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Every so often, I recieve an e-mail with the same topic- hit-it-and-quit-it books. You’ve probably seen them in the “self help” section of your local bookstore- books like The Game by Niel Strauss, Double your Dating by David DeAngelo, ridiculously huge tomes like The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, and even more “hidden” self-help books such as The Professional Bachelor by Brett Tate. All of these books are rather similar- they bill themselves as masters of the female psyche, with complex diagrams (or terminologies or even straight out pickup lines) that claim to teach you how to be the “ultimate” guy- a guy with a little black book filled full of sex toys ready to make love to him on his beck and call.

These books are virtual powerhouses- making tons of money for the writers, launching them into relative fame- giving them precedent to hold expensive seminars all over the US (and in some cases, overseas as well), claiming to have the true way to fame. These man are making big money trying to teach men how to get laid and get out without relationships- a strategy known now as “Hit it and Quit it”. And they are making big money, too.

So it’s time for me to respond and put my neck out on the line. Instead of being the casual writer I usually am, I’m going to do something bold: I’m going to be one of the first people to tear apart these authors, and I’m going to explain precisely why they are full of crap. Inevitably, when I’m done with this article, I want you to know one single thing: there is no formula for the female mind, nor is there some magical theory that will get you laid. Men who participate in “hit it and quit it” die lonely lives, and while the idea of frequent sex may be illustrious, it’s more of a fantasy than anything else. Without love, sex is nothing more than a hollow shell of what it can be.

Part 1: A Peek into the Popular Books

I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. — Woody Allen

Before I begin truly tearing into these books, I think it will be fair for us to examine these books for their face value- and what they bill to customers. So, with no further adieu, let’s take a look at what you may find in your everyday bookstore:

The Game and The Mystery Method by Neil Strauss

Both The Game and The Mystery Method are both the most popular books on the market today- and that’s an amazing accomplishment. Strauss predominantly tells the story of his own “induction” into the society of pickup artists (whom he abbreviates to PUAs), putting himself down in the introduction in presumably an attempt to “level” with his readers. Strauss bills himself as something of a student, the book feeling much like a rendition of Star Wars with the Jedi concept replaced with picking up women.

The real meat of The Mystery Method is simple- “Neg” your target (as in, lower her value in her mind), show value of yourself by being unique and interesting, and the ultimate goal is, presumably, “Same Night Lays”, as the Mystery Method site sells training for. This also includes help with “Peacocking”, a theory which states that you should, among other things, dress extremely ostentatiously (with ridiculous hats, necklaces, etc) to catch attention.

The Game goes so far as to create distinct lists of what you should carry in your “prop bag” (a bag with stuff to pick up women with). In this bag, among other things:

• Gum
• Condoms
• 1 Pencil, 1 Pen
• Dryer Lint (to fake taking it off your target’s clothing)
• Preselected photos
• A digital camera
• Tic-Tacs
• Lip balm, coverup, eyeliner, blotting paper
• 3 pages worth of pickup lines
• Wooden runes for “Rune reading”
• A notebook for numbers (hopefully one per page so the girls don’t pick up on it)
• A glow-in-the-dark necklace (to presumably look like a fool)
• Fake ear and lip piercings (to seem “hardcore”)
• A small tape recorder (to record your failures)

Clearly, Strauss claims to have the ultimate idea (as well as the ultimate mix for your man-purse, I guess). Strauss has sold these books like crazy- and gets good ratings, with over 370 “5” ratings on Amazon.com.

Double Your Dating (and related books) by David DeAngelo

“Women don’t make sense”. As simple as the first chapter, David DeAngelo sets the tone for his entire book. DeAngelo approaches the subject matter from a much more mysoginistic perspective, claiming that most women are attracted to things like fame, money, and power- and essentially claims that, among other things, the way to pick up women is to act masculine and to develop a “personality” that works with her. In the biggest sense, DeAngelo encourages his readers to throw away insecurities and fears, and to simply be outgoing and masculine.

Of course, this comes with it’s own interesting twist- it expects you to, in essence, entirely change your personality in unique ways. David DeAngelo wants you to draw the women to yourself- make them call you, hang up on them first, but be persistent when the time is right. He also, much like other writers, provides a general list of ways to determine if a woman is interested- from body language to intonation.

Overall, DeAngelo is not pertainedly for the idea of bar pickup routines, but he’s fairly close- he recommends basically just acting aloof and stand-offish, while secretly wanting the sex anyway.

Of course, DeAngelo’s Double Your Dating wasn’t his only work- with numerous books, tapes, and workbooks, he has since extended his realm out to many minute parts of dating- even so far as a tape to work on your “cocky comedy”. DeAngelo is one of the prime abusers of seminars and workshops, holding them all across the country- and he’s making big bucks doing it.

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The Art of Seduction is all about subterfuge- finding a “role” or a personality type and playing it up, teaching what essentially amounts to manipulation. Written by the same guys touting how to gain “power”, The Art of Seduction reads much like a tome on how to dominate others in normal society and, presumably, to seduce anyone they like (or have the confidence to, at least).

One of the main ideas of The Art of Seduction, explicitly stated or not, is that people can and should be exploited if you can figure out how. In a way, that’s the purpose of the entire book- how to teach you to exploit other people for your own gain- in this case, sex, in other books by the same author, power or fame.

Part Two: Advice, and how to not take it.

A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice. –James Callaghan

As someone who writes advice on WellCultured on the time, allow me to insult myself and everyone else in my profession: advice is sometimes wrong and limited to the writer’s experience. When someone tells you that the best way to do something is a certain structure, pattern, or order (even me), you should always take it with a grain of salt- and be willing to re-examine it in new ways. Never take things on face value.

Now, let me go into the details of these books- and why you shouldn’t necessarily be jumping to pay the hundreds of dollars it costs to get their “best’ advice.

First off, let me be straightforward. Women are not algorithms, they have never been and never will be. Using specific guides on exactly how to pick up women (such as charts, pre-made lines, etc) is foolish, and trust me, most girls recognize it. More women are reading these books than the authors would like to admit, and many of them can spot wannabe Pick-up Artists from a mile away.

However, there are some redeeming things to some of these books. Much like I have written about in both the guide and on the main site, confidence and willingness to be a man go a long way with women, no matter the situation. Few women want a guy who is absolutely afraid to talk to her (trust me, if they want that, there are plenty of guys out there)- so I can absolutely agree with the concept that you should be cool and confident.

But does that truly mean you need seminars, tape recitals, and 400-page books? Absolutely not- in fact, having them can hamper your “game” more than anything else. The most obvious issue with inundating your mind with these algorithms and plans is simple- you will be recognized (be it by recognizing your pickup lines or something as ridiculous as your date seeing a dating manual in your apartment). Rather, it can be much worse- you can pick up their culture, something I would not wish on any normal person.

Let’s not kid around- people like Neil Strauss and David DeAngelo are not geniuses at love. They may be talented at the pickup (or simply talented at selling themselves), but their experience only goes so far. Neither men are truly experienced to a loving, kind relationship that can come from serious dating or a true relationship- and that’s exactly why they seem to treat such relationships as an end rather than a beginning. These men only know the attempt at picking up “beautiful women” in an attempt to fill holes in their lives or to lessen insecurities about themselves- not how to manage and maintain a beautiful, good relationship for more than just giggles and sex.

Let me say it straight: these men are misogynistic. Be it that they admit it or not, they make women into items, proverbial rewards to win and notches in their bedposts. Women are simply an opposite sex of men- they are not trophies nor are they lesser beings- and their mental processes are very similar to our own to the point of being remarkably similar (except minor hormonal things). They are not stupid, they are not strange, nor are they confusing: they simply need to be understood within a rational lens, one that does not consider the prime of all relationships to be a one night stand.

Furthermore, seduction is the farthest thing you could ever need. Sure, it’s fun to bandy around with the idea (it certainly makes sexy Vampire stories), but real life love rarely comes from seduction routines. True seduction does not require falsifying your history or pretending- it comes from being attractive with personality and being unique. That’s not saying you should not improve yourself- hell, that’s exactly what you need to do- but falsifying yourself only leads to problems.

One of the best lines I have ever heard on the subject (which we used to have displayed prominently on our guide) is simple: “Don’t wanna pick up hollaback girls? Don’t go to bars and try to pick up girls”. That’s as simple as it can get: unless you want to pick up shallow girls, don’t pick them up with these methods. Virtually every one of the books mentioned above (well, all of them, really) are tailor made to pick up your typical valley girl- not the kind of girl any geek wants (let’s fact it, most of the girls in these situations I’ve met cannot spell, let alone discuss anything other than TV shows)- do you really want that?

Part 3: The no-BS culture of Pickup Artists

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. -Leslie Nielsen

This section, if anything else, is the most important part of this article.

Pickup Artists are not illustrious people. They are not living and breathing James Bond figures. Pickup artists are people that, simply put, grasp at straws trying to fill holes. They are people who live their lives in the attempt to find love, and they fill that lack of love with one night stands and ridiculous attempts at finding relationships that work.

In a way, the most telling way to understand this is the movie Alfie, one of the movies I mentioned as one of our 15 fashionable movies for men. In both the original film and the remake with Jude Law, the movie shows what the truth is of being a pickup artist- and it’s nothing as illustrious as you would think. Being a pickup artist is always about being someone who is, in essence, a slave to physical needs. Pickup artists take the second seat to true relationships- they are the flings before true relationships.

Let me give you a good example. I knew a good friend who used to consider himself a pickup artist- a man who knew exactly what he wanted: sex. Naturally, we disagreed on the nature and thoughts of women, but I simply enjoyed his company and liked to know what he was up to, if only because I wanted to know when his train would end- and it did. Thankfully, it didn’t end with any (permanent) sexual diseases- but right now, he’s single, physically destroyed, and empty. His pickup routines won’t help the fact that he’s now past the time he can go to bars and pick up beautiful women- and in all of that work, he never picked up someone that actually loved him.

When we on Well Cultured talk about relationships, we talk about love. Sure, we enjoy sex and the thrill of dating and finding new women to date, but you will never hear us advocate one night stands or “flings”. The reason for it is exactly as I explained above: because, simply, one night stands, “peacocking” and “cocky funny” is not a way to live life. Utilize your true personality, don’t fake it, and find a girl whom you can love for more than the physical aspects. You may not completely understand us now, but trust me: when you see people in your highschool or college years in the future, with their third wives/husbands and various personal issues, you will understand: you didn’t need some Pickup Artist’s help anyway.

Tags: Dating, Double Your Dating, girls, Hit it and Quit It, The art of Seduction, The Game, The Mystery Method, The Professional Bachelor