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Meeting up with a Shy girl

Written by admin, Monday, March 23rd, 2009 in Q&As

So, straight to the point:

I’ve started talking to a girl that I knew in school from about 7 years ago. Started talking on Facebook then MSN, now texts and MSN. We’ve been talking a lot for about 2 weeks now. Anyway, I asked if she
wanted to meet up, and she said yes. But then cancelled with a silly excuse. Turns out she only really hangs out with a few people because she gets really shy.

Thing is, this makes me want to see her even more and like her more too. How can I go about meeting up with her? We get along great and it really really seems like she just doesn’t want to because of how SHE will be. Not me.

The thing about shy girls is that the normal pain of getting them on a date seems to increase exponentially as  they begin to avoid social contact. You can certainly get her to open up, but it’s going to take time.

First off, avoid guilt tripping her or putting any kind of extra pressure on her regarding going out on a date. Don’t make comments about her canceling, don’t complain about not being able to go out with her, don’t flaunt going out with other girls- keep it light and easy.

Second off, as for asking her out again, I’d recommend finding some sort of “middle point” or “safety zone”- something you both like- and working your way in that way. Don’t take her out on a super-serious date- find something she likes outside of you (like, playing video games, going to a park, that sort of thing) and then simply invite her along as a friend. This, while platonic, is arguably the best way to keep her feeling “safe” while giving you a chance to take her out. I say you should wait 2 or so more weeks before asking again.

Still, the big rule is simple: avoid rushing, pushing, or going overboard. Do not, under any circumstances, put her into a corner- shy girls typically are paranoid of such things. It’s going to take a lot of time, but it’s going to be entirely worth it when it pays off. Let her warm up to you before you make any kind of major moves- because when she is warmed up, it will be 300x better than if you force it.

Good luck with the pain of waiting!

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