message that men are to be embarrassed of their masculinity- and, as many movies, television shows and commercials infer, that they are to behave to the exact opposite of their natural personalities.

This is obviously wrong. Much like young law school students, a well cultured student can learn a hell of a lot from watching quality cinema- especially on what a true man is. With that being said, here are five movies that embody true masculinity.

5. Man on Fire

Man on Fire is a novel (and subsequently, a film) that characterizes the masculine trait of being hard boiled, yet still being selfless and caring. In the most recent version of the movie (starring Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning), the movie inevitably ends in a gory and depressing way- yet the movie in and of itself presents that of a masculine overtone. Denzel Washington’s character John Creasy is a man who has many flaws, but he works extremely hard to not only get the job done, but actually come to terms with his own needs and problems. If anything, Man on Fire is a movie about being more than a mercenary: it’s about being a damn man, through and through.

4. 300

Mentioning 300 to any reader is essentially useless, but I think it’s important to anyway. The thing that makes 300 a wonderful movie is not the extreme violence or lines made of pure awesome, but rather a sign of masculinity in respect to servitude for one’s country. Unlike most films on this theme, 300 is not an American love fest about patriotism for the Red White and Blue- it’s about being responsible and strong in general, even when you know you’re gonna get destroyed. In a way, 300 is a symbol of how true challenges should be taken- not by bending over and taking whatever comes, but fighting it even if it seems (or is) impossible.

3. Oceans 11 (12, and 13)

Now, I’ve touched far too much on the topic of being overly “strong” masculine, so let’s touch on the side of masculinity that is less violent and more refined. The Oceans series is absolutely nothing about being strong or demanding anything- rather, it’s about being clever and classy, and charming to boot. If anything, the Oceans series is like a textbook on how to be masculine in professional settings- not loud or ostentatious, but smart, quick, efficient, and well dressed on top of all of that. Plus, the series is absolutely hilarious at times. Worth a rent, by all means.

2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

This movie almost explains itself. The character Indiana Jones is all about adventure- that is, that desire to get out there and do what we all wanted to do as kids and explore and do fun things for the rest of our lives. However, Indiana Jones is also more than just the adventure- the character is intelligent and well spoken, which makes him more than a “Conan the Barbarian goes Exploring” kind of character- it’s all about being smart and knowing how to be adventurous on top of that.

1. American Gangster

American Gangster is the closest thing to a true movie about being a man that I have seen in a LONG time. Denzel Washington plays Frank Lucas, a man who is best known as the man behind mass drug smuggling using cadavers from Vietnam. And sure, that’s horrible- but what American Gangster does is portray this beyond the concept of “drugs are bad”, and shows a side of Frank Lucas as a man who takes himself with nothing and builds an empire to make a wonderful life for his family. By all means, Frank Lucas was not a man that should be emulated- but American Gangster is a movie that shows the side of raw masculinity that needs to be shown on movie screens today.

With that being said, many more movies exist than these five that embody masculine traits- this is only a cross section of movies that, in my opinion, show a true side to being masculine: a side that involves strength and character, not sexual obsession and weakness- the masculinity of our forefathers, really. And in this case, they did have something right.