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Amp’d Up Underwear

Written by Christine Morrison, Friday, September 30th, 2016 in Fashion, The Style Guide

ampd-up-underwear-imageWe’ve come a long way – twenty five years, actually — since Marky Mark grabbed his crotch and flaunted his Calvins.  Since then, men have had the luxury of advances in underwear – better fabric, fit, design – but can still be found readjusting.  Habit?  Insecurity?  We may never fully understand.  But behold the greatest – dare we say nuttiest – things to happen to briefs that might just put an end to all the tug of war.  And then some.

Hands-Free

To some, going commando is the ultimate freedom.  If rash and hygiene were not an issue, more men might follow suit.  Cue, Tommy John’s “Second Skin Trunk.”

Tommy John goes beyond silky fabric to offer underwear with “quick dry fly” (ahem, is the flap that hard to open when nature calls?) and a contour pouch to “nestle the boys.”  Its 360° stretch is also touted for eliminating wedgies.  But, it’s the 50% reduced drip that has us most intrigued, as we cannot imagine how that study was conducted thankyouverymuch.

Since Tommy John’s launch, multiple competitors from Lululemon and Michael Kors to Meundies and Sunspel want to get in your pants, offering supportive drawers that allow you to feel like you are free-balling.

Purchase deets:  https://www.tommyjohn.com/underwear

“Swass”

Men have apparently been suffering in silence – maybe you are one of them? — combating sweaty ass (aka swamp ass, aka sweaty butt crack).  No longer.  Thanks to Mr. Cash Warren and his Pair of Thieves partners, there is now boldly designed underwear that eliminates all signs of “swass” (yep, that’s their term for sweaty ass) even in the hottest of summer months.

For $20 you can get slide into these comfortably cool undies.  Pair of Thieves also claims “sneaky performance” in each pair – solving issues beyond a moist bum. Fabricated from microfiber polyamide, these drawers feel like slipping on a basketball jersey.  And, the four-way stretch material that both form fits yet doesn’t constrict your boys is coupled with anti-odor and moisture-wicking to keep your privates feeling fresh.

 Purchase deets: http://www.pairofthieves.com/underpants; Also available at Target.  Because “swass” is an equal opportunity problem.

Sperm Suicide

Everyone is worried about your junk it seems.  Case and point:  An International study was conducted to make your private parts more comfy and much safer.  Argentina learned that only 4 hours of wi-fi exposure from your laptop kills 25% of your sperm.  Sure, there have been reports of the escalating decline in sperm counts, many of which are attributed to environmental factors, but now it’s officially linked to your laptop.  They did not reveal what men were watching on the laptops, so your porn habit is safe.

Enter Wireless Armour.  While built to shield 99.97% of wi-fi signals, the brand’s patented Radiatex™ fabric also weaves real silver throughout to offer more than a radiation shield.  Your boys are treated to anti-bacterial/anti-static benefits, which keep your underwear smelling clean.  Resist the urge, however, to wear them for days at a time.

Purchase deets:  https://wirelessarmour.co.uk/buy-now/

 

Odor Eater

News Flash:  It is believed you pass gas eighteen times daily (which I challenge, guys…you do it much more) and now there are underwear to help mask the odor.  Shreddies, the “flatulence-filtering underwear” uses the same technology as chemical warfare suits to cover up the smell so that you can “fart with confidence.” Sure comfort is important, and these briefs are comfy, but Shreddies feels the ultimate freedom is being able to fart anywhere you want.

What they cannot resolve is the noise, so women will still prefer you leave the room/car/dinner table to let ‘em rip.

 

Note that the bacon scented underwear should never be an odor-disguising option.

Purchase deets:  http://www.shreddiesusa.com

 

A word of advice.  The men’s underwear market is a booming business with new colors, shapes and unique fits frequently hitting the market.  No need to get overwhelmed.  Consider this…Finding your brand is like finding a soul mate. You just have to find the right one to fit your personality and, more importantly, feels right to carry your baggage.

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