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Signs of a Damn Bad First Date

Written by admin, Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

A damn bad date.Sometimes, first dates just go bad. Horribly, horribly bad. The kind of bad where everything seems to explode and you feel like you wasted your time. Luckily for you, not only have some of the guys from Well Cultured compiled a list of horrible first date experiences, but we’ll even explain why they are bad- and why you should never do them (if applicable).
Talking about Kids

“So do you think we should have three kids or two?”

This is a horrible way to scare the jesus out of someone. Unless it’s in a casual way you both enjoy, bringing up a discussion about having children is the equivalent of bringing up a discussion about sex on the first date… no wait, it’s basically the same. Unless you are in a committed relationship of some kind, discussing this not only makes you look desperate (if a girl) or strange (if a guy), it scares the other person from the sudden jump in commitment expectations.

Drinking/Smoking Incessantly

“I know I drink a lot but that’s just who I am!” (Shortly before passing out)

This is another example of epic mega failure. Drinking and smoking can be fine (depending on your personal preferences), but never on a first date- it tends to be a bit open, especially since you don’t know your dates likes/dislikes. Feel free to admit you do it, just don’t go overboard. Again, though, this is not to say you can’t have a glass of wine- just not 30 of them.

Being really really really really obsessive

“So will you call me tomorrow? What time? What about the day after that?”

This is like the ultimate bane of some of us: if a date goes bad (or even good), making sure it ends kindly. Some girls just don’t step off your case, and tend to be obsessive about making damn sure you’ll be in contact. Of course, the reverse applies- never do the same to a date. Sometimes, it’s always good to have a rejection hotline number memorized- then again, if she does that whole “let me call to make sure” thing, then you are screwed.


“Did I mention to you I’m really an elf priestess?”

Not much needs to be said here. Being obsessed with something arcane can be off putting and strange. Don’t do it. Ever. If you do have a fandom of some kind, learn to operate in normal society without using it as a constant reference point: it will serve you well.

Quick note: I can tell obsession with Vampires and the occult from a mile away now, and I can personally attest that it is nothing but crazy. When a girl asks me if my canines are sharp enough to bite into her neck, there is a problem.

General Stupidity/Closedmindedness

“I think we should just send all the black people back to Africa!”

There’s nothing wrong with believing certain things- let’s face it, we all probably have one or two beliefs that are a bit off kilter. However, keep in mind that these thoughts aren’t exactly broadcasting material. The same goes with general stupidity- if you don’t have anything intelligent to say, admit it, don’t run your mouth. Girls who use MTV as their primary source of news seem to be the prime source of problems like this.

Bringing a Friend Along

“Hope you don’t mind I brought”

Never ever. EVER. A date is to get to know each other. However, this rarely happens with a third wheel- and in the worst of situations (one I’ve had before), you never even get to say a WORD because her friend wants to be chatty with her and make crude comments (so I stood up and left in the middle of the meal). Friends do not need to assist you in a date- and unless you double date (which works well in some situations, but rarely a first date), don’t do it. Please.

Mentioning horrible secrets/facts

“Did I mention I was raped by my father when I was 6?”

This kind of stuff not only scares people, it effectively makes you freeaking crazy. This includes openly talking about crimes you have committed, medications you take, the times you were raped… anything. For the love of god.

Obsession with a cell phone

This is the worst cake topper ever.“Hold on, I need to take this”

This is only second in my personal opinion to bringing a friend along in “ways to irritate me quickly during a date”. If you have friends who feel the need to message/call you, tun the cell phone off. Do not text message. Do not go to the bathroom to talk with your friends. The same goes for mobile internet browsers and the like: you are there to date and enjoy each others company.

Overly touchy people

“Like that?” (After touching his groin)

Okay, let’s face it, some things can be sexy. However, on a first date, making sexual advances? Sorry, that’s a little bit much. Go away. Being sexual and giving the impression you’ll blow me will only make the guy run the hell away, like any reasonable person.

Religion Discussion

“Have you read the book of Mormon?”

Like talking about horrible personal secrets, religion is to be something you bring up only when you are closer and NOT on the first date. If you have morals or certain restrictions, that’s just fine. However, you should never try to talk to your date about converting- that’s just creepy.

Being generally rude to the Waiter/Waitress/Sommelier

“Get me your finest wine, and not the &!$* you usually buy”

How you treat people who are working under/for you is a good indicator of your personality: so don’t abuse them in front of the date. Telling the Sommelier he has bad choices is foolish: unless you are a god of Wine, you are probably wrong. Undertipping the waiter is also somewhat cheap and rude. If the waiter/waitress does poorly, be clear and form, and NEVER lose your cool.

Bad Personal Hygeine

“I don’t wash my hair, ever”

Needless to say, you need to take showers and wash daily- I don’t care how you work it, but otherwise you will be freaking disgusting. Ignore the trolls on the internet: yes, you HAVE to clean yourself, ESPECIALLY after a date. I don’t care if you are “washing phereomones down the drain” or what, you also wash away the odor that makes girls vomit. The same goes for girls: if I can smell you and you don’t smell nice, I will most certainly not be interested.

Bringing up any Ex-es

“Did I mention that my Ex had a six pack and a truck and a big….”

You are dating to get to know each other, not to have a little competition between your date and whoever you last were with. Yes, there was probably a reason you dumped him/her, but there was also a reason you dated: we don’t care.

Little Princesses

“I feel the need to be spoiled… I deserve it!”

I have heard this multiple times, and it scares me. Girls, you are not princesses, that much is abundantly clear (and if you are a genuine princess, you can e-mail me with the form above, let’s meet somtime over coffee… err, tea). You do not need to demand to be treated as such. Guys will do everything to make you comfortable and nice, but demanding $5,000 handbags or jewelry is too much. I’ve seen some of the smallest and most seemingly unimportant weddings in the world be the strongest, and the most lavish/expensive end in divorce. Go figure.

Mentioning relationship/suitor demands (and/or using friends for opinions)

“You need to be over 6’1″ with a six pack and perfect skin and…”

This seems to be a popular trend with shallow girls- the “check list”. Typically, this is really damn bad- from “He must be virtually hairless” to “He must be hung over ___ inches”, it gets annoying. Yes, we all have mental checklists- but many of us know to keep them flexible and, most importantly, not publicize them. Similarly, using your friends to “rank” a suitor is shallow and horrible. Don’t ever do it.

So there you have it! Thanks to some of the responses I’ve gotten from various buddies on some of the points- and as always, feel free to comment here or on the forums if you wish to make a comment, complaint, or anything else!

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2 Responses to Signs of a Damn Bad First Date

  1. Tyciol says:

    Honestly, this advice applies to women just as much as to men… one girl I dated said her mom was waiting outside the theatre midway through the movie, another started talking about her ex, and another had her friend ambush us in the parking lot. It was really weird.

  2. Anoni says:

    This whole thing is hilarious. LOL, good show.

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