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Getting the Girl after the Fact

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Sunday, April 25th, 2010 in Q&As

Recently, I asked a girl out who I thought was interested in me, but she said no. I’m normally over these types of things, but she is very special to me and I really want to win her back. Is there any way I can do this?

While I obviously can’t guarantee you success, I can tell you it’s possible — but you’re going to have to be patient.

The thing is, we can safely presume you were turned down for some reason — however, it doesn’t always have to be because of you specifically. You can be rejected for a bevy of reasons that can be ultimately fixed — she may have someone else she’s dating (or wants to date), she may be in a bad position in her life, she may not know you well enough, or she may have just had a bad day. Frankly, there is a possibility it is related to you (in the she-just-isn’t-that-into-you sense), but there’s also an almost equally valid chance you just chose the bad time or the wrong opportunity.

The best thing you can possibly do is simply take a breather. At best, it’s the wrong time for her for whatever reason, and you simply need to wait it out. At worst, she’s not into you, and you need some time to re-fashion your image in her eyes, or at least let her get used to you. Going back to her and trying to push the issue will unquestionably backfire on you — so patience is really gonna be the game.

Wait it out. Date other people. Relax. Work on yourself. Don’t become excessively focused on her. With some girls, all it takes is a display that you don’t need her to make you more worthy in her eyes. There’s nothing you can really do to make her want you other than to make yourself more desireable — so work on that, don’t try to force the issue with her. One of the biggest issues the typical guy has when he’s really into a girl is that he makes himself too easy — in other words, he makes it too easy for her to pick him. Doing so actually is somewhat of a turn-off for most girls — they don’t want the “easy” pick, and they think you’re desperate. If you make yourself scarce and show that, though you asked her out, you’re not terribly torn up by it, you’ll make sure this is not an issue.

In any case, distancing yourself is probably the best option. Again, it’s pretty impossible to know why she won’t date you, but either way, the best thing you can do is  take a hands-off approach and try much later down the road.

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