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Handling a Break-Up

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Friday, December 19th, 2008 in Q&As

My girlfriend recently dumped me. What is the best way to heal from a loving relationship turned bad, especially when she is/was so much a part of my life? She is still friends with a majority of my friends!

I probably need to write a full guide on this subject, but for the time being, let me break it down.

1. Avoid brooding on the subject. The worst thing most guys do when someone breaks up with them is to “go emo”- that is to say, to be reclusive, pondering, and wimpy. This does very little to solve anything, makes the problem worse, and makes you feel like crap longer. Life has to continue- go out and do what you’ve always done and keep yourself busy. This will keep you from sitting around thinking about it incessantly.

2. Date. Schedule some dates- they don’t have to be serious. Many guys tend to fall into strange ruts where they believe their ex girlfriend was the “one”, refusing to date other people. Don’t do that. Go out on new dates, have fun, talk to the opposite sex, and just enjoy life. Don’t bring up your ex-girlfriend, for obvious reasons.

3. Don’t worry about your friends. They will be more awkward about the subject than you. If they ask, give them a simple answer, and keep it that way. Some may draw away from you for various reasons- don’t brood on it too much.

4. Learn. While this is not always the case, many breakups can be taken as lessons- teaching you what you did wrong, what you need to work on, and that sort of thing. Accept the fact that, chances are, a lot of stuff was probably your fault- and work to fix it in new relationships.

Breakups are ridiculously hard, so a lot of this advice is theoretical at best, but if you really focus on not thinking about it too much and moving on, things should go fairly smoothly for you, comparatively. Good luck.

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2 Responses to Handling a Break-Up

  1. pi4arctan1guy says:

    I recently had a breakup, too. I’ve been forcing myself to be social. Although I don’t feel beat up about it, I imagine that staying inside all the time and not talking to anyone would have lead to some pretty negative feelings. Don’t be fooled by your emotions, especially if they are telling you to shut yourself in and break off communication with your friends.

  2. Tyciol says:

    As a ‘prevention’ thing, before writing a more thorough guide on breakups, writing on how to avoid a relationship that would have a bad breakup would be good, because if a relationship has certain dynamics compared to others, it’s bound to be easier to deal with transitions of any sort within it. This is a lot more subtle than most guides, but you’re a pro so you’re up to it Captain.

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