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Top Sex Myths Debunked (By real Women)

Written by Kirk, Friday, July 11th, 2008 in Sex & Dating, Sex Q&A

For the first time in the history of Well Cultured, I actually held a good old fashioned survey. Finally breaking down (at about the 300th e-mail), I’ve decided to answer the many many sex myth questions that I get every so often.

First off, let me explain the process. I’ve interviewed (with standardized, open-ended questions) a number of women- from teens to 30somethings and even beyond, from all over the world (we even got an interview with a Bulgarian girl) to determine what the REAL verdict is on some of the top myths and questions I’ve gotten over the last year or so.

So, with no further adieu, I present to you the results, straight from women of the world.

Penis size does NOT matter.

Finally, I can say this with certainty: it does not matter. Here’s the truth.

Penis size is really something that plays on the male ego. In the simplest terms, it’s a tangible way for a guy to determine how much of a stud he is- he can easily equate a given size to his potency in bed. With this in mind, he presumes that how big (or how small) he is dictates his worth as a lover.

The Truth: Penis size only matters to men. Women, on the other hand, care about two things: girth and use, no matter how much they may claim otherwise. Girth, the actual circumference, matters because many women are stimulated by the actual feeling of being opened (instead of the feeling of being penetrated deep). In fact, a three inch member can easily provide just as much pleasure as a 7 incher, just so long as it is used right.

The fun part? It’s all about use. “Jelquing” or similar “enlargement” techniques actually are BAD for your junk- making them larger (And in effect, thinner) whilst damaging blood cells can basically make it useless. As we’ll go on to see, the actual penetration doesn’t matter much anyway.

It is important to note that a VERY small percentage of our group admitted to the “size queen” concept, which is simple- some girls like big members. Most of these girls are just ridiculously stretched out, and others are simply bitches. Your best option, big or small, is to simply ridicule her cup size.

Sex isn’t all about sex.

That’s right, folks. Most women don’t really give a flying shit about the actual penetration involved- it’s about everything else. Most Women really care about their partner and the emotional situation, not so much the sex involved. This doesn’t mean you have to light candles and burn incense every time you want to get it on (many enjoy the thrill of going hard and fast too), but it does mean you need to keep in mind that there’s much more than “stick it in” sex.

In fact, some women actually claim that foreplay is fundamental, if not the only “good” part of sex. In my interviews, I heard the same thing over and over again: Foreplay is #1. Translation? Though your pleasure really begins once you stick it in, her pleasure begins way before and needs much longer to cultivate, so don’t jump too quickly.

Similarly, some women prefer “after sex”- as in, the cuddling. Yes, this seems ridiculous, but it can sometimes be the defining line between “amazing sex” and, as one girl put it, “ridiculous attempts at pleasuring me in 10 minutes”. Ouch.

Women are sexual too. Very sexual.

Modern girls are now, more than ever, open to the idea of porn and masturbation. You read that right- most girls you know under the age of 40 are enjoying themselves just as much as you do, if not more. But there are some caveats.

First off, Women do not enjoy visual porn much. About 90% of all of the women interviewed generally accepted porn movies and images, but much preferred stories and setting- and, in effect, found sexual stories ten times sexier than downloading random crap off an image board. Much as mentioned above (as to setting a scene), this kind of stuff allows them to get “involved”, as it were, in the scene, and thus enjoy it much more than watching two sweaty pornstars pretend to enjoy each other.

Second of, Almost all Women do not like seeing penis. Virtually every single interviewee said the same thing: they like naked men, they don’t really care for penis. At all. Despite obviously enjoying the fun of sexual acts, most don’t like seeing them- much in line with the visual porn note above. This is why there really isn’t a porn industry targeting women- they really don’t care much. Interestingly enough though, bisexual/lesbian girls tend to like female porn. Go figure.

Wanna turn them on? Dress well.

I know it sounds like I’m tooting my own horn here, but almost every interviewed girl likes a well dressed, well groomed man, and it’s by far the biggest turn-on. It doesn’t really have to be a full suit-and-tie combination, but no girl likes ill-fitting clothes. Interestingly enough though, most girls prefer a masculine wardrobe- except for girls in a specific cult (i.e. the scenegirls we interviewed, a bad idea in retrospect), most women are not into the whole “feminine guy” thing. Most girls interviewed don’t expect a guy to walk around in a full suit all the time, but many did note that jeans have to be of good quality and fitting- not just beat-em-up hand-me-down junk.

The verdict on this is obviously mixed a bit, but most women like men wearing fitting (and decent quality) jeans, good t-shirts, and, as one interviewee noted, “the only thing with holes should be a work uniform”.

Surprise, surprise: Most girls like dominant men.

While not in the kind of numbers we saw with the above, most women prefer dominant men. This is manifested from sex to even dating- they want men to take charge, plow forward, and, in some cases, “take what they want”. This isn’t exactly advocating to start being an insensitive dick, however, most women want a guy who is clear and goes after a woman with conviction, not questions.

This tends to be more prevalent in women over 25 or so, as many claim to be tired of wishy-washy or otherwise boring men. One fun aspect of this is that it translates into the bedroom big time: women want a guy who takes charge in the bedroom, and, in ways, dominates.

Lean muscle is king.

When it comes to body type, each woman likes a little something different- but all seem to have the same concept: a lean but muscular man. Translation? She wants muscle, but not in the Arnold Schwarzenegger roid-rage-ish way. Some girls tend to prefer heavily muscled guys, others prefer thinly muscled guys- but in general, most just like fitness.

Translation? If you’re weight lifting and exercising right (and NOT doing roids), you’ll turn out fine. Women who refer to “gross (as in nasty) muscle”, as we’ve learned, really are referring to bad images of overly-pumped body builders and “muscular fat”. Avoid this and you’ll do just fine.

Finally, they know more than you think.

Girls of today’s society are not going to be disgusted by the orgasm, nor are many going to be horrified at your member, or ejaculations, or anything like that. Most girls nowadays, virgins or even heavily experienced women, are very very knowledgeable (thanks to magazines, guides, and books) about your body, and in general, are fairly knowledgeable about what to expect. Even girls who had never kissed yet were fully educated about the nature of the male body, and most are not disgusted by the operations thereof.

Translation? There’s little punishment for “screwing up” as it were. Performance anxiety be damned. Most girls understand how difficult it is for some guys (and how easy it is for others), and most actually place the blame of bad sex upon themselves rather than their male partner. Sure, there are plenty of exceptions out there, but all in all, it’s a very receptive world out there. And, let’s face it, that’s a damn good thing.

16 Responses to Top Sex Myths Debunked (By real Women)

  1. James says:


    hope their isnt like an age limit to posting on this but hell,

    a TOTAL weight has been lifted off my shoulders. now I dont have to fake like im older and call like, extenze and such…
    (suck it smiling bob)
    Thanks.

  2. DMV says:

    Women are whores girth is still size and this proves to me that women are animals.

  3. Tenjen says:

    No you dull headed moron. WOmen dont outwardly look for greater girth. What the article is saying is that its not length that matters for pleasure but its actually girth.

    Humans in general are damn animals.

    Could go on about your first 3 words. But why should i smack my skull against the immaturity strengthened ignorance that you are?

  4. Ninja337 says:

    Women aren’t easy enough to be whores.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Fellow insecure male here, ive always been like it bout my body, but most girls didnt mind anythin bout me…i didnt have a toned body…and said my dick was good size…i meassured it to be 6 and a half inches which i thought wasnt big…but 2 of the women i have gotten intimate with have said it was a perfect size, this debunking guide defintly proves alot and that the girls werent lieing to me

  6. Charlie says:

    I was wondering if we could get a little more info on which groups you polled said what. I wasn’t surprised by the fact that most women like a guy who “takes charge,” but I personally am more interested in girls who really want to be equal partners in the relationship, I don’t really like girls who are “demure” or classically feminine, and despite all the shit you hear about “the modern woman,” I rarely seem to meet them.

  7. NNR says:

    Ahaha, DMV = Faggot.

    I have learned (from, you know, talking to girls), that muscle is indeed a turn-on… but it’s sorta like the girth; more pleasure, but can care less. As long as it isn’t total flab.

    It’s different in every woman, of course, just like it’s different in what men look in women.

  8. Aline says:

    You know, it varies according to women. I, for example, couldn’t care less for any measurement, but personally, I prefer more delicate guys, not necessarily feminine, but more nerdy. And I’m the kind of girl who still falls in love for a person. If you manage to be awesome to me, chances are I’ll fall in love with you.

    And there are the women that only cares for size… Mainly wallet size.

    So, guys, it’s impossible to know what a girl thinks, you could be surprised by the amount of girls nowadays who like terror movies and comic books.

  9. some butt says:

    Most women who claim penis size does not matter to them are lying. Trust me.

  10. Forte says:

    I think each woman can have their own preferences. With a woman, there is no, “Seen one, seen’em all.” Personally, (as long as there is no extreme) I care more for personality in a woman, not body. Because in 40 years, that is unlikely to be as important, and lasting relationships need personality.

  11. SwingMan says:

    Guys, I’m married to a trophy wife. Gorgeous, wants sex all the time and men can’t stop flirting with her. She’s had lots of dick. Size does matter, in a man-takes-her-fully way as above. Too long or too wide and she won’t f him. We go to swing parties twice a month so I’ve played with over 200 ladies and licked over 200 more. I know lots of guys of all sizes (and their wives), and I know how we please the ladies.

    1) Oral IS KING! Soft, slow/fast, tune into her. Read about it, practice with any girl you can.

    2) Let her know you desire her, she captivates you, you don’t care what anyone else thinks. (don’t be a wimp!) Take rejection as proof you’re not a wimp.

    3)Firm take charge = be manly in your desires, stop at 90% then ask/wait for her to respond. See Will Smith in Hitch or like whisper “I want to touch/kiss you there”. I have been shocked by how much I get just by asking nice (NOT “Hey baby you wanna f?”.

    4) Forget personality, equality, modern-woman/man, this is Sex and Orgasms, keep that stuff for the relationship and the after sex snuggling (hey, you Are a sensitive guy, right?) just not when she needs an orgasm.

    5) Learn how/where girls touch. I learned a Lot from over 100 3-somes. Girls touch girls differently. Mix these up with your manly stuff.

    6) Keep your testosterone in your pants, with a smile of confidence. Let her release it with her desire. “If we keep this up, it will be ‘too hard’ for me to stop” or some other flirty/cheesy line

    7) Learn massage. What lady can resist that for foreplay?

  12. Lydia says:

    What you need to do is get to know the woman.

    Find out what she is in to, a woman who is used to standard foreplay, sex then a bit of cuddling might get a little concerned if you try to move on to something like bondage too fast. Ask her if there is anything she might like to try.

    Learn where a woman’s erogenous zones are and learn the basics of foreplay. Whilst pleasing her ask her what she wants you to do, she knows what she likes more than anybody.

    Sex can vary between being a very intimate and romantic act to something wild, passionate and intense. Keep it interesting.

    Be your self.

    I don’t know any girls who would even consider going out with a manwhore like the last poster.

  13. Tyciol says:

    I never planned to spend any time jelqing (seems like too much work for minimal returns) but I don’t think it’s been demonstrated that it trades girth for length, that seems more of an assumption.

  14. Great advice…again. And a sidenote on size. Haven’t you manually brought a woman to orgasm. If a finger can do the job, then I’m sure whatever you’re working with should be fine.

  15. kim says:

    The girth issue is a recent phonomenou that demands scrutiny.First girth is irrelevant because the vagina when fully aroused grips almost any circumference(your small pinky finger to prove a point),the end result is that whatever gets stimulated happens the same whatever the girth.Secondly the few studies that point to women speaking of girth do not reveal what is optimal.Is this because what those women mean to say is that its the girth(whatever the width) that brings on the stimulation as opposed to the media misinterpretation that wider is better.I have never heard in past literature in any way shape or form that girth causes more pleasure let alone that passing the first few inches causes pleasure.Anatomical reality confirms this.Psychological could be something else

  16. joy says:

    I don’t post comments very often, but I just want to say that I am a woman over 40 and I’m just as horny today as I was in my 20s and 30s. Also, there is such a thing as being too long. Too long is uncomfortable, especially with the woman on top or rear entry.

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