J.Crew seems to be creeping toward a strange Ralph Lauren-style dichotomy – a huge gap between an absolutely outstanding suiting section and a somewhat mediocre preppy section. J.Crew is experimenting more and more with seersucker, twill, and similar fabrics, leaving a lot of their casualwear looking very light and airy- but admittedly with a somewhat slack feeling. Of course, true to the J.Crew name, everything is of excellent quality, so if one were to experiment with these styles you can’t go wrong- but I can’t shake the impression that everything is just a little TOO bland and, outside of the materials, the cuts are a bit too simplistic. Don’t get me wrong, though- the J.Crew offering in the formal department (from their suits to their dress shirts) is absolutely phenomenal.

A Girl’s Opinion: J. Crew has found a system that works well for them: closet staples with small bursts of flare. If bought in large amounts, J Crew clothing can easily seem overpriced; however, if you buy wardrobe essentials and maybe have the occasional splurge on something new and different, it’s much easier to handle. This season’s new additions are no exceptions.

Express is an emerging like that I’m beginning to love more and more, particularly for their great collection of well tailored dress shirts, ties, accessories, and about everything in between. Unfortunately, much like J.Crew, their casualwear feels awkward and misplaced- but unlike J.Crew, it’s not about cut, but about overstyling. Express t-shirts and, in some cases, pants/coats are incredibly overstyled and come off as flamboyant(ly gay), to the point where much of it is unwearable on a heterosexual male. Nonetheless, given recent sales that have gone after Christmas, you may not find a better place to find great dress pants, casual/semi-formal dress shirts, and accessories.

A Girl’s Opinion: I was rather underwhelmed by Express. They normally have nice clothes in a good selection of colors, but their new pieces seemed a bit tacky and rushed. Not to mention how they seemed to spend more time choosing how much t-shirt their graphics would cover instead of adding more suit pieces.

Topman has some seriously interesting styles, but unfortunately some of them are getting close to American Apparel in level of bland-hipster-ish-ness. However, I will say, for those who fit the style, Topman has some very interesting selections in terms of casual (i.e. very casual, almost western style) shirts and cardigans, which will be a great (and very cheap) asset to anyone in the UK who could use a quick style boost of that nature. And, much like the other two names, Topman carries some very interesting and classic suiting- but I can’t personally vouch for the quality.

A Girl’s Opinion: Their new pieces are as trashy as the PlayBoy t-shirts they sell.

Forever 21 (seemingly running under the label Heritage1981 for men) is at least trying in some respects, with some truly interesting (and some truly absolutely atrocious) styles that are all over the place. On first glance, Forever 21 is a Urban Outfitters-like hipster joint, but some of the staples seem usable- if one kept from going overboard. Tread incredibly carefully- don’t get lost in this season’s ocean of keffiehs and graphic tees.

A Girl’s Opinion: Is it possible to have good quality clothing at affordable prices? Absolutely. But you won’t be finding that at F21. Keep your expectations low and you won’t be let down.

American Apparel continues to try to harass me by attempting to be a legitimate clothier. Nothing in American Apparel is really that stylish or interesting- a lot of it is recycled hipster garbage. Sure, I fully support you buying maybe a t-shirt for an undershirt or a cheap scarf or something, but every attempt American Apparel makes to be a legitimate clothier is every step it makes towards being an absolute farce. It feels somewhat “me-too”-ish for them to suddenly be picking up on wool coats- almost one month before Winter ends. Needless to say, this brand is ridiculous.

A Girl’s Opinion: AA makes great basics and should stick with them. In fact, after reviewing their new styles, I think they should just make plain t-shirts and nothing else; the new styles are unoriginal and pretentious. Also? The models are creeping me out with their excessively hairy inner-thighs. Trim that shit.

Banana Republic I simply adore. While overpriced and obviously somewhat bland in some respects, the Banana Republic line (particularly Banana Republic Monogram, which I have covered before) is full of phenomenal choices in casualwear and suiting- and they just get it “right” in my mind. While somewhat formal in comparison to most stores, BR is clearly trying to innovate (including, strangely enough, trying to bring back tennis sweaters) in a way that makes me still love them to death. More recently, BR is attempting to pair classic tones (light/dark greys, off whites, etc) with bright eye-shocking colors like green and orange- and I’m actually liking it.

A Girl’s Opinion: I was pleased to see the diversity within the colors chosen for this season’s new pieces. The prices seem a little steep, but, similar to J. Crew, the quality is excellent, making BR a wonderful place for key pieces.

Gap has some interesting styles, but unfortunately after a quick browse through their wares, I’m getting a shade bit turned off to their style- and it’s all because of the quality. While some of their absolute basics (their jeans, shirts, possibly their sweaters) are fairly well made, some of their more upper end items (coats and blazers come to mind) feel a bit cheap. By all means, this is not to say you can’t go wrong- the new stuff just doesn’t feel very solid. As for new styles, I really haven’t noticed any- except for some madras shirts, everything is essentially the same as last year- so more of the decent-but-not-wonderful.

A Girl’s Opinion: The colors were the high point for the new pieces. Nothing was very interesting, and nothing seemed to be essential to have for spring.

Old Navy should not be entered unless you absolutely must, and if you do find something you like there, I would be incredibly wary of paying too much for it- more and more, Old Navy is feeling like a recycling bin for 3 year old fashion with smatterings of the new stuff thrown in at safe levels. It’s made for lower tier shoppers- namely, cheap soccer moms. Not fashionable.

A Girl’s Opinion: When did Old Navy decide to jack their prices while still keeping the same poor quality? I’m unimpressed with them and their weak attempts to salvage any sort of reputation in fashion. Truly hideous work.

Perry Ellis is best described as really expensive for no discernible reason. It feels FAR more expensive than it needs to be, especially for some of the more stereotypically cheap stuff. Nonetheless, as always, the accessories and suiting are interesting- but still, be wary of the pricing.

A Girl’s Opinion: Simple, clean and ordinary. Not a bad choice, but definitely no must-haves. However, their ties are rather fabulous and incorporate some colors you rarely see men wearing. Flawless execution.

Polo Ralph Lauren is doing what the brand always does- continuing to make preppier and preppier stuff, extending the limits of what people would actually wear. As always, there are some clearly amazing things in the new arrival lineup and some things I’d certainly see as good purchases, but good LORD are there some wild patterns/styles. Frankly, some of the colors available now are so ridiculous no-one with any sense of fashion would wear them- but simultaneously, some things could be worked with. Travel carefully, as always.

A Girl’s Opinion: Madras shorts are making a comeback this season, and PRL has done a great job with them. Apart from the shorts, I must say I’m quite impressed with the new styles; the color palette is absolutely divine this season. PRL won’t let you down, even if it means your wallet hurts.

Armani Exchange shows some promise (predominantly stuff no doubt inspired by the Armani label), but everything else is, unfortunately, like every other year, overdone overpriced trash. Like Polo Ralph Lauren, some of the styles show forms of promise and I would certainly purchase them myself, but on the whole, the A|X label seems to be a lot of ridiculous crap- the kind of stuff that one would have to spend a lot of money on to justify wearing. It seems like a lot of A|X is flashing the label anyway.

A Girl’s Opinion: Armani makes excellent jeans for men, and the washes for this season are quite flattering. Their jackets display an edgier vibe than found in the other brands mentioned, but the sweaters and swimwear (good god, put away the briefs) make this a destination only for the strongest of men. Or, Europeans

Abercrombie and Fitch is, as expected, doing absolutely nothing original sans a few small changes to justify having a new line. Of note, the only thing that really seems incredibly new is the use of contrast collars for their oxford shirts, which seem somewhat awkward and, as usual, seem to be more about the label than the actual clothing. As usual, stay far, far away.

A Girl’s Opinion: I’m struggling to find contrast between this season’s line and any other season’s. In fact, I’m finding it hard to find many differences, apart from pricing, between all of Abercrombie’s labels. Even their fragrances are eerily similar.

Hollister, which is owned by the same company as Abercrombie and Fitch, is naturally doing nothing new much like it’s older (and more racy) brother. In fact, Hollister is doing nothing new- only the most extreme initiates would be able to differentiate what they did this season from what they did three years ago.

A Girl’s Opinion: Don’t waste your time, there’s nothing great here. The plaid shorts are nice, but that’s about it.

Ruehl No.925 has fundamentally done nothing new or interesting, but for posterity, I’ll include them. Ruehl No.925, being yet another Abercrombie and Fitch brand, lovingly features the exact same crap (the same distressed look) that both Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, and even American Eagle are trying to pull off. Obviously, avoid.

A Girl’s Opinion: Unoriginal, overpriced and tasteless. No surprises here.

American Eagle is really just scaling back it’s line to summer- taking away the (somewhat interesting but still somewhat ugly) wool peacoats and replacing them with graphic tees, western style oxfords, and board shorts. Naturally, none of this is really interesting or that different from last year, and obviously none of it is really stylish.

A Girl’s Opinion: AE now seems to offer old man night shirts and way too many boring graphic t-shirts. I do enjoy the cut of their jackets, though.

Nautica has yet to break out of their obsession with blue and white, though they do show some promise with some styles- but promise as in “other colors”, not “stuff I should buy”. Nautica continues to be a kind of sub-Polo Ralph Lauren golf brand, the kind of brand that keeps trying but utterly fails at being anything but a flash in the pan of good style. Leave this brand to old men.

A Girl’s Opinion: If you’ve ever liked something Nautica has put out, their new items won’t let you down; they all look the same. They’ve done essentially the same thing year after year after year.

Eddie Bauer is, at this point, exactly like Nautica in that it is best left to older men. While it certainly has the “rough mountain man” style down, it nonetheless fails at having anything of any stylistic note- and, more importantly, it fails at providing very good cuts for much of it’s casual wear. That being said, Eddie Bauer is a great place to buy legitimately functional clothing- like, stuff to go hike and bike and trek in- but when it comes to looking damn good, Eddie Bauer is best left to older men with teenaged children.

A Girl’s Opinion: It’s nothing special but the quality is great. Definitely a safe choice for the outdoorsy adventurer.

Lands End is the comfortable, reliable sort of brand that rarely changes itself around and stays pretty bland all year round- it’s got solid stuff for families that will hold up, but it’s unassuming to the point where it really doesn’t do much for anyone other than hide nakedness. I like the brand, don’t get me wrong- it just isn’t “fashion”, it’s “function”. And that’s where it should stay.

A Girl’s Opinion: Two words: duck pants. I cannot express how wonderful these pants are. In my opinion, they’re the only good thing about Lands End.

Conclusions

Unfortunately, what we were hoping to be a season of a lot of innovation has become soemthing of a season of stagnation for many designers- but that doesn’t doom the entire industry. Some specific groups, particularly Banana Republic and J.Crew, are beginning to really come forth in the ready-to-wear market and make niches for themselves where huge holes are left- and this is the time to begin to buy. The new conservative looks promoted by these companies is perfect, and a surefire buy for this season.

Of course, thanks to Alexandra for providing a great second opinion on this season’s analysis, and thanks to your constant support via comments and the forums that help make these analyses easy!

Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week is a lot like E3 back in the “good old days” where the only people who show up are industry professionals and everyone tries to make a bigger deal of it than it really is. Of course, one could also say that just like E3, you never really see what you see there anywhere else- it’s a vast masturbatory session where the world tries to see who can come up with the most ridiculous fashion to make tiny little anorexic men walk around with.

So, with no further adieu, I present to you my thoughts regarding Fashion Week. As you can probably guess by now, the name of this article is the perfect tl;dr: I have very little idea what’s going on and I’m quite lost but watch how much I can write about it.

Part One: The Designers

The first thing coming off the runway of any importance is Perry Ellis, AKA that guy who makes clothes for the “working man” in his late 20s on. I think I have some Perry Ellis shirts, I’m not sure, but I get the resounding feel that this is my field- like I’m supposed to write about somthing here. That being said, everything from the Perry Ellis line is bright freaking baby blue- like, the color of a baby blanket. Nothing is necessarily bad, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is one big eloquent joke on my part. Nonetheless, as I have expected, everything is excellently tailored- I actually like this stuff (which is a rarity for runway shows). Somehow, I feel as if despite the bright Skype-logo color (which might mean something, I’m not sure), Perry Ellis has done something good, and I like it.

Next, Duckie Brown. Most of it is very 80s or something, everyone looks like Rick Astley, and I’m not even kidding. Wayfarers, strange haircuts, and slouchy sweaters(?) abound. Of course, the tailoring is not bad, I just can’t shake the Rick Astley songs from my head.

B. Michael. Something feels very southern, like a bunch of women and men who want to go on some sort of yachting expedition in the middle of Louisiana where they sip Mint Chulips and bitch about their tans. One guy looks like he came from a very gay Castlevania.

Academy of Art. VERY SERIOUS MODELS.

Lacoste. Proving again that you can get away with anything if your label is preppy enough. Everything feels like a really bad acid trip in an incredibly preppy country club filled with hyper-skinny people who do nothing but look cool and pretend to swing golf clubs.

Rock & Republic. You can tell they are trying hard, but somehow I just don’t see the “rock” anymore. Sure, they have the tight jeans, prominent belts and leather jackets down, but somehow the overuse of glossy satin fabric really looks strange. That is to say, there’s something that I don’t hate about this collection- it’s overdone, but hell, it’s Fashion Week.

DKNY. Putting what I used to wear when I was 12 on an overpaid model is not fashion, it’s creepy, if anything. Some random things stand out as being more tailored and of better quality, but overall, I feel slightly confused. Some of this reminds me of American Apparel, just add a little bit better pants.

Sergio Davila. Finally, another designer doing something for men. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the feeling that the dressing room got messed up in the process of dressing the models. Virtually everything Davila makes is good per se, but suffers horribly from a lack of a coherent theme or feel. His work is certainly interesting and breaks a lot of “rules”, but breaking the rules is not inherently fashionable. Long story short, I’d like to see more of his work, but he’s lacking coherence in a lot of his ensembles.

Z Zegna. There is something ridiculously interesting about Z Zegna’s work, and I say that fully well knowing it’s nothing that I could ever recommend. Other than a few strange outfit choices (shorts with a suit coat?), I like his experimentation, and a lot of stuff is so bold yet so interesting it really does define itself as “cutting edge”. Hopefully this is the only proverbial handjob I give a designer in this article.

Custo. Custo must be drunk.

YIGAL AZROUËL. Again, a person who I think is trying to screw with the collective fashion world- but at least in a more subtle way. His collection is a lot of what I would consider “American Apparel” redux, meaning a lot of skinny pants, big shirts, and strange textile/pattern choices. I don’t mind it by any means, and some of his work is interesting, but jeez. Also, he’s subtly trolling the entire fashion world by making one fine gentlemen wear what appear to be panties on his head.

Part Two: Impressions

Observation One: I am not cut out for fashion week. Either I just don’t understand what’s going on here or this is a big joke. A lot of “men’s fashion” nowadays is certainly arcane or bland, but jesus talk about going overboard to try to be original. I’ve always been of the opinion that good men’s fashion is a blend of the traditional and the radically new, not the equivelant of a bad acid trip.

Observation Two: I think some designers know they aren’t cut out for fashion week too. Notice how many designers who were at fashion week aren’t listed here (like you’d give a shit)? It’s because fashion week is evidently for women’s wear, for obvious reasons. Menswear is like that annoying half brother that you let follow you around but your patronize every chance you get to make up for the fact that you have to deal with his crap.

Observation Three: This won’t really change your wardrobe. Go figure. “Wearable fashion” and “Stuff they have out at fashion week” are two different things, so this really doesn’t matter to you in any way but in a “ha ha look what they make the skinny models wear today” sort of way.

Long story short? Designers scare me.

First off, let me say one word: bravo. Banana Republic has come out with something for both sexes that takes current fashion and makes it sleek- it essentially has understood what made its clothing unique and gone a step further, a welcome step in this regard. My first and last thought at looking at this collection was, simply, that Banana Republic has finally taken a step forward in their fashion sense. Still, as usual, I have some issues with their collection- but overall, I’m impressed.

First off, the men’s section. Banana Republic’s mens style seems very classic, not stepping too far from the boundaries of fashion, but taking a step towards the direction of clothiers such as Ralph Lauren and Express, and even a slight touch of some Brooks Brothers-esque pompous design (which is actually well done). The main themes of the BR Monogram Collection are the use of greys and darker blues and browns- more businesslike modern colors that give off an aura of a city feel. The clothes aren’t that much different than what one would expect from a more affluent retailer- three piece suits, military cut jackets, and a very European-styled sweater and trenchcoat. BR Monogram is all about a kind of European refined elegance, far from being anything original or daring, but nonetheless welcome as a nice throwback to what I can only envision being traditional menswear.

The women’s BR Monogram collection has hits and misses, and unfortunately does not carry as much of the class as the men’s collection, sometimes toeing the line between vintage and antiquidated. Other than using a royal purple color to catch the eye, the collection features nothing but slightly boring dark greys, something one would expect more in a 50s/60s fashion collection than one in the 21st century. You can tell the designers wanted to counterbalance this with some classy draped dresses, but unfortunately only one of the tops (which resembles more of a glorified silk shawl) is anything but original. Still, I like the style- I think it has its place, simply not all of the time. This style would only truly have its place in a very hip workplace, playing to a particular look- one of a very Gattaca-esque tightwad sense. But not all the time.

Overall, I like the styles. I like the idea that Banana Republic is attempting to go further with its ideas, and it is trying to experiment in the more modern, classy field. Sure, there are some articles of clothing in their collection that feel foolish (mainly on the womens side- I’m willing to concede that even the men’s cardigan looks rather sharp), but overall the collection is solid and interesting. For men, this collection would be an interesting addition as a staple to your wardrobe- something that you could use as a base for more interesting styles, or even just something to give yourself a more classy air. For women, this collection is interesting, but by far nothing amazing- you could find yourself better styles elsewhere.

Rather, I look at what stores are coming out with- you know, I just troll around malls for about a day, checking out what’s there. And thus, with no further adieu, I bring you a guide of what’s cool (in my opinion) in the ready-to-wear fashion world.

The Gap Tier: Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic

First I turn to the veritable mainstays of fashion- the Gap, Inc. line, basically comprised of The Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, and “Piperlime”, a shoe outlet featured only online launched in 2006. Basically, these companies (exclusing Piperlime) really stand as a weather vane of fashion for the general common man- it’s generally tasteful with a low “fashion beta”, meaning that you don’t have to worry too much about it being tacky or distasteful.

First off, The Gap. This season, the Gap has really somewhat changed, dropping those dreadful cardigans that everyone loves but me and replacing them with lighter, more summer weight clothing. The company has rolled out some general shorts (which appear to be in the straight leg style, matching with their long-legged brothers) and some generally nice polos. Nothing has fundamentally changed from last year (no surprise there), except the colors are much deeper and more earth toned, and the Gap is still sold on the concept of layering. Can’t go wrong there, really. I think they may be out-playing the patterned shorts a bit, but it’s still in the tasteful range, so I have no issues with it- it feels like The Gap’s taking a little bit of inspiration from Polo Ralph Lauren minus the excessive fratboy feel, so this clothing will feel familiar to most. If you need a quick fashion injection without breaking the bank or going overboard and looking a bit too awkward, The Gap’s new line is a wonderful place to begin.

It’s fairly clear I dislike Old Navy, so I will be brief. Yet again, Old Navy has chosen to cater to the lowest common denominator by selling cheap and hideous clothing, mainly in the guise of poorly made logo T-shirts and plastic flip-flops. Old Navy has attempted to be unique by “inventing” what they call “Gradient Stripe Polos” (photo on the left), which may be the ugliest things I’ve seen in a long time. As usual, lots of board shorts, lots of generally cheap quality fabric, lots of cargo shorts. Ironically enough, to top this off, on virtually all Old Navy pages there exists a link to take you to the Piperlime store, where you can buy some discounted Crocs. When there are no model photos because no self-respecting model would wear the crap Old Navy dispenses, you have a problem. Do not shop here.

And yet again, I love Banana Republic, despite their excessive pricing on some clothing. The new clothing line for summer is mature and stylish, something that you rarely see. Banana Republic has made a big bet in mainly using linen for summer fabrics, but thankfully very few of those styles remind one of the linen shirts old men wear, so it’s all good. While Banana Republic still suffers slightly from being a bit too mature (and thus a little bit stuffy in some areas), wearing the newer styles will always result in a clean cut look, and I like that a whole lot. Everything in the new line is very “light” in color (ergo, no blacks or excessively dark colors) but avoids the whole easter egg look that went on a year or two ago, so I’m quite pleased. Shop here if you feel a bit more comfortable and want to branch out with your style, especially if you want to go for a more clean cut and refined look.

The Beach Tier: American Eagle, Hollister, and Abercrombie & Fitch

I group these together only because they generally all follow the same fashion patterns. Writer’s prerogative.

American Eagle has chosen the potentially correct path this season by not doing anything but changing the colors and the length of the pants, and only very slightly changing the style of the designs on the clothing. While this still makes the wearer look like he/she is still in highschool (which may be a good or bad thing depending on your perspective), it nonetheless guarantees kids will work hard to afford the “new” styles, which are no fundamentally different from a critical perspective. Much akin to the Gap, American Eagle seems to touch briefly on the idea of layering polos, except this time polos with t-shirts underneath. Not horrible. Shop here if you are under 18 and want peer validation or something. Otherwise, no.

Who am I kidding, Hollister has done nothing new.

And, from the same company that brought you Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch. Clicking past the images of muscular men in the Men’s section of the website (which is off-putting, even in the real stores), one can see that indeed, Abercrombie has done nothing new.

The Boring Tier: Nautica, Eddie Bauer, and Lands End

Nautica has done nothing surprising this season in that it continues to really offer what it has always offered: white, blue, and some combination thereof, usually on a polo. Nautica has come up for a term for its general offering of poorly fitted polos, “Desk Shirts”, which I can only presume to mean that only old men with boats in their retirement homes would dare wear them anywhere. Nothing really looks good. I will admit that their suit separates look unique, but remind me too much of 80s dramas featured in Miami for me to get too excited. If you are in your 40s and need something simple, this is fine, but you can do much better. This season is nothing new.

Outdoorsy clothier Eddie Bauer is pretty standard this season, utilizing their main demographic (presumably rough-and-tumble men from 35 up) to do their usual thing: sell clothes made to withstand everything, from ferocious rock climbing to handling the kids when Mom is at work (which do you think they do more?). Still, I like the styles and I like the fashions, and I think these clothes fit their target age well, so I won’t complain much. This summer, not much has changed (lighter fabrics and brighter colors, as well as the expected line of shorts and shirts), but it’s fairly decent. Again, I won’t complain. If you are over 30 and want something a little rough and ready for wear-and-tear, this is a wonderful place to find masculine styles for your age group in any season.

Lands End does their normal thing, purveying to the slightly-less-active 35+ demographic. Lands End clothing is what it always has been- very basic, very simple, and built to withstand the demands of your typical Middle America family. This season, they have followed the very basic standards of style with lighter off-white colors and a nice array of polos, but the styles continue to be as basic as they can get, basically cookie-cutter designs for families demanding exactly that. If you absolutely need something basic, go here, but this is not the place to find style in any season.

The Name Tier: Armani, Perry Ellis, and Ralph Lauren

Apparently for the summer, the Armani Exchange wants you to go as metrosexual as possible, which seems a recurring theme. While their general put-together styles are somewhat atrocious, the general clothing itself seems fairly decent from a pedestrian perspective. The newest stuff in the Armani Exchange smacks far too much of the indie culture mixed with the general European stuff that Armani loves, but some of the absolute basics manage to be simple enough (but with enough style) to be of good style. Still… a sheer (as in see-through) sweater? What? Play it careful with this season and potentially stay away entirely- Armani is borderline Eurotrash now, and too much of it is too experimentative for a normal guy to even consider wearing.

Perry Ellis continues to be somewhat more “adult” but somewhat reasonable, utilizing the usual tactic of keeping things simple and masculine. The summer line for Perry Ellis is essentially just like previous years- lighter colored polos, linen shirts, and a general “sailing” theme that seems a bit escapist. Of course, Perry Ellis still does well at what it does best- casual looking suits and businesswear- and some of it, like this single slit wool ensemble, look pretty nice for the target age group. Much like Eddie Bauer, go here if you are a bit older and need more classic but stylish clothing.

Ralph Lauren continues to taunt me reminding me that I am not a rich young preppy child who can waste away his life sailing and driving fast cars in some predominantly Anglo-Saxon section of the world. In this new summer line (and I’m lumping all of his various labels together), Ralph Lauren continues on his steady progression of making his iconic “horse” logo even bigger, continuing the rugby theme he seemingly adores. Not much so far as the actual structure of the clothes is different- the horrifically ugly emboidered short has become a mainstay, and everything else is just like it’s always been: a sign that Ralph Lauren spends way too much time getting his ideas from English boarding schools. So far as the casual wearer is concerned, you can pull his clothing off only if you are muscular and fairly similar to his styles- otherwise, I’d avoid it lest you look slightly awkward.

The New Name Tier: Express, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters

Express continues its goal of taking over the fashion industry by providing a unique blend of European style with standard fashion mainstays, and this recent season is fundamentally no different. The new arrivals are remarkably similar to that of Banana Republic or similar outfitters- linen shirts, flip-flops, polos, and shorts. The sweet thing is, it’s pretty damn hard to go wrong with anything that Express has, this season or any season, which is why their clothes are definitely recommended if you can stomach the price tag.

Somewhat controversial retailer American Apparel continues to kick all brands of rear end with their lines, further developing on their control as a massive clothing superbrand. Everything that comes from American Apparel is high quality- though nothing has really changed from previous offerings (the clothing really doesn’t follow fashion lines like others), it’s all good and fairly stylish, if you know how to handle it. I still can’t get over the spooky models or the deep v-neck t-shirts (both scary in their own ways), but it’s still a good place. Go here if you need basic clothing that smacks of awesome, but don’t expect a style revolution.

I have to say, I don’t know if I exactly like Urban Outfitters‘ new styles, though I may not like any of their styles at all. While fundamentally decent clothing, Urban Outfitters has always tried way too hard to get into various niches, causing varying amounts of controversy across the board. More importantly, a lot of the clothing here feels less stylish as it does feel like an attempt to be awkward for the sake of being fashionable, like the style equivalent of the acting of Michael Cera. In general, if you like this style and want to go for it, don’t let me stop you, but there’s so much better in the world not involving crappy wannabe-funny Graphic Tees.

The “I don’t know what tier” Tier: J.Crew and Buckle

Mainstay J.Crew is playing it pretty safe this season, keeping to its normal fashions and only introducing one noticably new style, the Madras Sportcoat, an idea which it actually appears to have stolen from Ralph Lauren (who presumably trashed it because it wasn’t preppy enough). J.Crew exists on the happy border between clothiers like The Gap and Polo Ralph Lauren, this season providing a nice little midway point that I generally like. Nothing fundamentally new, but it’s still worth a look. Much like Banana Republic, go here if you need a quick style infusion- some things are a bit strange, so play it with caution, but you are still fairly safe in J.Crew’s realm.

The Buckle is a bit of one big amalgamation of everything else, which is actually fairly nice- too bad most of it falls under the Abercrombie & Fitch style, with only a little bit of skater-style clothing to make it anything but a clone. Still, The Buckle is all about the denim, which it obviously does well- everything else still stradles the line between stylish and juvenile. If you are fairly young (<18), you could do fine here, but anyone else will look a bit foolish.

Light colored Acid Wash Jeans

These were in popularity for a while via your traditional “Beach style” retailers (meaning places like Hollister) and sold fairly well, but sales and popularity last year do not dictate this year’s fashion. For those of us who don’t live directly on the beach, dressing as such makes you look lost and completely out of place. In general such high school-esque fads should be far removed from your sphere, but this is one special no-no: it looks stupid no matter what.

Part of the irony of this entire “look” is that it only looks good with the styles from the same brand, meaning to pull this off appropriately you not only have to purchase the jeans, but you have to purchase many other things as well, such as the shirts and belts. This tends to get expensive, for obvious reasons.

Skinny Jeans

Dressing into a fad does not make you stylish. Read that once more. Dressing into a fad does not make you stylish. Just because you’ve figured out how to dress like a “Scene” kid, you don’t automatically win an award for being stylish or classy. Skinny Jeans are for WOMEN, not for men, and any infringement of this rule makes you look like you want to go take your MacBook to Starbucks and listen to the latest Radiohead album.

There is an exception to this rule depending on the cut of the jeans, of course- some stuff will look fine. However, so far as the general sense of the term is concerned, Skinny Jeans = no.

Excessive Stripes/Argyle

While stripes and Argyle have their place in the world, some retailers have gone absolutely overboard to the point of selling nothing but. The rule here is to take advantage of this by getting classy styles with stripes and Argyle, but try to avoid wearing nothing but: you will look boring. Still, I’m rather pleased with the more classy look that retailers such as the Gap are promoting nowadays, as it’s leagues better to go overboard with Argyle than to go overboard with the “Miami Beach” look.

Hollister and related looks

Okay, that’s it, game over, etc.- Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch clothing are old and outdated. The “Miami Beach” look (or whatever you really want to call it, you know it when you see it) is old and dead, and adhering to it (like I mentioned above) makes you look out of place and retarded. By all means, this doesn’t mean you should trash the clothing you purchased there- it’s still acceptable enough to pass- but it’s far from something you want to invest any more money in until you see if they come up with a new line or not.

Note that this, in my opinion, applies more to girls than to guys. I’m personally quite tired of seeing this style on girls, and I’d like a nice refreshing change.
Cardigans

This is the number one absolute no. I have no idea how these became popular (feel free to post if you do), but it has translated into one of the worst styles I’ve seen in a long time. Cardigans make me feel like someone watched a bit too much Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood- and even Mr. Rogers only wore them because his mother/grandmother knitted them for him. Cardigans do not accentuate any kind of notable body part, and they basically make you look exactly what you would normally think they would make you look: Boring and unoriginal.