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My girlfriend of 13 months just broke up with me. For the reason that she loves me as a friend, not romantically anymore. I honestly didn’t see this coming and it’s hit me really hard. She was my first for everything. Love, kiss, sex, relationship.

The problem is, I now want to find someone new. But I lack the confidence to talk to people. That, and I don’t really go anywhere to meet people. My college class is full of guys (Computing course) and I’m 5 months too young to go to pubs. Also, I work early Saturday/Sunday mornings so on the rare event that I get invited to a party, it’s too late to book time off work. What can I do?

Well, it looks like you’ve had your first major breakup.

The first step you’ll want to address is really breaking free from your feelings to your ex. While that sounds cold, generally, you will have a hard time finding someone new when you have clear attachments to an ex-girlfriend- for the same reason that girls who recently broke up with boyfriends make bad dates. Before you make any sort of move, I would sincerely recommend dealing with the issue at hand and making a clean break. Avoid wallowing in self-pity, “clean up” your life (this can be anything from deleting pictures to removing her from your cell phone), and enjoy the fact you’re single again. Like the opening of Austin Powers: The Spy who Shagged Me, you need to really ridiculously enjoy the fact you’re back on the market (running around a hotel naked not included).

As for finding girls, that’s always an issue- but you can easily open yourself up. If you really absolutely have no free time, internet dating is an often overlooked option (and a much better idea than pubs). Even if you don’t take girls you meet online seriously, simply chatting/e-mailing with them will give you some of your confidence back and get you “started”. Since you are in college, you have plenty of opportunities to find women in your own group outside of classes- try joining a club or team and meeting new people that way. Whenever you can, try to “get out there” and talk to women- confidence largely comes from experience and opportunity. Trust me, very few men are legitimately at the level where they can talk to a girl on the proverbial street and get a number.

Don’t expect a relationship immediately- good, lasting relationships are few and far between.  Still, move towards meeting more people and you’ll certainly have a better shot at finding that right person and moving on with your romantic life.

My girlfriend recently dumped me. What is the best way to heal from a loving relationship turned bad, especially when she is/was so much a part of my life? She is still friends with a majority of my friends!

I probably need to write a full guide on this subject, but for the time being, let me break it down.

1. Avoid brooding on the subject. The worst thing most guys do when someone breaks up with them is to “go emo”- that is to say, to be reclusive, pondering, and wimpy. This does very little to solve anything, makes the problem worse, and makes you feel like crap longer. Life has to continue- go out and do what you’ve always done and keep yourself busy. This will keep you from sitting around thinking about it incessantly.

2. Date. Schedule some dates- they don’t have to be serious. Many guys tend to fall into strange ruts where they believe their ex girlfriend was the “one”, refusing to date other people. Don’t do that. Go out on new dates, have fun, talk to the opposite sex, and just enjoy life. Don’t bring up your ex-girlfriend, for obvious reasons.

3. Don’t worry about your friends. They will be more awkward about the subject than you. If they ask, give them a simple answer, and keep it that way. Some may draw away from you for various reasons- don’t brood on it too much.

4. Learn. While this is not always the case, many breakups can be taken as lessons- teaching you what you did wrong, what you need to work on, and that sort of thing. Accept the fact that, chances are, a lot of stuff was probably your fault- and work to fix it in new relationships.

Breakups are ridiculously hard, so a lot of this advice is theoretical at best, but if you really focus on not thinking about it too much and moving on, things should go fairly smoothly for you, comparatively. Good luck.