Recently, the Wellcultured team has been getting a slew of e-mails asking about how to handle proms. Proms, which generally translate into “overblown highschool parties”, are generally held this time of year- so it’s right about time we give you some ideas on how to handle prom well.
The Basics
First off, let’s define what a prom is. A prom is not, like many may believe, an opportunity to have sex. In fact, chances are, you will not be getting sex after prom. Pop culture has sent you one big whopping lie- taking that lie and running with it is foolish. A Prom is really a social dance, one that floats between semi-formal and formal wear, depending on the situation and the school. In most American schools, there are two main proms- the junior prom and the senior prom, each for the respective grade level. It is not some sort of mythical Disney-esque ball where girls become women, nor is it soemthing to the equivelant of a Debutante Ball, where girls are presented to some higher court. Nowadays, at least in America and most of Europe, proms are essentially an excuse to get all the highschoolers together to “dance”.
This sounds negative, but it’s important to understand that proms are typically taken way too damned seriously by most highschoolers (as most highschoolers take highschool way too damn seriously). Prom is not the end-all of the world, and if you “screw up” at prom, your life is not over. Still, that’s not saying you can’t put some effort into making it nice and memorable- so this guide is going to help you do that.
Step 1: Plan.
As a guy, your primary job is going to be making everything as effortless as possible, as it is on virtually any date. If you plan to go with a partner (which isn’t actually necessary, see below), your goal will be to make all the transitions fast, the cups full, and everything feel effortless. Most girls want to be treated like princesses (and unfortunately some want to be treated as queens), so you need to make them feel special.
So far as clothing goes, keep standard and classy. Figure out what your school expects- at the very least, plan to wear a suit. Keep relatively conservative if you can- your most classy and safest bet will be a black three-button business suit with a fairly regular cut- no wide lapels or anything of that nature. Everything else (your shirt and tie) should be based upon what your date wears- many girls will provide you with a samlple of the color of the cloth. Try to match your tie with the color of the dress- you can even match your shirt if it’s something standard (no pink). You may also opt for a pocket square using a hankerchief (generally the color of your tie in this case)- if you do, keep the square normal and go for a single fold or something similar. Trust me, you are a teenager, no-one will think your eloquently folded puff design will be intentional, they will think you messed up. While we’re on the topic, black leather shoes (or similar), and if you decide to wear french cuffs (which are the cuff style that require cufflinks), go easy on the cufflinks- no diamonds or platinum or anything.
You will be expected to purchase a corsage. Do so at the advice of the girl or a parent on either side, and keep it close to her dress color if possible.
While it’s done occasionally, going overboard (such as renting limos) is simply ridiculous. While it’s fine if you plan to go with friends and just want to do something entertaining, doing it as some sort of attempt to entertain the girl is, at least in my opinion, poor taste. In the same sense that I would not recommend you buying her a diamond necklace for prom, I would not recommend paying for a limo just to transport her to prom.
Her parents, depending on their strictness on the date, may demand to chaperone or otherwise inflict rules on your date. This is fine- to a point. You need to have the guts to scare off a parent if they decide to literally follow you everywhere, or otherwise attempt to cause you problems (such as belittling you, as I’ve heard before). Don’t be a jackass, just don’t be a push-over- you want the date to be fun, not hell.
One important note- don’t feel like a jackass if you don’t get a date. Plenty of fun can be had just showing up. Most girls don’t JUST dance with their date (unless they have some sort of attachment, like most existing couples tend to have), so don’t feel like you got left out.
Step 2: Dancing and Eating
While most proms do not have complete sit-down dinner affairs, there will be some snacks/drinks, and there will obviously be dancing.
Eating-wise, I would actually recommend you eat a little bit before you go. The reason for this is simple- parties like this are not for stuffing your face, therefore, you may get to eat a little bit (or not at all). Eat a sandwich or a quick snack before you go that will last you a few hours and you should be set.
You may go to dinner with your date beforehand. I would still recommend eating a teensy bit beforehand just to not seem like a pig. Normal dinner date rules apply here- be polite, courteous, and try to loosen her up for the inevitable dancing later.
When you do eat, try a little bit of stuff, but don’t hang around the buffet table, and certainly do not eat when your date is not (and standing with you). It’s classy to offer to get her a drink or food, which you can do (but don’t over-do it).
While this rarely applies, the normal party open-container rule applies here: don’t drink out of them. Punch bowls can be spiked with alcohol or who knows what, so avoid them if you can. This is another plus of eating beforehand: you don’t have to deal with such crap.
Dancing wise, I can only think of the movie Hitch- your job is to sway back and forth. Unless your dance partner actually knows how to dance, throwing her around is not advised- and similarly, it’s not advised for you to try to fake it with girls who do know how to. Most modern “dance” parties nowadays are no different than glorified concerts anwyay, so don’t expect that you will be able to show off prowess, at least in that regard.
Generally, many highschools will attempt to be clever by playing some sort of then-popular song (some techno song, or more popularly, Soulja Boy) and expecting you to dance to it. If you know how, do so. Just don’t expect to keep dancing like you were before.
Step 3: Interacting with your Date
If you have a date (again, which is not necessary), expect that she will more than likely not be dancing just with you. Most highschool girls will completely trounce your ego by running off to their girlfriends and incessantly chatting, dancing with other guy friends, and generally ignoring you. Face it- most girls see this as an upper-tier social function, not a date. While I wouldn’t wish such crap on any guy, it happens- so you need to be prepared.
When you arrive, expect her to want to talk with her friends. If she’s a nice classy girl, she will introduce you (if you don’t already know them). Be nice, but obviously keep the girl to yourself when you can without being pushy- if the talk dies down, invite her to dance or ask if she wants food. NEVER get irate and sulk in the corner, she will entirely ditch you.
This part of the prom is not very hard- just keep with her, like some sort of arm ornament, and try to enjoy yourself. All you need to do is make sure you don’t go overboard- don’t get angry if she ignores you, don’t get too grabby or protective, and don’t expect a kiss. Leave the latter to be a surprise, if it ever comes.
If you get ditched (or if you just didn’t have a date in the first place), hang out with friends, talk to girls sitting back, and just generally shoot the breeze. Dance if you feel like inviting someone. It isn’t really hard once you muster up the balls to do it- and once you get rolling, it’s a lot easier.
Step 4: Knowing when to leave
You should leave when you feel things dying down. Granted, this is hard to notice, but a good indicator is when others are beginning to leave. With all the eating, dancing, and talking, most are guaranteed to get tired, so prepare to read the signs of exhaustion from your date (or from yourself) and be the one offering to drive her home.
When you do go home, take her home- none of this “let’s go to a motel” shit. Don’t try anything funny at the last minute- that will be the thing she remembers most. Feel free to act normally, but anything overboard can make the whole experience a collosal failure- so just be normal.
Overall, the message here is to be yourself and don’t do anything nuts. While you obviously want to potray the best version of yourself you can, you can ruin a prom quickly by trying to force things- such as renting a limo or something ridiculous like that. In the long run, prom means very little- but you can make it mean a whole lot by doing the right things.
Of course, we like to hear about epic victories, so post on the forums if anything good comes of it!
The mantra of the dating man: “Plan, plan, plan.” But sometimes, planning becomes difficult when money is tight. In this economy, that is the case for many people. Don’t let money keep you from having a good time! Here, WC shows you the cheap – and even cheaper – ways to have some fun together this summer. If you’re feeling bold, give one or more of these a try!
