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I have covered online dating profile creation before for a very big reason: many guys now utilize such services for dating. It’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about- a surprising percentage of adults now use online dating services of various import to find love, and it’s shaping up to be the new face of dating in a big way. Because of this, crafting an attractive profile is paramount- so here are 6 ways to fundamentally improve your profile and, implicitly, your chances of getting a date in the future.

1 – Have good pictures, improve them whenever possible

I cannot stress this topic enough: have good pictures and make damn sure they are recent, interesting, and flattering. At least one of these pictures should be a good facial shot, and at least one of these shots should be a not-too-blatant shot of your body. Both of these are absolutely essential.

Under no circumstances should you ever post “myspace shots” (odd angles, mirror shots in the bathroom, etc), pictures of yourself that are edited in photoshop, or group shots that make your identity difficult to ascertain or imposing. Never take photos wearing sunglasses, hats, or other items that may indicate creepiness or being in a state of balding. Do not try to show of “the guns”, that’s stupid. The best photos are ones that are flattering and attractive without being staged, usually taken in interesting places or scenarios (meaning you are an interesting person), and ones that, while not blatant about it, show yourself in enough contexts to show your general looks, including your body shape. Feel free to throw in any conversation starting photos, pending they are legitimate conversation starters: pictures of yourself in your mother’s basement in a kimono carrying a katana you purchased online is not a conversation starter as much as it is very excellent woman repellent.

This should not need mentioning, but I will do so anyway: no nude photos or “sexy photos” or anything even possibly related to those categories. For one thing, you will not do them right. For another thing, they are usually not attractive to women for a bevy of reasons. Do not bother.

2 – Detail is nice, but mystery is also important

Yes, you absolutely must put information on your profile: generally, the more, the better. However, there is a limit to the amount of information you can put on- and at a certain point, you seem excessively wordy and really really boring.

The best example most people are guilty of is posting excessively long lists of favorite movies, music, or books. While these are, much like pictures, phenomenal conversation starters, these also don’t represent you very well, and should be kept relatively terse in terms of other information about you. In a very similar vein, do not post long blocks of information about your past relationship history, your work history, your scholastic achievements, or the like. Frankly, no-one wants to read that, and such information is best divulged gradually through conversation, not explosively through huge swaths of text online. Feel free to go into detail about yourself from a wide angle: just don’t go too deep.

3 – Avoid negativity

Under no circumstances should you ever be negative in your profile- that includes any sort of deriding comment, bitchy rant, or even a long list of requirements you have for women.

The reason for this is fairly obvious: negativity breeds negativity, and you want the reader of your profile to come off with a good taste, not a bad one. There is absolutely no reason you should complain on a stupid short dating website profile. If you want to learn the effect of this negativity, go find a girl’s profile with a lot of complaining on it- undoubtedly, you’ll find her stuck-up, slightly unsavory, and possibly even outright bitchy. If you have issues with the wrong kind of women (or men) sending messages to you, deal with them quietly and without much fanfare.

Do not lie and fill the profile with excuses as to why you are on a dating site. No-one believes your friend dared you to go on the website. No-one believes you came on the site as a joke or on a lark. Few will believe you if you say you came on to see who you got matched up with for “laughs”. Be outright and cop to your interest in dating: no-one is being fooled.

Furthermore, avoid posting stuff that most would find aversive. As I implied above, no creepy Japanophile crap. Do not run your mouth about your creepy fetishes, interests, or obsessions. Do not mention mental disorders. Mention diseases only if necessary (always mention things like AIDS, herpes, and the like- pretending they are not there does not make them disappear). Do not imply any sort of Oedipal connection to your mother, or otherwise confess any sort of strange obsession or situational issue. Indeed, you should mention if you still live with your parents and do not have a job or otherwise have colloquially “failed to launch”- just keep the information terse, do not try to weave a sorrowful tale of your own ineptitude.

Also, a quick addendum: under no circumstances should you ever say a phrase along the lines of “I just got out of a bad relationship” or “Looking for a real woman” or “I want something real“. These are all subversive ways of indicating a bad relationship history, which is not only negative, but incredibly off-putting. No-one wants to be a rebound or a “repair girl”.

4 – Avoid stating the pointless/obvious/common

As mentioned above, everyone on dating sites likes to excessively list favorite music, movies, and similar “favorites”. Further, dating websites tropes exist- little phrases and concepts that seemingly everyone says that, after being repeated so ridiculously often, mean utterly nothing in the big picture. Discard them.

You only need to look at other profiles to see what I’m talking about: get rid of phrases like “fun-loving”, topics like how you’re “just a romantic”, boring repetitive crap like “I’m just a laid back person”, and anything else that you see on other profiles. Don’t insert inane inside jokes, pointless “shout outs” to friends, or other things that will be nothing more than stumbling blocks to the streamlined presentation of you. Trust me, if you don’t delete such useless text, other people will mentally delete it for you.

5 – Don’t be hyper-exclusive

Avoid making excessive lists of demands about your potential date. This is not only negative (see above) but also just really really prohibitive to finding interesting people.

It’s not uncommon to see many profiles laden with what are veritable laundry lists of demands, ranging from “must like [sports team]” to “must be a good cook”. These requirements are basically trash: they are ridiculous requirements that really are not necessary in the search of finding a good mate. Get rid of them. No-one finds it clever that you require liking a band to dating you: rather, it looks arrogant and pigheaded, like a child who refuses to play with other children unless they have the same toys. Open up the “range” of possible dates in virtually every sense- ethnicity, age, locale (within reason), political affiliation, and the like. You’ll be surprised the bevy of amazing people you will find.

6 – Be active and aggressive

This is the defining line between the people who end up making dating sites work for them and others who complain about them not working. Aggressiveness is everything.

Do not be, in the terms of the Japanese, a herbivorous man. Sitting around on a dating site expecting women to come to you is a losing battle: the dating world is still very much a hunter-prey system, with men firmly cemented into the role of the hunter. Because of this, you- yes, you- are expected to initiate contact, continue discussions, and pursue dates. When you want a dating site to work for you, if you pay for it or not, you need to be willing to get on often, message people often, change your profile and pictures often (even if entirely arbitrarily), and  generally consider the entire affair an active process, not a passive one. You are not paying a matchmaker; it is entirely up to you to find your mate- a dating site is merely an advanced tool.

So basically, get your butt out there and work at it. It’s that simple.

I always wonder what people think of meeting girls online. I have terrible luck at meeting girls off the net and find it so much easier to get to know them over the net. I know most of my friends shun on meeting girls online so I tend to avoid telling them about someone I’m talking to.

The other problem with the net is it’s so hard to find someone in your area, especially if you don’t live in a city. After many years of looking I’ve yet to find someone in my own state, and I’m not a fan of “long distance relationships”, because they work so rarely. I know there are dating sites out there that give an alright chance of meeting someone who’s looking for a guy and also lives near by, but most, at least in Australia, charge a ridiculous amount just to send messages. I’m fine spending money on a girl, just not $10 a message talking to one.

Allow me to throw my two cents in.

The problem with modern society nowadays is that we are very very secluded and separated. Thanks to television, the Internet, movies, and other forms of entertainment, our society has the dubious benefit of being able to stay inside away from people essentially forever. People in the 18-30 age range, generally the most eligible age range, are secluding themselves away with this technology- I can name numerous men and women I know who don’t even bother going out to social functions- they work, they go home, and they sleep. Unfortunately, this places a hell of a lot of strain on the dating scene- where in years before you could easily find people through various social functions and groups, now it’s gotten a little bit harder, even if you DO go to said functions.

That being said, I have nothing wrong with looking for dates on the Internet. It’s new technology and it’s great. Meeting people online is a great way to connect intellectually with someone before you do physically, and for women, it provides a safe barrier to real life that allows one to (effectually and ineffectually) screen daters. Basically, internet dating websites are now what matchmakers were years and years ago, just much more intelligent and not so creepy. Sure, dating websites are often made fun of and considered creepy, but when you consider the other popular option- going to some bar and hitting on inebriated women/men- it seems sterile in comparison. Don’t be embarrassed you are on a dating website- just be glad your idea of finding a soul mate isn’t finding the drunkest and hottest bird in the bar.

So far as finding women in your area/finding an affordable site, there are some options you have.

First off, yes, there may be a small amount of women in your area. It’s pretty much that way outside of huge cities like New York or San Francisco. The only advice I can give you is to contemplate traveling (long distance relationships work better now than they ever have- just be willing to meet twice a month or so) and find more dating websites. Both of these are hard- the former can be a hit on your wallet and wear your car to pieces, the latter can mean you have to go hunting for free stuff (or, like the former, pay a lot of money). Once you make one profile, there’s nothing saying you can’t copy+paste your ass all over the Internet.

Second off, understand that some of the best dating sites require payment. This is a good thing (in a way). Like World of Warcraft, making people pay for a service, even if it’s $.50, cuts out a HUGE percentage of spam, fakeposts, and other kinds of bullcrap. With increased security like that, you can be relatively assured that the person in the photo is somewhat legitimate- just look at Craigslist if you want an example of what happens when you don’t expect payment. Still, there are plenty of websites (notably OkCupid, one of the more popular ones) that are free-like-beer- check them out.

In any case, good luck. Finding a date, online or not, is a pain.

Let me confess. I have a bad habit- I browse Craigslist. No, not because I’m off looking for some “hot chika” to bone, but because I find it absolutely fascinating. Between the poorly written lines and the sexually charged rants I find something amazing- the truth. The unbridled, honest-to-god truth. Craigslist is where you find out about the real underbelly of a community, and really get to learn what people are looking for- and frankly, it’s scary.

But there’s a lot to be learned from Craigslist, especially in the dating scene. m4w (Men for Women) posts are filled with mistakes and errors, but somehow they educate us as to what not to become- and similarly, w4m (Women for Men) posts tell us so much about what to avoid.

So, with no further introduction, I present to you a list of life lessons from Craigslist.

Life Lesson 1: Bad jobs (and kids) are deal-killers.

Yes, this sounds crude, but it’s quite honest- no matter your age, no-one wants to talk to a divorced father of three who works at Wal-Mart, even if he’s a greek god. Frankly, too many men exist in the world who are of the “bad job, bad decisions in highschool/college” demographic, and it seems like they all exist on Craigslist. You can probably find some of your own in your local hometown- just look for the guys with the photos with a Midlife Crisis-mobile (usually a Ford Mustang) and/or a hat to hide their balding hair.

The lesson here? Focus on your life more and other things improve too. Be impressive, not normal. Making good decisions in life and being a straight up normal guy will make you more attractive than being a walking mortgage with a penis. No-one says you have to be a high profile big money attorney, but be something unique- don’t become someone desperately looking for love before their geriatric years.

Life Lesson 2: Some girls are scary.

There’s always been this mistaken assumption that most women are attractive, awesome people. You can no doubt imagine forum posts talking about how “women don’t like me ;_;” or something, ranting about how all women just ignore people because they are all good looking elitests.

No.

Some girls are, frankly, scary. 45 year old married women who are looking for a boytoy are frankly a little messed up. Similarly, 20 year old drug addicts who need someone to be a stable force in their life are a little messed up. On Craigslist, if you have a fake e-mail account or two (which is fun), you can so quickly find out how those seemingly attractive asian girls who are looking for “true love” are really incarcerated nutjobs who want you to be the slave to their master as they talk about furry porn.

Of course, this doesn’t always apply. I know some great girls who use Craigslist- I’m not exactly sure why the hell they do so, but whatever. You can find a diamond in the rough. Of course, you could always theorize if you jump into the New York City Sewer system and sift through enough, you’ll find a diamond ring someone accidentally flushed down- eventually.

Life Lesson 3: It’s all about being everything but desperate.

Desperation is a major turn off- and I mean, one that makes you want to vomit. When guys are desperate, girls know- it radiates from you like bad cologne, permiating every action you make with that disgusting feeling of “he’s doing it for the chicks, and he’s doing it poorly”.

The idea here is, desperation (and, as a subset of desperation, excessive neediness, high demands, foolish presumptions, misplaced arrogance, and the like) comes off with one single message: This guy can’t get other girls, and I doubt I’d want him either. It’s as simple as that.

There’s one guy on my local Craigslist who embodies this example so well I’ve debated about linking him (but I value keeping my own privacy too much anyway, as little of that exists now since some of you internet detectives have been working). His posts are long (as in, five pages on MS Word), needlessly wordy, and scream desperate- including a list of things he “expects” from girls, nicely bulleted in poorly done HTML. On top of that, he includes photos of himself, complete with photoshopped abs after he photoshopped his head on what appears to be a Gap model.

Does that guy sound attractive? Hell no. Girls will not find him attractive. Sure, those six pack abs could be real and he could be the next great maximalist writer (I hate you James Joyce), but that won’t matter because it all combines to be something that appears totally desperate. You can almost hear the heavy breathing.

Life Lesson 4: Your body doesn’t matter much.

For the “legitimate dating sections” (i.e. that-which-is-not-the-sex-section), your body does not matter. Hell, even in the “casual encounters” (i.e. sex) section, body doesn’t matter much. So long as you are reaonably fit and healthy, you are an attractive person.

Check out your casual encounters section (if you can stomach it). RARELY do you see women who actually ask for pictures of your naked body- in fact, your face is #1. Why? Because no-one presumes (or wants) you to be Buff Slabchest, Creatine and Muscle Milk drinking extroidinaire. Most girls are turned on by intelligence and personality much quicker than they are how big you are in the pants.

Of course, there are exceptions. This rule doesn’t apply to size queens, nor does it apply to some women who just demand way too much. Of course, as I’ve said before, I never encourage dating these girls, mostly because for all the standards they posess, even if you can match them up, they rarely meet them themselves. Go for the ones that don’t realize their own good looks, it’s like a party and you’re the only one invited.

Life Lesson 5: Why so Serious?

Stop dating “for serious”. While most people on Craigslist post something to the effect of “looking for no drama/no games”, this is generally read as a sign of “I had a bad relationship and need something new”. Hell, even saying “long term relationship” seems a bit awkward. So what’s a guy to do?

Stop being so serious.

I’m quite honest, here. Stop dating “for serious”. Craigslist is the perfect example of why you should always take everything with little expectations: everyone is lying anyway.

Never expect the girl you’re dating to be “the one”. Never expect a first date to be a show-stopper. If you mess up, don’t dwell on it- just take it in your stride. With around 50% of the world populated with women, even if you make a massive ass of yourself on a date (purposefully or accidentally), you can always make it up later- taking life too seriously will just make those itmes harder to handle.

As I’ve mentioned before in “friend zone” articles, the best way to get over being serious is to just start dating different girls. One date isn’t a signature of a relationship, so give a few girls a shot and see what you like. Don’t expect sex, marriage, or life partnership- just mess around and see what you can do. It’s a good excuse to go out at night, and you always can just stop returning phone calls.

Life Lesson 6: Men are hunters. Get used to it.

No matter if you blame it on the time it takes to have children or simply society’s way of making women act standoffish, the world of dating inevitably sets up women as prey, men as hunters. It is rarely (if ever) the other way around.

That’s about it. Go check out the men-for-women sections, then the women-for-men. See the difference? You have learned. Women are rarely made to actually fight for a date, and they don’t- not on Craigslist nor in real life. Why should they fight for it when it comes straight to their door?

The lesson from this is simple: you have to be the factor that begins the relationship. Relationships rarely fall into your lap, you have to work at them. Sure, ideally, you’ll run into a girl who’s perfect for you with no planning- but hell, even this rarely works. Stack the odds, cheat the game, and get the girl- get ahead of every other guy. If Craigslist is proof, there are very few women as it is.

Life Lesson 7: The world is a very scary place.

Okay, in closing, though I enjoy it in some sense, Craigslist scares the living hell out of me.

Craigslist is a perfect example of why half the world is screwed up. Craigslist proves that if you give people semi-anonymity and a way to vent, you will see the true meaning of the world, pending you actually wanted to see it in the first place. You’ll see wrinkled old women pretend to be 19 year old girls, 40 year old men pretend to be Fabio (or alternatively, pretend to be their favorite NASCAR driver, which is somewhat homosexual in a way), and you’ll see people try to sell you stupid shit for insane prices.

If anything, Craigslist is proof that there’s a nice rotten underbelly to any city. If you find that amusing like me, you’ll find tons of things to read and laugh at- otherwise, take a look and find yourself yet another reason to install a second lock on your front door.

A lot (and I mean a LOT) of people have recently been bitching on various forums and other sources about not knowing what to do on dating sites- that is, they don’t know how to get “above the cut” and actually talk to girls. This isn’t surprising: dating sites are built around women as a commodity and you, the general male, as the oversupply. Dating websites don’t make it that easy to contact the opposite sex without feeling like a pervert and/or stalker, and inevitably, many people are left somewhat out of touch. Well, here’s what you do.

First off, let me add a spoiler to all of this: I’m going to be talking about dating websites. However, obviously, I’m not going to be discussing websites designed to get you laid: this is for “legitimate” dating websites such as Match.com, OkCupid, or similar websites. So, if you’re expecting a long article on how to look “hott”, go elsewhere, as usual.

Step 1: Figure out the kind of girls you want to attract.

No, seriously. Sit down and figure out the kind of girls you actually want to get via this website. Looking for good, clean, healthy Christian girls? Plan to avoid talking about going to bars and the like. Want nerdy girls? Don’t expect to get much attention from the more preppy girls. Sometimes, it’s best to give up the concept of finding a harem online and just stick to what you can do well: talk to girls who you have a legitimate interest in. Lots of sites do this for you now, which helps things out immensely, but some of the cheaper/dumber sites (I won’t name any) just let you “have at” their database- which often means you need to do such selection on your own.

Step 2: Know thyself, and have plenty of evidence you exist.

Pictures and text are all you have on dating websites, which is incredibly irritating in a variety of ways. They really limit you in how you can express yourself- so you need to make the most of them as possible. Most sites make this rather difficult, but it all boils down into two things you need to prepare for: your pictures (your first line of offense), and your text (your second).

The first thing that people will notice, without fail, is your picture. Humans are wired this way: girls who say they don’t check are liars. You need to take a good picture that features you doing something other than the following:

• Graduating
• Working
• Sleeping
• Drinking
• Making an angry pose towards the camera.
• Trying to look artistic and failing
• 300 miles away from the camera, trying to hide
• Doing something sexual

Make sense? It should. However, amazingly, 95% of all pictures end up falling under the above categories. So, instead of ranting further about what you can’t do, let me just show you some epic failures- and some epic successes while I’m at it.

BAD EXHIBIT ONE: Creepy Construction Worker

While this guy may look good, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t come off as completely dangerous. With the wrap-around sunglasses, obvious double-chin, poor lighting and photo quality, this image does nothing but scream “I want to watch Blue Collar Comedy, eat fried chicken, and grab your rear”.

BAD EXHIBIT TWO: “Yeah, I kissed a dude once after some Jagerbombs”

Needless to say, this looks dumb. He looks like a damn club idiot, the kind who would screw anything with a hole after knocking back a few beers. This may not even be his personality: but it’s what I think when I look at him, and that’s a damn problem, because women will do the same thing. On top of this atrocity, he’s attempting to show off muscles he doesn’t have (on the theory that women cream themselves at seeing their bodies), which is far from the truth. No-one with any kind of brains would touch this idiot.

BAD EXHIBIT THREE: Samurai-boy

This guy is far from an Anime character, but it’s obvious he wants to be one. With the bright pink hair that reminds me of Pepto-Bismol and an expression that looks almost effeminate, one wonders what this guy is looking for other than to make a joke of himself. Women do not look for men with bright pink hair- while the long hair could be a selling point, the bright pink and the flowery shirt just make him seem awkward and off-putting.

GOOD EXHIBIT ONE:Natural photo with something interesting.

Looking at his photo, he’s a football fan- and the photo sends that message, but it contains a clear photo of his face naturally, something that sends a very clear message and frames him extremely well. There’s nothing hidden here- looking at this photo, you know exactly where he’s coming from. Additionally, you can tell he’s with someone to his left- meaning he’s got friends and doesn’t live in a basement. Always a good thing.

GOOD EXHIBIT TWO: Mr. Smile

Somehow, this works. It shows his face, he’s looking friendly and inviting, and you kinda just want to be this guy’s friend. Again, while he’s not going to fit every girl’s bill, he’s doing a damn good job at looking good in a 100×100 picture. Overall, this picture is a great example of the simple fact that you can look like anyone- if you look inviting and kind but refined, you’ll do well, no matter how you look compared to the “ultra-buff” guys on the listings with you.

GOOD EXHIBIT THREE: Indie Kid

I hate to admit it, but this guy has something going for him: being out there. While I generally hate sunglasses in photos, his unique smile and fun demeanor that shows in the photo will get him a lot of attention- it’s enough to generate some attention to his profile, and that’s exactly what he needs on a dating website.

So, my point should be made fairly clear: you need to show your face, be nice, and not try to hide anything. No swords, no daring shots, nothing special- make it like a damned resume photo with an edge and you’ll be fine.

But then it comes down to the second part of your presentation/offense: the actual stuff you write. Unfortunately, getting into this in detail would take an article of it’s own, but in general, all one needs to do is NEVER EVER type stuff like the following:

• I will fill this out more when I see who is available. I am a nice guy who is seeking a sole-mate. Someone sweet with a kind heart.Someone that doesnt smoke would be nice. I’m a bigger guy but I look good. I would like to find a beautiful girl that deserves my affection. (fails for a variety of reasons- typos, already putting himself down, and even going so far as to say a girl DESERVES his affection)
• i like to meet outgoing women and love to have sex..i have a 7 inch dick and masturbate almost everyday.My name is super and i love superman. (the failure in this is self-explanatory)
• I wouldn’t say that I’m REALLY good at anything, or at least anything that comes to mind. (NEVER put yourself down on the FIRST DAMN PARAGRAPH, if ever at all)
• I currently work for an electrical company as an electrician. My goal is to own my own home by the end of the year. I am also trying to be the best father that I can be. (AKA “I am a failure currently so put up with me until stuff gets better”)
• Even when you see me, do not run after me. If you run after me, you will lose me. If you parade me, you do not know who I am. I cannot be monopolized–I belong to everyone. I do not want you to believe in me. I want you to experience me. If you take one step towards me, I will take two steps back. (NEVER sound like a self-absorbed douche who is trying to be poetic unless you’re DAMN sure you know it will work)

Long story short? Be normal. Don’t talk about your failures. Don’t whine. don’t admit too much. Don’t talk too much, but give info about yourself. Talk about what you do for fun, and be open to new things. Sometimes, it’s best to note that you aren’t the kind of guy who frequents dating sites: it’s always better to seem new and young to the concept rather than to sound like you’re a pro at trying to find a girlfriend and failing at it. Use your common sense.

Step 3: Become the next great spam god.

Sit down when you have free time and just message girls. Read their profiles, figure out something you can talk about, and just get moving. If she likes a movie you haven’t seen before, ask her if it’s worth seeing. If she likes a hobby that you like too, ask her about her experience. If you’ve got nothing to say but want to message her anyway, just tell her that- it’s better to be honest. Never use pickup lines, and do this as much as you need to.

You will get rejected- this is no different than real life, just with messages rather than actual talk. Expect to be shut down, made fun of, and beyond- but keep on trucking and you should be fine. Remember, the girl who you message inadvertently may be “the one”- you just have to get the balls to actually message her and find out.

Step 4: Profit.

Hopefully, following these rules, you should have a chance to find some good people. Hell, any experience can be good experience- just be willing to keep trying and not get discouraged. Dating websites are odd places, but you can learn a lot- tread lightly, avoid the crazies, and all in all, have fun with it. After all, at least the internet has Block buttons, thank god.