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Talking to new Girls

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 in Q&As

How can I talk to a girl who I’ve seen around but never spoken to, without looking like a freak?

Do what everyone else does: bring up meaningless crap and avoid trying to be the next Casanova.

In most social situations (waiting in a line, for example), people are amazingly receptive to talk- girls are no exception. The irony of this is that most guys have the perception that randomly talking to the opposite sex (on any topic) is “creepy” or “odd”- which is absolutely not true. In reality, oftentimes, it is actually creepier/more freakish to not bring up conversation or otherwise proverbially breathe down someone’s neck.

The best way to start a random conversation is to just start the conversation about something meaningless and segue onto something from there. While the weather may be a bit stereotypical, that’s the kind of discussion you want- even if it’s asking a question you already know the answer to. Find something random- be it the situation, the weather, even something like what she’s wearing- and start the conversation. As meaningless as it may be, it is enough inertia to get real conversations started.

One note, though- do not use pickup lines or try to be a pickup artist, especially in casual situations. Most guys, when overconfident in their ability to pick up women, begin to use canned pickup lines or other “techniques”- a very bad idea. There is virtually nothing you can say to a girl the first time you meet them that will wet their panties, so don’t even bother trying to come up with some. Cute meaningless conversation is your happy place.

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4 Responses to Talking to new Girls

  1. anon says:

    Smile and keep your shoulders relaxed. Talk slowly and clearly. Make eye contact. Talk about whatever you want, because that part doesn’t matter much, as long as it isn’t gross or boring. The time you were deriving the fundamental theorem of calculus, really both parts, not just the one, while taking a massive crap is not proper subject matter. Pick topics that everyone is interested in like funny things that happened the other day or vacations.

  2. anon says:

    Oh and it’s terrifying for every guy, not just you. Think of something to talk about ahead of time, not when you’re both standing there and you want to talk but can’t simultaneously work through the fear and think of something to say.

  3. Vince says:

    Also consider something like ‘The Game’ (by Neil Strauss)

    It’s a good read and goes in to being confident with yourself, some pick-up line stuff also but if you can see the underlying messages (of self-confidence and good self-image) then talking to new girls becomes easier.

    For me personally the advice moved from just girls to all aspects of life, jobs and socialising especially.

  4. RHM says:

    If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you.

    For you see, the ones attracted to you want to spend time with you. They make it easy. Many guys experience frustration because the object of their attention won’t reciprocate.

    She doesn’t return may calls
    She doesn’t return my texts in a timely manner
    She is always too busy to get together

    What if you didn’t worry about any one particular woman?

    There is only one way to make this happen without wasting your time on the phone pursuing every attractive woman with your preoccupation for the next great conversational scheme to spark her passive interest.

    The powerful phrase: Next, please.

    There are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s a famous line to console the lovelorn, but a fact indeed for those that don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of the one that got away.

    Okay, you may concede my point, but you still feel that talking to a lot of women is difficult.

    There are only two hurdles to abundance:

    1) where to find women
    2) what to say to women

    Get ready to leap over hurdle #1.

    Women are everywhere. Bars, clubs, lounges, college bars, college campuses, grocery stores, shopping malls, business mixers, social happy hours, networking events, and the list goes on. They are even at work. But, for the sake of your gainful employment… don’t hit on those women, just practice talking to them. Here’s the secret… ready? Get off your ass and out the door.

    Okay, throw that leg forward over hurdle #2.

    Pickup lines are corny, creepy, or needy and usually some combination of the three. Normal conversation is socially acceptable and effective. You heard me right. Social dialogue is what people have after they get through the corny, creepy, or needy pickup game. I am here to let you know that you can take 5 minutes to travel the tunnel through the mountain instead of winding around the dangerous, steep pass for 30 minutes.

    Women have no trouble “processing attraction,” they do it all the time. All you need to do is to have an acceptable exchange. She already decided in the first 30 seconds of meeting you, if you were sponge-worthy. If she’s not into you, you can politely end the interaction with your social value and dignity in tact. If she’s into you, she will let you know with her enthusiasm and her body language.

    If you don’t know how to have normal conversation, get some help.

    Do you know any friends that are good at social dialogue? I think you should spend more time with them.

    Do you have any friends that make people feel weird and uncomfortable? Do they do outlandish things with their clothing and behavior to garner attention? I think you should spend less time with them.

    You might need to seek out seek out some expertise.

    Talk to enough women and you will find the ones attracted to you.

    RHM

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