Comments on: Listen Up: What She Really Wants

By: Noelle

Noelle — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 02:04:27 +0000

In my understanding and experience, women tend to talk out their problems and stress. Sometimes they’re looking for advice, and sometimes they’re not. If they know how to communicate (there IS a difference between talking and communication), then it should be more clear as to when they are expecting advice or not.
The functional difference between the majority of men and women (that I’ve seen) is that women react emotionally, while men react mentally. That’s not to say that men can’t be emotional, or share emotions, nor that women can’t use brainpower, but when attempting communication between the two, it takes patience and listening on both ends to work. Frequently (again in my understanding and experience) women find it just as frustrating as men can when trying to talk to each other, because women take things personally (connecting to emotions) while men are more relaxed (connecting to mentality).
It’s very true that most women find listening a very attractive quality for a man to have. If a woman can open up and talk to you about things that stress her out, or are more personal, then she feels she can trust you. In an attempt to maintain this trust, it seems (to me) wisest to be friendly and let her know you’re willing to listen, while making your intentions clear (if you’re interested in her, that is). This shows her that you’re willing to be there for her for more than “just another guy trying to get into her pants”.

By: Tyciol

Tyciol — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:58:52 +0000

I guess this illustrates the kind of stress-coping that the sexes tend to gravitate to, since there are exceptions since women do zone out and men do like to talk about problems sometimes. Overall, what’s better? Probably a combination, you don’t want to get too fixated on a problem so it’s good to breath and do something healthy, but it’s not good to totally distract yourself from it on a daily basis either.

By: Pat Magroin

Pat Magroin — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 07:19:19 +0000

The reason men get stuck in the friend-zone isn’t mysterious and it doesn’t require pop psychology to figure out. It’s because the women aren’t attracted to them. If the men are clear about their intentions from the start, they’ll just get flat-out rejected instead of wasting their time as friends.

On the other hand, what do I know? I’ve never been in the friend zone.

By: Daniel

Daniel — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:28:10 +0000

To Yum22Yum23:
The reason women ignore your solutions is because she is not asking you for solutions. That is the difference with us as guys. Like I said, guys have a desire to problem solve and figure out solutions to problems. Women on the other hand talk through their problems so they can prioritize. It seems as if they are being irrational to men but they are actually laying everything on the table so they can move from there.

To A:
You’ve got it right, the empathy does heal a person. It is the nature of a man to figure out problems and when they want to talk about something they go to other people to offer suggestions. It is only when the man knows that there is no other way that he will ask for help. Now that won’t apply to everyone, but it is human nature.

By: A

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 22:04:01 +0000

It’s not that women talk “just to talk”. Listening to someone and empathizing with them is a healing process in and of itself, and offering “solutions” is kind of missing the point. Often, having to put your problem into words for someone else helps you solve it on your own. Don’t men just want someone to listen to them without processing at times too?

By: Yum22Yum23

Yum22Yum23 — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 08:46:02 +0000

I might be mistaken, but regarding that, isn’t sometimes the thing to act “as if” you were trying to help, because whenever I propose solutions to ranting women, they just kind of ignore them as if it didn’t matter, which would not contradict the end of the first paragraph.
The again it’s just a proposition, nothing proven.

By: Jim

Jim — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:22:14 +0000

I believe that guys are only put in the friend zone by not being clear on their intentions from the start. I’m not saying you have to flat out ask them out from the start, but you do have to let them know you’re interested from the start.

The one thing I don’t really agree with is the part about talking just to talk. I really shouldn’t talk since I’ve never had a girlfriend, but from watching my friend and his lady it seems that she gets annoyed if he doesn’t offer some remedy to her problems. That might just be her though, or perhaps it could be the nature of the problem itself…