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Finding the Right Girl

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Friday, March 6th, 2009 in Q&As

My girlfriend of 13 months just broke up with me. For the reason that she loves me as a friend, not romantically anymore. I honestly didn’t see this coming and it’s hit me really hard. She was my first for everything. Love, kiss, sex, relationship.

The problem is, I now want to find someone new. But I lack the confidence to talk to people. That, and I don’t really go anywhere to meet people. My college class is full of guys (Computing course) and I’m 5 months too young to go to pubs. Also, I work early Saturday/Sunday mornings so on the rare event that I get invited to a party, it’s too late to book time off work. What can I do?

Well, it looks like you’ve had your first major breakup.

The first step you’ll want to address is really breaking free from your feelings to your ex. While that sounds cold, generally, you will have a hard time finding someone new when you have clear attachments to an ex-girlfriend- for the same reason that girls who recently broke up with boyfriends make bad dates. Before you make any sort of move, I would sincerely recommend dealing with the issue at hand and making a clean break. Avoid wallowing in self-pity, “clean up” your life (this can be anything from deleting pictures to removing her from your cell phone), and enjoy the fact you’re single again. Like the opening of Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged Me, you need to really ridiculously enjoy the fact you’re back on the market (running around a hotel naked not included).

As for finding girls, that’s always an issue- but you can easily open yourself up. If you really absolutely have no free time, internet dating is an often overlooked option (and a much better idea than pubs). Even if you don’t take girls you meet online seriously, simply chatting/e-mailing with them will give you some of your confidence back and get you “started”. Since you are in college, you have plenty of opportunities to find women in your own group outside of classes- try joining a club or team and meeting new people that way. Whenever you can, try to “get out there” and talk to women- confidence largely comes from experience and opportunity. Trust me, very few men are legitimately at the level where they can talk to a girl on the proverbial street and get a number.

Don’t expect a relationship immediately- good, lasting relationships are few and far between.  Still, move towards meeting more people and you’ll certainly have a better shot at finding that right person and moving on with your romantic life.

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