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The Secrets of Intimacy

Written by Alexandra, Thursday, March 19th, 2009 in Sex Q&A

stk16823clipreviewEver worry about being incompetent when it comes to pleasing your partner? People weren’t born knowing the dos and don’ts of affection. It’s something that takes practice if you plan on being good at it. At first it may be awkward, but it’s worth it in the long run. Here, WC gives you pointers on things to do-and not do-when with your partner.

Kissing/Making Out

Kissing is wonderful. The best kinds of kisses tend to be between two people with mutual feelings for each other. It can be a simple peck to say “good morning,” or it could be steamy and head-spinning number that leads to much more. Regardless of the purpose of your kiss, there are some things you should keep in mind:

Vary the intensity of the kisses.

Soft, light kisses make the body tingle; hard, passionate kisses make heads spin. Don’t keep the same pace the whole time or your partner will likely become uninterested. Keep her excited by combining slow kisses with fast kisses, shorter kisses with longer ones, and by adding some nibbling here and there. She’ll melt.

Don’t leave kissing for just the lips.

It gets boring and won’t get your partner as excited as if you switched it up. However, try not to go for the R-Rated spots just yet. A kiss on the cheek or the forehead will have her anticipating a slow, romantic time, whereas a kiss to the neck or the ear gets things hotter.

Easy with the tongue.

It’s common for people to get excited and want to use whatever means to get closer and make contact with even more of their partner’s body, but when it comes to making out, try to keep it simple. Ease into it and try not to use your tongue too early or too much; with making out, it’s best to keep things simple. Use that energy for other things, like what often follows making out.

Pay attention to her reactions.

Does she try to back away from you when you press hard? Take the hint and back off. Does she push her lips firmer against yours when you’re kissing her softly? Take the hint and kiss harder. Listen to her breathing when you’re kissing, too; heavier breathing means she’s enjoying herself; sighing means she’s really feeling the kiss for more than just lips touching lips. Things like yawning may mean you should try a different approach.

Touching/Fondling

One of the five senses, “touch” is a very powerful way of connecting with others. Touching one’s arm while talking to them shows interest, a quick massage can relax and revitalize someone, and a caress can send shivers to every inch of a person if done appropriately. In order to help you determine how befitting yours are, we have these pointers:

Never have idle hands.

When kissing, pulling her into you closer by the back of the head, around the waist, or at her butt will get things amped up. Running your hands up and down her arms or holding her tight are big pleasers as well.

Massages are wonderful.

You don’t have to lay her down and bust out a towel, hot stones, and massage oils, but nothing sets the mood quite like a massage. Pressing into her and making small circles with your fingers will loosen her up and relax her. When you’re done, she’s likely to return the favor. Never rush massages, though; you could end up hurting her, which is never good.

Don’t use the “milking a cow” technique. Ever.

Yes, breasts are pretty fun, but never under any circumstances pull them (unless you’re involved in a BDSM deal, in which case you probably wouldn’t be reading this anyways). Keep in mind that smaller breasts tend to be more sensitive than larger ones, but all of them have nerves. Please respect that. Otherwise we may try the “technique” on you.

Don’t rub too hard for too long, especially if it’s dry contact.

If you’re playing with her breasts and rolling her nipples between your fingers or similar, please, please, please be soft. If you use too much pressure, especially when it’s dry skin touching dry skin, you will cause a burning sensation, chaffing, and/or bleeding. The pain is unbelievable, especially when she goes to put a piece of clothing on over them. Keep things at least somewhat wet so no irritation will follow.

Oral

sexy-couple-kissingGiving-

Giving oral to a girl can either be for her sheer pleasure and a way of getting her to orgasm, or as a way to prepare her for intercourse. Depending on your situation, different things are okay to do. The following pertain mostly to the times when your goal is to simply please her:

Start things off right.

The first few brushes will be the most intense because her body will be just starting to warm up. Take advantage of that and be slow and methodical with your strokes. Also, keep away from the clitoris until she’s fully ready; premature taction can cause pain and discomfort, two common mood-killers.

No biting.

At least, not hard biting, and not right away. Nibbling should be done after your partner is pretty turned on, otherwise her body will be too sensitive and it will cause pain. Suck and lick her for a while before using teeth.

Don’t get bored and give up.

The average woman takes about twice as long as the average man to reach orgasm. Maybe you climaxed after 5 or 6 minutes of her giving, but don’t expect her to always do the same. Maybe your tongue and mouth get tired; that’s what you use fingers for. Never rest your head on her thigh because you’re tired. She’ll be distracted and offended by the contact, resulting in even more time to get her to orgasm. In other words, if you think you might be giving oral in the near future, be rested and ready for about 15+ minutes of (highly rewarding) work.

Don’t start kissing immediately after cunnilingus.

Most girls find their scent and taste to be disgusting and have no interest in tasting it from your mouth. In time, they probably won’t notice it too much, but it’s always welcomed for you to take a drink of water or something before kissing. However, there are some girls that have no problem with it, and some even get turned on by it. Just play it safe at first, or better yet, ask her.

Receiving-

It’s a common misconception that all girls despise giving blowjobs. While some may be uncomfortable with it, others want to make you one happy camper and enjoy either the act of giving it or the fact that they can make you so happy from something. Be respectful and follow these little rules and you’re sure to have your partner coming back for more:

Relax.

If you’re tense and unfocused, you’ll kill the mood. The more relaxed and at ease you are, the easier it is for your partner to get comfortable and concentrate on pleasuring you as much as possible.

Don’t force her head to take too much.

Sure, it’s pretty common for guys put their hands on the back of girls’ heads when receiving oral, but things like ‘gag reflexes’ do indeed exist. Let your partner decide how much of you they can handle at a time. If she can take it all with ease? Luck you, you get to be deep-throated. If she can’t? That’s quite an ego boost to know you’re too big for her to take.

Hold her hair.

Hair gets in the way of the giver. It can get in your partner’s mouth, causing her to gag or stop things while trying to fix her hair. Or, if she has to use her own hands to hold it back, that could take away from the pleasure; those hands could be touching you! By holding her hair back, it shows that you’re getting into it and that you care enough to help her. Plus, it lets you see everything that’s going on better. You know you want to.

Give her a warning when you’re about to orgasm.

Surprises are great and all, but when it comes to orgasms it’s best to just tell her.
It’s the polite thing to do, and it gives her a chance to decide what to do when it hits.

Intercourse

Having sex is part physical, but most of it is how well two (sometimes more, but that’s separate) people connect. If you’re having sex with someone, it means you trust them to a degree. It also means you’re both interested in pleasing yourselves and each other. To help you out, we have some things to remember:

Don’t be silent.

Feedback is key when it comes to just about everything, especially sex. Like the way she swivels her hips when you’re inside her? Tell her! Don’t like her heels digging into you? Also tell her, but in a constructive manner, like putting her feet somewhere else and then raving about how great it feels.

Don’t fake pleasure.

Moaning, screaming, panting, and calling out her name are all absolutely fantastic, but only when you mean it. Not only will she probably know you’re faking, but lying to her is one of the cruelest things you could do.

Do what’s in the best interest of you and your partner, and know your limits.

Sometimes going at it hard will be exactly what you want to do, but only do things you know your partner can handle. If she’s tiny or weak, it would be in your best interest not to pound her senseless into a wall. If she’s big or strong, you’ll need to use a bit more energy to make sure she’s enjoying it.

Be open about your likes and dislikes, and be sure to know your partner’s.

This changes partner-to-partner. Maybe your last girl liked things slow and soft, but your new girl may want her hair pulled and to be spanked. Being open with each other makes things more satisfying overall when you’re together. Bonus: when you talk about it, you’ll probably both be ready to get behind closed doors and start trying things out! Make sure you know her stance on experimentation, too; maybe you’re jonesing for anal, but you better know how your partner feels incase her backdoor is off-limits.

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3 Responses to The Secrets of Intimacy

  1. Is it normal for some women to not climax? I’ve sometimes had issues getting women to orgasm.

  2. Overused_Excuse says:

    I don’t know about all women, but typically other people can’t get me to orgasm; I just have to do it myself, but I have them help by touching me. If you’re having trouble getting her to climax, ask her what you can do to help out. 🙂

  3. JP says:

    This is kind of basic, doesn’t go into enough detail to actually help anyone, but doesn’t do anything wrong enough for this to be all incorrect.

    For instance, I had a girl that I would eat out, and she would climax, and she would grab my head and pull it up to hers to make out. These aren’t stone set “rules”.

    And getting women to climax is easy once you know how, girls really shouldn’t blame themselves, it takes just a bit of experimentation on the part of the guy and it should get done (not set in stone either, some girls have hang-ups and problems with it, can’t be done until those are fixed)

    And what about when she wants it rough? This article gives absolutely no information for when the girl wants to be man-handled, and you need to be a bit aggressive.

    tl:dr There’s better information out there.

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