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Reading a Friendship

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Thursday, April 2nd, 2009 in Q&As

I have a friend I’ve known for about 6 years now and her and I are pretty close. We share a lot of interests and have enough differences to keep it all interesting. Recently though we talked about our friendship and feelings and while she likes me the same as I do her, she doesn’t want to go out with me, but she’s still willing to date others. Should I take this as a sign to do the same?

You know, I hate the idea of the “friend zone”, but as much as I hate it, it’s pretty clear you’re in it right now.

The fact of the matter is, both girls and guys have different rubrics that they use for finding a lover than they do a friend. As I’ve told many people before, what you see on paper is oftentimes irrelevant to making a real connection- because a lot of romance and chemistry, and no matter how many video games you both like or how many things you enjoy doing together, without the proper connections, the romance goes nowhere, and you’re not so much dating as going through the motions of romance. There’s always the possibility she may be simply doing it because you’re TOO close- which is always viable, and a typical pitfall- but still, you can’t do much about it.

What I mean by the above is simple: it’s probably fairly clear that you are not her type romantically. As a friend, yes, but not as a lover. This does not make you a bad person or unworthy or anything, it just means she looks for something different. I can name a few girls that I know personally that I’m personally good friends with, but quite literally go for the worst guys they can (drug-addicted unemployed idiots)- sometimes, it just makes no sense.

Even if you do like her, I recommend you date others, and not people you both know. Like I say like some sort of insane mantra on here, date for the sake of dating. The worst thing you can do is hang onto her and basically whine about how she doesn’t like you- go date others and see how you change. DO NOT, under any circumstances, develop self-pity and worry about how she doesn’t like you, as this does nothing but make you more unattractive. Relax, enjoy other girls, and don’t get hung up on one girl who got away.

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