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Too many guys know about managing their health too late. It’s not uncommon for me to recieve e-mails with questions begging for advice on how to lose a beer gut- or worse, how to deal with dieting after getting diabetes due to bad “gamer” eating habits caught up with them.

Let’s cut the crap for a second. Unlike what fast food commercials and bad American sitcoms would like you to believe, real men are healthy, and they proactively work towards being healthy. Real men do not need a triple-stacked hamburger with extra cheese to be men (because apparently in the world of Hardees, “Man” and “Heart Attack” are synonymous). Sure, we all like good food now and then- but too many guys are buying the concept of health stoicism so much, they end up regretting it later in life.

So let’s cut that out right now. In this article, I’m going to address the very basics of keeping healthy- things you absolutely need to know right now about eating, exercise, and even a little bit of sexual health. You don’t really know how little you know until you think about it.

Fact 1: You need to be eating healthy right now.

Metabolism be damned. I don’t care if you can eat raw lard and stay skinny: eating healthy is going to pay back both now and in the future. Sodas, while extremely tasty, should be sparingly drank, as with alcohol and any other high sugar drinks (this includes Vitamin Water). You do not need a plate loaded with food- eating smaller portions more often is better for your metabolism and it gives you more energy. Junk food (chips, candy, and virtually anything else you can imagine a fat trucker eating) should be eaten sparingly. No-one’s saying you can’t have a good old burger every once in a while- but when you eat them regularly, you WILL get fat- even if right now you aren’t visibly packing on the pounds.

One point about this: once you lose a battle, you do not lose the war. All of us have had days where we have chugged 30 sodas or consumed two boxes of Krispy Kreme- this does not mean you must give up on your diet plan. One of the best dieting plans I have ever heard (which was written in an ancient book about weight training) was simple: eat healthy 6 days of the week, and give yourself a reward on the seventh. Even if you can go all seven days healthily, don’t consider it the end of the world if you eat poorly: just get back on track ASAP.

Fact 2: You need to be exercising right now.

One of my biggest gripes as of recent is that many guys think that “healthy” is the same as “as skinny as humanly possible”. This is not true. Being skinny or underweight does not mean that you are exempt from exercising- exercising is for everyone, no matter what. You should be doing a balanced exercise routine at LEAST twice a week to maintain body health- the effects will be easily noticeable when you begin. Fat or thin, muscular or weak, you need to have a good weight lifting/cardio/stretching routine- not to “get buff” or “get thin”, but just to stay healthy. We will have articles on how to get muscular- but right now, just accept that even if you want to keep a skinny weakling body type (for whatever strange reason you may have), you still need to be pumping some iron, just not 300lbs.

Fact 3: You need to be sleeping better.

I soundlike a hypocrite saying this with my late nights often spent writing articles for Well Cultured, but you need to get more sleep. Sleep is the glue that holds everything together- and trust me, going without will destroy you in ways you cannot even imagine. The lack of sleep will lead to poor mental performance, poor physical performance (this includes sex), and overall poor hygeine. Consequently, oversleeping will make you sluggish and lazy, and in some rare cases (like if you sleep after eating), it can even contribute to weight gain.

Fact 4: Stop masturbating so much.

This doesn’t need to be said in more detail than this: overdoing anything will have bad consequences. While you’re certainly not going to grow hair on your palms, you can easily desensitize yourself, both physically and mentally.

Fact 5: Your skin needs to be treated too.

As I’ve said on here before, I am 110% against makeup of all kinds for men (for women, it is good and sometimes desperately needed). Still, that doesn’t mean you don’t keep care of your skin. If you have acne, purchase a good cleansing solution and use it correctly. If acne is not a problem, make sure to rub some lotion on your hands/face/wherever fairly often. This will not give you skin “like a woman”- rather, it will just keep it from getting nasty.

Also, I’m going to basically send a big middle finger to the paranoid people out there. Get a tan. For most of us pitiful Anglo-Saxons, we are much paler than we think we are- and trust me, even the “pale” actors/models have at least a base tan at all times. Don’t go oompa-loompa orange- just get yourself a bit of sun. It will look (and feel) healthy. Trust me, humans crawled outside for hundreds of years under the sun, going out to the beach once in a while is not going to give you skin cancer- put on some sunscreen and just enjoy it.

Fact 6: Treat your hair right.

Excessive hair abuse (or hair neglect) will make you look stupid. Wash your hair often and this will not be a problem. Don’t get excessive hair coloring done or obsess over heavy product (the more firm the gel, the more your hair is abused, really). While this shouldn’t apply to most of our readers, don’t nuke your hair or do anything crazy- trust me, for some of us, we won’t have that hair forever.

That being said, the second you begin to go bald, go to a good stylist and have her work with it, or just shave it bald. Bald is confident. Combovers are not.

Fact 7: Wear good clothing.

This applies to shoes more than anything else. Wear shoes that feel good and let your feet breathe and walk naturally- avoid wearing sandals or other poorly fitted shoes. Many good shoe stores will now assist you with finding your “fit”, and make getting shoes that feel comfortable and let your feet breathe a breeze.

Also, with general clothing, NEVER go too tight. Fitted is good, skin-tight, blood-vessel-constricting wear is not. I am not kidding when I have heard horror stories about what happens to your package when you wear tight “girl jeans”. Avoid that for your future children, or even just your future sex life.

Fact 8: Shave like you mean it.

When you shave, shave well- don’t just go over your face quickly with no shaving gel, you will get ingrown hairs (and in many cases, cut yourself). Make shaving a pleasant ritual- it’s generally best to do so after showering. Use warm water, lather up with a good shaving cream, and follow the grain of the hair as best you can. Your face will thank you.

Fact 9: Have good posture.

Good posture is confidence. I’m not kidding. Not only does good posture keep you from having to go to a chiropractor later in your life, but good posture projects confidence and strength- so it’s a damn important thing for both your social and physical health.

Okay, let’s do a test right now. If you are sitting down right now, check your posture. Are you leaning back far into the chair, hunched back, or somehow sliding down the chair? Then you have bad posture. While most of us geek types have devised some interesting ways to get comfortable in computer chairs (or beds, or whatever), it’s not good for the back, or even your arms/wrists as you twist and contort to type.

Similarly, even your stance while walking is a factor in good posture. Keep your shoulders back, eyes out, and avoid slouching. The era of the “teen geek slouch” with your hands jammed into your pockets and your eyes at the floor is over. Walk around like you own the floor you stand on.

Fact 10: Keep good mental health.

As silly as this sounds, your physical body also reacts to your mental health. Be it trying to jog a mile or make love to a beautiful woman, if you don’t have good mental health, you won’t have good physical health no matter how hard you try. Keep studying, reading, writing, meeting new people, and keep yourself mentally healthy overall, and you will have a much better time with any of the facts above, bar none. If you are depressed, there is no way in hell you will perform to the top of your abilities: so sort out mental issues with the same fervor you do physical ones. Trust me, it helps.

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One important thing about this list is that it is not in any order- everything I’m telling you is important in it’s own way. While it seems daunting to see such a list full of requirements and demands, trust me- things like these become natural, and doing things like exercising and eating healthy become so commonplace that you’ll forget you ever ate poorly. Focus on each item individually, and eventually your future self will thank you.

So, you want to go out for a night on the town, but have no idea what you’re doing or where to do it? You’re in luck WC reader! It’s actually rather easy to have a great night on the town but do it so that you don’t end up looking like a shlub.

There is a protocol that should be mastered when going to an establishment that serves alcohol. This includes 5 steps:

1. Find an establishment that would be suitable for your needs
2. Get into the bar
3. Determine your drink of choice for that situation
4. ???
5. Profit!

First and foremost, it’s important to establish where you want to go before you head out on the town. If you’re lucky enough to be in good female company before you go, I’d suggest avoiding places named, “Dirty Mark’s Electric Pub” or any place similar. In addition, if you live in a big city as I do, don’t ever go anywhere that Girls Gone Wild producers might be filming. Those places are trashy, dirty, and unbecoming of a well cultured individual.

I suggest doing a bit of research about the bars and clubs in your town. Ask your friends that may have gone, check the internet for reviews and opinions of the bar.

Great! Now that you’ve decided what place to go to, you have to get it. Depending on the establishment there may be selective entry. They don’t let losers into certain places just to keep the riff raff out, and the classy crowd in. So, you must dress the part. For a male, the best idea is not to wear jeans. Black slacks are excellent if you’re going to a decent place, and complimented with a Calvin Klein or other good brand dress shirt. A tie maybe over doing it a bit, unless this is a really classy party you’re going to but if you think you’re going to need a tie, you might as well go for a suit jacket as well.

PROTIP: If you arrive with an assortment of women with you, there’s less of a chance that you’re going to be denied entry. It doesn’t even matter if they’re your cousins or sisters. The only thing better than 4 women coming in with you, is 5 women.

Depending on how upscale the bar is should really determine your drinks. I won’t address bottle service at this point, but I will highlight some great drinks starting from the most sophisticated, to the more uncouth.

The character of James Bond is legendary for ordering martinis. Because of this, many guys just think they can go into a bar and get one to look cool. WRONG. If you ask the bartender, “Can I have a martini?” You’re going to look like a retard. There are a few questions that you have to ask yourself before ordering one.

1. Gin or Vodka?
2. What brand of alcohol? (Stick with Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray / Grey Goose or Belvedere)
3. How dry? (Pretty much asking how much dry vermouth to put in it. Very dry has little to none, regular dry has a bit, etc)
4. In and out? (In and out is when they take the vermouth, pour it into a glass, swish it around, and then pour it out, leaving just a light coating)
5. Olive or twist? (Olives. 3 of them. Always.)
6. Do you want it dirty? (Olive juice or no?)

So this is your ideal order: “Dirty goose martini, very dry, 3 olives”

Scotch is also a drink for the cultured anon to consider. You just have to know what you’re getting into. For a blended scotch, you will find consistency. For single malt, you’ll find an adventure. It’s acceptable to water down scotch a bit, just take a sip, and add some water, repeat until it tastes good.

Beer is acceptable only if it’s a more casual place, chances are, if you’re here, you’re not wearing a suit. I highly recommend a few particular beers:

1. Any form of Sam Adams, but stick with the season
2. Guinness: very bitter thick beer, not for newbies
3. Heineken
4. Corona: Don’t put a lime wedge in it. It’s against man law.

What not to drink:

Cosmopolitans, Jager bombs, Alabama slammers, anything from a blender, etc, etc.

FINAL PROTIP: Don’t forget to tip your bartender! He will remember you if you don’t, which is something you don’t want.

One question fairly prevalent on the forums and in e-mails I’ve been receiving is a rather simple, but very complex question: how to throw a good party. While I obviously can’t magic up answers on how to make an ideal party to suit everyone, I can tell you some general planning tips if you do intend to throw a bash- some of them that may save your rear in the long run.

Know what you want and make it clear beforehand.

This is the number one thing about parties: Know what you want to do and prepare for it. Want to do an 80s party? Then prepare for everything in advance. Try to sit down and get a general idea of who you want to show up, how many people (in general), how much you can spend, and the like. This sounds excessively formal for something fairly simple, but the reason you want to do this is to ensure that you don’t go overboard in any respect. If you live in a house that can only happily accommodate 20 people, then don’t invite 30. If you overcrowd/underfeed/underprepare in any fashion, people will be uncomfortable.

Naturally, this depends on your age and status level. If you’re a teenager, more than likely you’ll be able to get away with cramming a basement. Those around the 20+ range tend to get sick of that and want a little bit more personal space. Once you hit about 21 or so, that childish thrill of “hur hur gotta get together with my buds and drink some beer holy crap we’re hardcore” dies away fairly quickly.

Watch alcohol/noise laws, and make sure you don’t violate them.

Touching on the youth thing noted above, you aren’t 16, your parties do not need to end when the police arrive, so don’t piss ‘em off. Most cops won’t get angry or show up unless someone specifically calls them, so make sure that you don’t piss off neighbors/flatmates too much. For example, if you want to blast music, try to doing it relatively earlier (6p-9p) and then quieting it down when the initial energy dies down- that way, you won’t be pissing off too many neighbors too much. Depending on where you live, you could even tip them off and ask permission- but in general, try not to be a dick in this respect.

So far as Alcohol goes, watch your rear. Here in the great state of North Carolina, you will be essentially martyred if you give underage kids alcohol (or otherwise have them drunk on their own accord or some similar situation), so avoid it it all costs. If a buddy gets wasted at your party, keep him at your place and let him sleep it off- it will be infinitely better than sending him off to an inevitable DUI/DWI. If your group may have underage kids in it, have someone (your unofficial “bartender”) keeping tabs on the alcohol at all times, and try to avoid purchasing kegs or other forms of alcohol that are relatively easy to “steal a sip” from. As gay as this sounds, it’s much better than being hit with a fine or being arrested.

Keep it in your age group/maturity level as much as possible.

Like I mentioned above, know your age group and maturity level, even beyond the alcohol issue. People in their later 20s will typically enjoy alcohol and messing around, but also are going to not want the traditional “cram people in and blast music” junk that teenagers like. Even more so, 30somethings tend to be even more relaxed- to the point where some just enjoy quiet music and wine. You should know your friends and your target audience, and use this to determine your party in general.

For example? If you have some 20somethings, there’s nothing wrong with having video games out- it lightens people up, and it’s an age group old enough that isn’t going to take it too seriously. In general, no matter the age group, you should never presume that people are going to want to show up for the sake of booze and talk- so always have something on-hand. Depending on the group, this means you could do anything from costumes to Twister.

As much as I promote these ideas, don’t ever plan obsessively too much for the “activities” or it will feel like a 6 year old’s birthday party. Have stuff available, and go with the flow, never schedule.

A little bit of good alcohol is always better than lots of bad alcohol, if any at all.

This should have been the title for this article. I don’t care how many kegs you can afford- a little bit of good beer is going to go a hell of a lot better than a whole lot of junk. You are (probably) not 16 years old, you do not need to get excited over alcoholic sludge. As referenced in a current topic on the forums, don’t try to throw a Corona party with Pabst. Don’t buy cheap Margarita mix and expect everyone to think you’re  cultured. Try to buy as best you can for your budget- in general, if it’s a small group, feel free to get good stuff, they will love you.

Oh, and a quick note- if you throw a classy party, boxed wine is not classy. Boxed Wine is like walking into a formal ball with a tuxedo t-shirt on. Actual bottles of wine are cheap now, do not skimp, ever.

Secure your stuff.

This is an easy one: if you have people coming you don’t know/trust, secure your stuff, lock away your valuables, and most importantly, try to keep your bedroom door locked. Nothing is more disgusting than having people doing things in your bed without your knowledge- and trust me, some idiot partygoers will do this at first opportunity. Sure, make couches and the like available, but I would sincerely recommend against providing available rooms. Your choice.

Know your guests.

This is exactly what I’ve said above, but I’ll reiterate: know your people. If you can, try to know everyone at the party in some fashion, even if it’s just as “____’s friend”. For one thing, it will allow you to be sociable- but more importantly, you’ll be able to know people if something goes wrong, or just to ensure people are happy. If a really introverted friend decides to come, you’ll know to make an effort to let them enjoy themselves- and if a really extroverted pervert shows up, you’ll know to keep an eye on them. As silly as it sounds to consider yourself a “host”, some of the best parties are where the “host” knows how to get rid of problems quickly and let people enjoy themselves.

Have something to do (PLEASE).

Talk and booze do not equate to a good party. Even if you make it a “theme party” like a 70s party or some random crap (you could always go geeky and call it a “video game party”), have something available. Like I said above, overplanning feels childish, but don’t underplan: have something to do and everyone will be entertained. For smaller groups, consider watching a movie or playing a stupid game like Twister- for bigger groups, you’re very limited, but can always do preplanned stuff (for example, a contest of some sort, or the like- though typically, for bigger groups, you have to have readied this ahead of time).

It’s hard to tell you what to do, but you know your friends best. Some of the best parties I’ve ever had were 100% alcohol free lan parties, as gay as that sounds- geek is getting more chic nowadays, and most guys (even those of us who consider our lives/work SERIOUS BUSINESS) enjoy screwing around on oldschool video games now and again.

Know when to end (if ever)

This is sometimes the number one rule: know when to end. Too many parties go on until they naturally die out, which absolutely blows. One of the best things you can do is set a natural time limit (say, three hours) and keep it within that range- and maybe whittle it down to a group of friends after that to just hang out. By all means, you don’t want to end it prematurely, but it’s a hell of a lot better than wearing your guests out and watching them get bored. From a mental perspective, they’ll unfortunately consider your party a bore (as people typically only remember the last hour of a party, unless they get wasted)- which absolutely blows.

On that same note, if you’re worried about guys who attempt to hit on girls, don’t- typically, time limits allow opportunities for your aspiring partygoers to invite the girls elsewhere.

Well, there you have it. Feel free to comment with more ideas, or post on the forums if you have any other questions, comments, or concerns.