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Stalkers and Stalking

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Saturday, March 19th, 2011 in Q&As

I need your help! I have a girl I know who is stalking me. What should I do?

First off, if things get too serious, you need to contact a lawyer and look into the anti-stalking laws of your state/country. To my knowledge, every US state has some form of anti-stalking law — while it may not be of use to you in your particular situation, consulting with someone doesn’t hurt. Naturally, if the stalking is dangerous/severe enough to require a lawyer, I’d recommend taking defensive actions — don’t hang around idly and open yourself up to anything you don’t have to. Though stereotypically women who stalk men are considered to be less dangerous/problematic than men who stalk women, stereotypes like that rarely reflect reality, and you don’t want to chance any sort of dangerous situations.

As for more everyday stalking, there are a few things you can do. Because most “stalkers” are merely very confused people with good intentions, one of the best things you can do with someone is take a stand and make your position on their behavior unequivocally clear — responding to a creepy e-mail or text or something with “Please stop contacting me, I’m not interested” usually works. If you want to be kinder and more subtle about it, talk to the stalker’s friends and acquaintances. Often, such friends and acquaintances are in a better position to convince the stalker of their errant ways. If you really want to be subtle and kind, just make yourself scarce and unavailable — being short and cold in conversation usually helps.

A final note: for men, it is often very difficult to handle such situations because of the underlying sexual element of stalking like this. Even if you have had sex with someone like this at some point, do not have sex with this girl again. What you may interpret as a fling or a one-night-stand may be interpreted by another as some sort of budding relationship. Avoid causing such confusion.

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