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Handling “FINE”: Your Guide to Survival

Written by Danielle, Sunday, June 14th, 2015 in Dating Columns, Sex & Dating

fineOk, so I know that we have all been there before. You come home from work, see your sweetie looking maybe slightly sulky, but, you know, nothing too crazy out of the ordinary, and you say “Hey honey, how was your day?” and there it is, like a knife right in the gut. I mean she didn’t even have the decency to stab you in the back, she just stuck it right in. Her response: “Fine.” Never in life has a one-syllable word carried so much grief, sarcasm, wonder, and question. It’s a total double standard word, because, yes, there are times when fine is just fine. It’s just that. There is no double meaning or silicon lining to it. But, then, there are the times where she says she’s fine but really she’s only slightly irritated, or just ‘not so pleased.’ All of those things you can easily work through. A quick shoulder rub, glass of wine, maybe you cook dinner and all is forgiven. Look out though for the “I am so flippin angry and pissed fine.” That alone is the ultimate death of all. No one can give a death stare like F-I-N-E can pierce through your soul.

Don’t fret. I have your key to success and surviving those days right here.  Step one, if she says she’s fine in a slightly cheerful mood, meaning she really is just fine, you know not excellent, not great, but not thinking about strangling anyone or even lying in bed all day, then you can fix this right away. Smooch up to her, and let her vent. Even if it is about you, just let her get it off her chest! Afterwards, give her a kiss, tell her ok, and walk away (if you don’t want to stay in the same room). Now, if she’s more sullen than usual and the look of sheer irritation and stress and fatigue going on, for heaven sakes don’t egg her on. Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY THESE WORDS: “you don’t handle stress well,” “You’re overreacting,” “calm down,” “you just aren’t fun to be around when you’re like this,” you get the picture? All you will do is start a big blowout fight that could have been easily avoided, and now we have two pissed-off people rather than one irritated person.

In order to fix this mood, do what your sweetie loves. If she loves spending time together; do so. Snuggle up together and watch a movie, rub her neck and shoulders, draw a bath for her and pour her a glass of wine for it, if she wants to vent-let her; it is your job as her person to be there for her and she you. If she’s more of a “suffer in silence” type, still do something sweet for her and then give her the space she needs to decompress her day. Not everyone wakes up bright-eyed and in a great mood, and to have to go to work on top of that and fake it all day, really eats at you. So, by the time you get home, you’re now wearing down and have all the stress from that morning’s terrible waking scene that you had to hide has just come bursting with a vengeance and has a new packed on layer from the stresses of the day.

To those of you that have walked in on the “I’m going to kill this bloke if he says one wrong word fine,” I’m sorry. On behalf of all women, I apologize. We suck. We are nasty and brutal and we know where to strike that hurts the most. We really are the most vicious creatures ever. I mean if diplomacy and words were a way to win the war, than perhaps we should have elected all females as government officials and let them handle the peace treaty with whatever country you wanted to. We would strike while the iron was hot and keep plunging in until our opponents felt defeated, used and abused, and ready to surrender.  Now, I’m not saying all women should run the government, just that we are very cruel creatures.  So, once again, to those of you that have walked in at the wrong moment, I’m so sorry. You are the true troopers, the Captain America’s; The Superman’s.  A woman on a deathly F-I-N-E tirade must not be “dealt” with or argued with, at all. Doing so will only cause an untimely ‘death’ for you.

Dealing with the eye-rolling directly at you, you better stick your foot in your mouth before you swallow it –FINE- because no matter what you say at this point it can come across as snarky fine,  is very delicate to put it lightly. So, please, proceed with caution. At this point you need to basically drop everything and put on your best sweet talk. Don’t try to woo her to be romantic and get in bed, but seriously, tell her how beautiful she looks even though it will be met with sarcasm, just keep the compliments coming. I would even go for trying to make her laugh, but that can be tricky because if you cross the line too much than she just gets more pissed off than what she was before.

In this case, help her relax, draw her a bubble bath, definitely pour her a nice glass of wine if she’s a wine drinker, have her relax, make dinner or call it in, but don’t make her cook.  Rub her shoulders and ease the tension. Also, at times, you might just have to be the punching bag. In this instance you are. And, it will be brutally painful. She is going to rip you to pieces. Do everything you can to take it and let it go. Never take anything to heart that she says that is painful for you to hear when she’s pissed. If she’s pissed about something you did and you let it fester until it blew up in your face, that’s one thing, but never hold this “FINE” stage against her. She doesn’t mean the nasty things she says right now.

Do all of this and you just might survive until morning. Good luck!

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