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Moving in together

Written by Mr. WellCultured, Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 in Q&As

My girlfriend and I made plans to move in together this Spring or Fall. The thing is, we’ve only been together since September and we’re having a long distance relationship right now because I’m away for business for 4 months. I’m afraid if things get messy between us, I’ll be stuck in a place with her because of the contract. What do you think?

Short answer, avoid it.

Long answer, avoid it- mixing money with friendships/relationships, even in the case of marriage, is a bad idea.

The first thing that worries me is that you are currently in a long-distance relationship. While no doubt you knew her beforehand, it’s very very hard to really “know” a person before you move in with them- and especially in the case of a romantic relationship, you might see a side of her you aren’t exactly to see yet. In romantic relationships, though it sounds old fashioned, it’s sometimes best to build an extremely strong connection that can weather such problems before you go living together- because when you do, it will presumably be all out in the open.

A much more tangible problem will probably manifest in the nature of money. Money, simply put, can kill a relationship in seconds. If your relationship is strong enough to handle it, you may do well- but trust me, if something goes wrong (someone forgets to pay a bill, etc), things can get nasty. Being hooked together in a contract can get malicious if a relationship goes bad- I’ve heard plenty of stories about broken up couples and the jealousy of watching another lover bring back other guys/girls, much to the anger of their ex.

Don’t let yourself get entranced by the idea of living with a girl (with the idea that living with = constant sex)- moving in taxes the relationship to a degree you might not want- and if it breaks, you would still have to deal with her. I know I’m sounding incredibly negative here, but trust me, it may be best for you to hold off on this until much later in the relationship (at LEAST a few months, if not a year, after you return). If even the remote possibility exists something will go sour, you’re in trouble.

If she likes you, she’ll be willing to wait a bit. If she does, take that time to really get to know her- and from there, make a much more informed decision.

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