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How to Date a Gamer Girl

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Saturday, June 14th, 2008 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

Most guys tell me that the absolute best girlfriend they can imagine is one that shares their interests- and around here on WellCultured, that kind of girl is the gamer girl. Unfortunately, few girls of this rare breed exist, but for the ones that do, many of us are a bit confused- after all, what do you do with a girl who can tear you apart in Street Fighter? Here are some pointers.

1. She is a girl, treat her as such.

One of the biggest irritations gamer girls have is that they are either considered the “token girl” or are lumped in the group as a guy- a dichotomy they end up hating. Girls are girls- there are about 50% of them in the world. Don’t treat her like a good guy friend- trust me, lots of beer and midnight games of Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball will not go well with her (for the most part). She doesn’t want to be “another guy” to you- remember, there are plenty of guys you can enjoy that sort of stuff with- she’s the only one you can have sex with (in the strictest sense). Even worse, avoid treating her as some sort of token girl, revering her and acting as if she is some sort of enemy from the “normal” world. Too many girls get this treatment (Remember the term “Shotgun/Rocket Bitch” from the Quake/UT matches of yesteryear?)- and they detest it. Treat her like a girl- don’t leave her out of your gaming, but certainly don’t expect her to be a carbon clone of your gaming buddies.

2. Don’t White Knight her, unless you must.

During gaming, avoid being the “White Knight” by protecting her all the time in the game. In multiplayer shooting games, this gets old quickly- and trust me, she figures it out pretty fast. If you play games with her, make sure to teach her the controls and mechanics properly, but don’t feel like you have to babysit her in games- if she’s a gamer girl, she’ll figure out pretty quickly. It’s insulting for most girls to feel “protected” in games like that- especially if she’s leagues better than you at it.

There is one important exception to this- don’t gang up on her or let people berate her. Be relaxed if people begin to hit on her or flame her (trust me, it happens to every girl), but make sure to make a stand if some neckbeard begins getting creepy in private chat. Similarly, if you can, avoid playing AGAINST her (as in, if you can, play on her team or be cooperative)- she’ll feel challenged/threatened if you try to bring the smackdown every time you play.

3. Don’t obsess over gaming.

You may want to talk about it all the time, but like every other hobby, there is a limit. The biggest complaint I hear from “gamer girls” of any type is, simply enough, they get the overly obsessed guys who don’t know much else. There is a life other than gaming- and even if you have a ton of consoles at home and sat in line for the latest release of your favorite game, there are plenty of other things to talk about. As a rule of thumb, if you are on a date and can only talk about “geeky” things intelligently (and she’s not the one bringing them up), you have a problem.

4. Include her in your habits, create a healthy balance.

Don’t get terretorial about your gaming habits- while you may be used to playing alone, expect that she will want to be involved, so be open to the idea. Sure, you may want to play your new single player game alone, but expect she’ll want to play/watch- there’s nothing wrong with that. Newer games are more cinematic than ever, so even watching can be entertaining.

Still, don’t hog your gaming consoles. Sure, you may want to remove the hand that dares touch your PS3 the day you buy MGS4, but be willing to be flexible. She will want to play games just as much as you do- so be willing to hand over the controller/computer. Or make her sit on your lap naked, that works too.

5. Don’t bash Cosplay, Fandoms or cutesy games; they work to your favor.

Let me say this straight out. This is one of the biggest secrets of gaming:

Most of that fanart, including the nudes of game characters? All those pervy little fanfics?

A lot of those are written by WOMEN. Yes. Lots of girls like to cosplay, play cute games, and draw characters from video games. This is awesome. For one, encouraging more girls to dress up like Eva from MGS3 may be my life’s purpose (see my picture as to why). Even cutesy games can be beneficial to you- and hey, let’s face it, some of the most enjoyable games (Katamari Damacy, for one) are like that.

I normally refrain from being so blunt, but let me put it to you this way: Cosplay can be pretty damn hot. Making her cosplay semi-nude characters is even more so. Just saying, I’ll suck up my hate for the histrionic bitch cosplayers of the world if I get the “good” side of it.

6. Avoid making her a trophy.

This goes with #1, but it needs to be said again: she is not a trophy. Do not drag her to LAN parties and make her sit in the corner. Do not make her follow you around as you browse Gamestop. DO NOT BRING HER TO A LAUNCH OF A GAME AT MIDNIGHT AND MAKE HER SIT IN LINE FOR YOU FOR EVERYONE TO SEE (I’m looking at you, anonymous Metal Gear Solid 4 launch guy, she didn’t even know what the game was). Trust me, we are not impressed, we’re just feeling awkward from her “get me out of here” expression.

7. Overall, treat her like a normal girlfriend.

This applies to every single girl you will ever date, but I’ll say it in closing: treat her normally. She wants to go on dates, she’ll want thoughtful gifts on occasion, she wants to be treated like a girl, and she wants you to be her true love. She enjoys video games. That’s nice. Focus on things OTHER than her gaming habits- make her a girlfriend, not a buddy-that-happens-to-have-breasts, and you’ll do just fine.

Also, if any of you ever con her into playing Rez with the “Trance Vibrator”, I want to know. I will give you a manly high five.

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19 Responses to How to Date a Gamer Girl

  1. Anon says:

    >I will give you a manly high five.

    Is there any other kind?

  2. Bringing your girlfriend to a LAN and ignoring her the whole time is a grand tradition. To properly pull this off, you must make sure that the following conditions apply:

    1. She doesn’t have a computer there or access to a spare computer
    2. She doesn’t know anyone there
    3. She’s the only woman there
    4. You must completely ignore her the whole time and never let her on your computer to play

    If you succeed, she will love you for ever.

  3. Mikey says:

    Dude, dragging your girlfriend to a midnight release is a big no no. MGS4, some faggot’s girlfriend “What is this game? Is it even good? Why do they need a midnight release?!”

    It took a lot of tranquilizers to make sure I didn’t turn around and rape that woman.

  4. anonymous says:

    Seriously. Girlfriend @ geek events = NO!

    It makes it awkward for us all. Especially if you start sucking face in the middle of a heated deathmatch or some shit like that. (Actually had it happen numerous times at LAN parties.) Seriously, it’s hurtful to those of us who can’t have such conquests.

    Also, half of the time she’s a total bitch and treats the nerdy/geeky people like shit under her feet. (Again, this has happened to me.)

  5. [quote]Also, if any of you ever con her into playing Rez with the “Trance Vibrator”, I want to know. I will give you a manly high five.[/quote]

    I’m on it.

    Also, from girl to girl things do differ. My girlfriend will not take “being treated like a girl” and certainly loves creaming guys who treat her as such at SSBB. Likewise, some other girls are super-casual gamers in the strictest sense, and really only stick to maybe a couple Mario games or a mainstream fighter like Soul Caliber (or especially Guitar Hero and Rock Band now), so geeking out majorly in front of them is a big no-no. Believe it or not, not everyone plays games to be good at them or to win or to delve into the super deep mechanics fighting mechanics; most casual gamers (which I find a lot of girls who play games are) just want to have fun.

  6. Tenshi says:

    Seriously, as a girl gamer, I want to be taken to the lans, and PLEASE take me to the midnight openings, in fact, Im usually the first one there. Making sure I get one of the first games. or something.

    I’m a gamer, please treat me as such, but im a girl too!!! =D

  7. DOUKNOUKEM says:

    I just bought Rez today and my girlfriend is coming around tonight just to hang out, reckon I’ll give it a go. She’s not a hardcore gamer, but she’s into the Wii, DS and shit like that which is alright.

  8. Nico says:

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  9. Ireneryan says:

    My ex and I huddled under a blanket all night for the Wii release in the midst of winter. 3rd and 4th in our line. Then the turd left me for a non-gaming…no tit having…butch haircut skank….but i’m not mad about that….he took the Wii….now that I’m mad about.

  10. Tyciol says:

    I might not like a girl for long if she treated my friends like dirt for being gamers.

  11. Phraizche says:

    seriously… why would a so called “gamer girl” go bashing on other people for being gamers… and just as a suggestion to all girls… if you EVER go on a game server, please don’t act all ditzy, it just gets annoying.

  12. no says:

    Why would I want to date a female gamer? That’s just stupid. Hey, I know! I spend my entire career working at a computer. I spend a lot of my recreational time playing videogames. You know what would be awesome? Pairing up with a woman who also spends lots of time on the computer and playing videogames. That way whenever I DO want to do something other than be pre-occupied with technology, SHE won’t want to because SHE’LL be too wrapped up in her game or something.

    I have a MUCH better idea. Find a girl who will leave you the hell alone when it comes to the things you like and – preferably – while not deriding what you do for a living or recreation, doesn’t actually get into it herself. Maybe even a girl who doesn’t like computers or videogames in the least.

    If I need other people to enjoy my recreation time with… that’s what I have FRIENDS for.

  13. Roz says:

    Okay, I’m a Girl Gamer, and I absolutely LOVE games, but I don’t necessarily want to be treated all ‘girly’ and have to be reminded constantly that I’m female. Basically, instead of being called a ‘girl gamer’, I’d rather be called a ‘gamer’.

    I can woop ass on games and don’t just play casually for a few minutes or on ‘fluffy games’, I play seriously and not just for fun — I’m out to score those achievements too.

    Sure, I like RPGs a little more than pure shoot-outs, but let me tell you — I have a friend (a guy, yes) who was trying out one of my games and couldn’t get past this big boss battle, and so I took over and kicked their backsides and I hadn’t even tried before. It sounds like I’m boasting and up myself, I know, but I’m damn good at games and I enjoy it too.

    So yes, I’m a serious gamer but I’m not saying I’d try to show him up every time he played a game — I’m saying that I wouldn’t mind watching him play as well, and damn, if Mass Effect 3 came out at midnight you wouldn’t stop me being there. I wouldn’t diss his friends, in fact, I’d love to meet them. I obsess over gaming too (and am geeky as well), so constant gamer-speak doesn’t faze me.

    Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I’m going to screw up everything and start blabbing on about shoes or something — I only need one pair of shoes: my trainers.

    It also doesn’t mean I can’t be more than a friend or gamer buddy. And it doesn’t mean I’d intrude all the time if he just wanted to hang with his friends for a while. I have gamer buddies too, and my best friend is a girl gamer also.

    Basically, I don’t want to be treated like some sort of alien species who goes ‘huh?’ at games — I KNOW how to play games, and how to play them well. I don’t need to be ‘tutored’ on it, and yes, I don’t want to be ‘protected’ in gaming — after all, I’m a gamer who just happens to have a female body.

  14. Gnathonic says:

    “but I don’t necessarily want to be treated all ‘girly’ and have to be reminded constantly that I’m female. Basically, instead of being called a ‘girl gamer’, I’d rather be called a ‘gamer’.” – Roz
    Way to go Roz, mirroring my thoughts on the ideal female gamer mentality. I’d back you up but being male I’m not really suited for making statements from the perspective of a gamer who happens to be female.
    Interesting article, even if everything is pretty much the basics for relationships.
    1. she isn’t the same as your dude friends.
    2. don’t be overprotective. she has been doing just fine without you till now. don’t belittle her by acting as if she is incapable of fending off the standard troubles of life (or gaming in the case of the article above).
    3. don’t obsess over your hobbies. even if she is into them as well, you still need to do other stuff sometimes.
    4. you do stuff together now. ok so not all the time, but if she expresses interest in your hobbies or activities, don’t chase her away cause she is distracting you, include her.
    5. ok, so this one is kinda specific to anime, comic, and gaming culture. the closest thing I can think of is fashion, but I have a hard time convincing myself they are related… maybe I’d be more certain if I were dating a gamer or were female myself.
    6. Don’t treat her like an object. I’d like to think that only douche bags need this advice, but all the same. she is not a trophy for bragging, she is not your dog, or toy. she is a person and is every bit as capable of feeling hurt, bored, or annoyed as you. so before you do/say something with/about her, consider how you might feel if the roles were reversed.
    7. no need to generalize the advice, the article above says it pretty clearly. “This applies to every single girl you will ever date”

  15. DEI says:

    I’m not completely sure about point 2, I mean, if I’m playing a game that I’m experienced at with a friend who’s new to it I will usually mollycoddle them somewhat in the beginning, regardless of if they’re female or male (and they are almost exclusively male). I usually take the approach that if they are new then I will ‘babysit’ them until they tell me they don’t need me to be with them all the time.

    The rest of the points sit well with me.

  16. Pingback: Games Will Never Be Mainstream « GameCrashers

  17. Kovitlac says:

    Ha ha. For the record, I’d love to ‘get dragged to’ GameStop (especially if it’s the one I used to work at), and if anything, *I’d* be the one dragging HIM to a midnight launch. I know, it’s pretty sad. But true.

  18. Neurosys says:

    I love every woman who posted a comment to this. You all sound awesome.

    I just want a chick who can tolerate my habits and wont make that face everytime I get behind the machine. I’d say about 75% of my relationships since 1992 have never really had a great chance since what I was really into (CoMpUt0rZ!) was something they had no interest in ever sharing. Its clear, I’ve been picking the wrong ones but for the longest I really didn’t believe such cool women existed, I would have settled for a programmer or web designer lady to knock boots with, but a gamer?!? Now thats hawt.

    For most my life I thought it was normal for women to detest my tech/game hobbies. I have been so blind.

  19. Tea says:

    I have to say the one thing I dislike, being a gamer girl dating a gamer guy is that he refuses let me in vent or mumble with his guild because “he would feel awkward” or “he doesn’t trust them”. I mean I can handle the trolololing but apparently my gamer guy cannot. Whaat? He’s definitely overprotective. The weirdest part is that he won’t even play major games like SWTOR with me because he’s the kind of gamer that races to the top level whereas I take my time and enjoy the game while still whooping ass. I really don’t enjoy single player games all that much–I suppose because I get more enjoyment out of conquering other players rather than conquering a one-player game alone, in the dark, with no one to bask in the success with.
    He doesn’t even let me sit within in a foot of him while he raids. QQ
    …sometimes I feed him. Le sigh, the irony.

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