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Thinking About “Going Dutch?” Think Again…

Written by Christina, Friday, August 14th, 2015 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

goingdutch_2So you’ve come to the end of the night with your lovely lady, and the waiter steadily approaches you with your bill. Perhaps, you are the more chivalrous type. Without a second thought, you begin to reach for wallet, and then you hesitate. You wonder does she expect me to pay? Will she think that I am a chauvinist or a gentleman if I do? Or, should I suggest going half-in-half? After all, I am still just getting to know her.

In dating, to suggest “going dutch” is always a risky move. Especially during the early stages of a dating relationship, a woman will be accessing your every move to determine whether you are a good companion for her. “Going dutch” is not a wise choice if you are trying to initiate a romantic relationship for the following reasons:

  1. It kisses old-fashion chivalry good-bye. A good woman and a feminine one will never think that chivalry has gone out of style. In fact, it will be your chivalrous qualities and your gentlemanly charm that will be most certain to deepen her attraction for you. Offering to pay on dates and outings with your romantic interest demonstrates classic chivalry and will surely help you win her heart.
  2. It is the quickest way to get friend-zoned. Friends hang-out and then split the check. Friends take turns treating one other to events. However, this should not be the case in a man’s romantic pursuit. When a man wishes to initiate a romantic relationship with a woman, he must take the lead in such a way that clearly makes his romantic intentions known. By failing to do so, a woman will begin to view him as just a friend, a hang-out buddy, or a confidante, but not as a potential future lover.
  3. It depletes your masculine image. When a man asks a woman on a date, and then asks for her financial support when it is time to pay, he sends the message that he is not financial capable. It is true that some women really are gold-diggers only looking for a free meal. However, it is also true that it is part of a woman’s instinct to seek out men of resources, men, who are capable of supporting her. If you fail to show that you have what it takes to take care of her financially in small ways such as paying on dates, do you really believe she will think that you are capable of supporting her in even greater ways in the future?

Now, you may be wondering what if she offers to pay or suggests splitting the bill on her own accord. Well, first, after reflecting on the reasons above, if you wish to continue dating her, you might want to consider the following:

First, she could be testing you. A chivalrous man would never allow a woman to pay for herself on a date unless an emergency arose. Therefore, in this instance, she will be expecting you to refuse her offer. If you accept it, then you have failed, and you may have lost your chance with her.

Secondly, she may just be the more independent and assertive type of woman, who is accustomed to doing things for herself. You might find this attitude to be commendable and even sexy. However, you should beware of the fact that this attitude may be the tip of the iceberg of domineering personality type, which will cause you much headache and heartache in the future. To be sure, you should set your standard early on. If you wish to be the man in the relationship, state you intentions directly and insist on paying for the both of you. The ideal woman will be flattered and perhaps even taken aback. Nevertheless, she will find you even more attractive for having taken such a strong stance with her.  On the other hand, if she still refuses your offer or insists on paying, I would suggest running, while you still can. She either has already friend-zoned you, or she will later prove to be a thorn in your side because of her overly independent attitude. Save yourself the hassle and headache and move on to another dating prospect.

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